A Vampire's Marine (boyxboy)

Chapter 19: The shapes in the clouds.

Chapter 19

~Rien’s POV~

Twice already I had brought him pleasure and now I watched him as he lay beside me, looking at anything but me as he fought with his own confused mind. His need was as clear to me as it had always been; he could not deny it and neither could he resist its pull, but I found that I craved more than just his desire. 

I missed the ease with which we once spoke, and the happiness we once found in each other’s arms; the nights when he would talk for hours on end, telling me about his day, his future plans, his every thought and every wish. They were days I once cherished and times I wished for again. Now as I watched him, I could only guess his thoughts, and wonder if at any moment he would shun me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked to break the silence.

He bit his lower lip as he stared at the ceiling and I watched him twist his fingers together, before resting his hands on his stomach.

“This doesn’t mean anything. I still have a decision to make and what we did won’t change that.”  He said seriously.

“I understand, and of course I shall respect whatever decision you make.”

 He nodded, with his eyes still glued to the ceiling and his mouth set in a hard line.

“Good.”

“…but my feelings for you will never change. That is just the way it is.” I finished, and for a second his eyes darted my way and he swallowed.

“You should stop saying shit like that to me.”

“Why shouldn’t I be allowed to express how I feel?” I asked. “How else will you know what I hold in my heart?”

“I don’t want to know.”

“But you do. I can see just how much you do, just how much you need to hear it and I will not stop simply because you are afraid to admit it.” I said adamantly.

“Why are you being like this?” he sat up and demanded with narrowed eyes.

I sat up as well, my back against the headboard. “Because I refuse to let you go without a fight. I care deeply for you and I will not rest until make you understand that.”

He cursed and moved to leave the bed, but I grabbed his arm before he could step down.

“Let me go.” He said and pulled against my hold.

“No. It is time to stop running and listen to what I have to say. I care ab-”

“No.” he interrupted, pulling harder as a litany of curses spilled from his mouth.

My hold tightened. “Listen to me, I lov-”

“For fuck’s sake, let me go!” he shouted then, his anger building, and I tightened my hold, then latched onto both his arms and shook him.

“You are a stubborn fool Tony, you are impetuous and selfish. You are also brave and benevolent, with a soul so pure sometimes it pains me to look at you, but I love you and everything that you are.”

“Don’t.” he protested weakly.

 I shook him, “S 'agapó̱, you are my mate and I would do anything to make you happy, but I will not sit idly by and watch you run away from something you know you want. I refuse!” I shouted the words, trying to make him understand what drove me, to make him recognize that everything I did, and every decision I made, was made with him in mind, but he said nothing.