Survivors Of The Lost

17

Shayan

The both ladies sat down soundly. They both behaved like they were invited here. I just ignored them. With their arrival ayah seemed hesitant and uncomfortable in her every move. Ayah. Her name itself arose goosebumps. Maybe she doesn't remember but I remember her very well. We were classmates in college. Even in that time she was shy and introvert.

She would sit in an corner and bury her head in the books. She wouldn't look up. She would never spare a second glance to anyone. She doesn't remember but she would lend me notes when I was absent to the school which happened quite often. She would never look at my eyes. She was the girl I remember, who never bunked school. I always liked her reserved.

Months ago when I saw her in the park. I wanted her to befriend me. When I broke up with kyla, It didnt hurt me as much as it did when I saw her hurting. I wanted to look into her fragile heart.

Suddenly there was un urge to make her mine. Just like years ago when we were in college. I didnt have the courage that time but I wouldnt let her go this time.

I would fight for her. This feeling wasn't exactly love. I didn't love her. Not yet. But I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with her. I wouldn't mind falling for her. And in that burka she looked even more innocent and pure.

"Ayah I heard your marriage has been broken. Im so sorry about it." The young girl spoke, whose name I think was zainab. I saw ayah stiffen. What the hell? Why is she speaking to her about past? Ayah just looked up. Motionless.

"So shayan what do you do?" How did she know my name? Was the introduction already done? I looked at ayah who was seated right in front of me. She didnt like zainab. That was so obvious.

"I am a bathroom cleaner." I told her. She looked at me shocked. Dad tapped me on the hand and replied, "he is joking beta. He owns a publication." She nodded her head in acknowledgement. She smiled at me in a flirty way.

"You know aunty, ayah was exactly like this in her childhood. We used to be neighbours. She couldn't even speak until she was 6." Zainab addressed mom. How cruel she was to speak like this? I saw ayah gripping her spoon way too harder.

"I think not speaking is better rather than speaking like some..." I stopped the sentence letting imagination do some wonders. For the first time meantime in the dinner she looked straight in my eyes. If I wouldnt have concentrated enough I wouldn't have seen her smiling slightly. I smiled back at her. She was shocked to me smiling at her.

She immediately looked down. I smiled at her innocence. We ordered food. "You know what these dishes are right?" Zainab directed her question to ayah. Without looking up she just nodded her head. I feel her. I know how it feels to be embarrassed in front of everyone. When I started my own publishing business everyone laughed at me. For being fond of books like girls.

"Ayah beta Im so sorry we couldn't come to your parents funeral." The lady told. Ayah flinched at the mention of her parents. Why was the past being digged up?

She looked up at the lady with unshed tears. Her cheeks and nose had turned a shade of red. Making it obvious that she was in pain. I saw Umar squeezing ayah's hand. As if to make sure she doesn't say anything wrong. Or to give her patience to endure the taunts. I salute her level of patience. The relaxed and happy ambiance was long gone by their arrival.

"Its okay aunty. I understand." For the first time she spoke since we were here. Since the time they were here they were continuously taunting her making it more difficult for me to keep my mouth shut.

"You know once your mother took one thousand rupees from me. She promised me to return but never mind who is asking for it." She laughed at her own sentence.

At this point even ayah lost her patience. She got up. In the process of getting up she dropped her spoon on the floor. "I'm not feeling well. Im heading home." She looked at umar's mother. Without waiting for her to respond she turned to the lady. "And aunty once papa helped you sanction the loan and in the the process of doing so he paid ten thousands rupees to the manager but never mind who is aking for it." The lady's mouth hanged open. She then opened her purse and picked out two notes of thousand rupees and kept on the table near the lady. She turned away and walked out without bothering to turn away at least once.

I was glad that she reacted. I was beginning to think that she was not a human. Everyone were silent after that. Nobody spoke. I wish they had never joined us. So we could have a peaceful dinner. But they had to ruin it. I shooked my head.

"Im sorry guys. Im heading home too." Eram looked at me. I was very angry at the two ladies to ruin the dinner. I mouthed sorry to her. She nodded understanding. Without bothering to look at anyone I walked out.

I stood by my car for a few minutes. It was not safe for ayah to go alone at this time. From the restaurant I drove slowly to ayah's house trying to spot ayah. But I didnt find her until I reached her place.

I stayed a few minutes in a hope to see her. Right then a taxi stopped in front of my car. Ayah got down and paid the driver. Then walked slowly she went into the house. After an hour of just sitting idle in the car I saw her walking out. Her slim figure still covered in the burka.

Ayah

I entered the house and switched on lights. I felt exhausted even though I did nothing. I was emotionally drained. Bringing up the past in front of everyone, zainab and aunty naima didnt do good. I didnt mean to sound so rude but I couldnt help it. When they were talking about me I endured it but when they bought up my parents into the topic I couldnt suppress anymore. I picked my phone and opened Umar's chat.

Me: Im sorry for ruining the dinner. I didnt mean to.

He replied me instantly as if he was waiting for it

Umar: You don't have to be sorry... Im proud of who you were today. The fierce one 😉

Me: Oh Im glad....

Knowing Umar didnt hate me for ruining the dinner made me feel a little better. I sat in the bed for awhile. I know they wont be coming home anytime soon. I just laid there.

The memories swirling in my head. I breathed hard. It was difficult to breathe. I didnt want to live anymore. I didnt have anything to live for except for the bad memories. I hated myself. I stood up and went to the kitchen. I picked up a knife and looked at it. I was tired of taunts. What would happen If I just slit my wrist? Would anyone care for me? Would anyone mourn over me?

I placed the knife on my wrist. Its just a moment of pulling it. But I couldn't. I couldnt muster enough courage to do it. I was a coward. I was afraid to hurt the ones who actually cared for me. I dropped the knife on the floor making a sound.

I turned around and went back to my room. I felt suffocated. Wouldn't I get a single chance to be happy?

I just laid there on the bed. I closed my eyes. I shook my head to remove the bad memories. The tears flowed continuously like someone poked my eyes. I was so tired.
I wish I could go back to how I was. I wish my parents were here. I wish I had a friend I could talk to. That was the only thing I could do. Wish.

I got up and went to the front yard. I wrapped my arms around myself. It was cold at night. It was slightly drizzling. Making it even more difficult to stay out. I saw a black Mercedes standing outside. Seeing it just deepened the love I had for black colour. The headlights were on. It was difficult to make out who the person was. It was very rare to spot such an expensive car in our neighbourhood.

It was even difficult to decide whether there was someone in the car or not. I just rouned the yard until I could breathe normally. The suicidal thoughts flying away. Once I was back to normal I went inside the house. The warm feeling welcomed me. I removed my burka and went for a shower. Right after I was out from a shower I heard some chattering sound from the living room.

Maybe they were back so I went out. I saw only umar and eram seated on the sofa. They were talking about something. Not wanting to disturb them I went inside my room.

The wrong person will have you believing you are not good enough or your asking for too much. But all they do is projecting their insecurities on you.

Hey guyyyyysss. I hope you all liked this chapter. I tried my best to write shayan's point of view. Please hit the star icon below and vote. It encourages me to write more....