Everything I Need

35

It's been a week of us staying in a hotel after Kyler was released from the hospital and I am so over living in a hotel room. She was in the hospital a week and a half before being released. She slept a lot of the time due to the pain medication they were giving her but the more she slept the more nightmares she seemed to have. After the third straight day of having nightmares, she begged Dr. Jackson to release her but he wouldn't do it so she had to tough it out. I hate seeing my wife like that because it makes me feel so helpless.

I called my therapist, Dr. Myers, explained Kyler's situation and got her an appointment the next day. Dr. Myers came to the hospital room to start Kyler's sessions and she continued her sessions while she was still in the hospital. I had been by Kyler's side the whole time including a couple of the days that she got in her head again and tried pushing me away.

While still at the hospital, the police informed us that we could return to our house but there was no way I could go back there. Kyler and I both agreed that we could not live there anymore so I have been looking online at available houses. I know for a fact that I can't handle walking in there and seeing the dried blood from where Kyler was shot. Kyler doesn't need to see that either, especially with the nightmares she is already dealing with. Nightmares that she will not talk about no matter how many times I offer to listen.

Mom and Dad offered to get a cleaning company over to our house and a locksmith and I instantly agreed and thanked them nonstop. Even though the blood would be gone when the cleaning company was finished, I still didn't want to go back inside that house. I do not want to relive any of that.

Without even asking, my parents hired a moving company to pack up all of our stuff and store it in two large climate control storage units that they rented. I didn't like the idea of people going through our stuff but my parents and Julia went to the house to help and to keep watch. Once the house was clean and all our belongings were out I contacted the realtor we used to buy the house and had it back on the market for sale. I know I should have told Kyler everything going on with our house but I didn't. I didn't want her stressing over any of that because I only want her focused on getting better.

I rescheduled my obgyn appointment while Kyler was in the hospital since she was not able to go with me. I didn't want her to think I didn't want or need her there. Now instead of a 10 week appointment it will be a 12 week appointment but Kyler was happy when I told her I had rescheduled it. She even had me lay with her just so she could rub on my stomach and talk about "our son."

Mom, Dad, Julia, Blakley, Tylisha and Kyle all visited off and on everyday while Kyler was in the hospital. Mary and Katie called every other day since neither one of them were able to fly over to visit. Katie was swamped with school plus couldn't afford a plane ticket and Mary couldn't afford a plane ticket either. I offered to pay for both of them to come over for a weekend but neither would accept my offer.

With my help, Kyler got all of her classes arranged so she could complete everything online while she is recovering. At least she will not get further behind. I have taken a leave of absence from work so I can stay with her while she recovers and to get myself in the right headspace to be able to return to work. While Kyler does school work, I usually look at house listings. I am determined to find us a house and I honestly think she will finish recovering better once she is not confined to a hotel room.

Kyler is currently asleep and I am laying down beside her. I was not sleepy since it was the middle part of the day but she wouldn't sleep until I laid with her. I study my gorgeous wife resting beside me and she looks so peaceful right now but suddenly she jerks and a faint noise slips from her lips. Her body jerks again as a raspy "no" leaves her mouth. I gently run my fingers through her hair in hopes of calming her down from the apparent nightmare she is having.

A couple minutes later, Kyler jerks awake and screams "Lauren" as she quickly sits up gasping for air. She hunches over, holding on to her ribs as she tries to suck in much needed oxygen.

"Kyler" I softly whisper as I rub my hand soothingly up and down her back. "You're okay baby and so am I. We are okay, I promise. Do you need something for your ribs?" She quickly nods her head while still clutching her ribs. I hastily leave the bed and get her pain medicine and a bottle of water. "Here baby," I whisper as I hand her the medicine and water. She quickly accepts and takes the pain medicine and drinks the entire bottle of water.

"Go ahead and lay back down." I instruct because I know for a fact the medicine makes her sleepy. She can sleep for a couple more hours until she needs to go for her therapy appointment. Her shoulder appointment with Dr. Jackson is directly after her therapy appointment and since it's in the same medical complex she doesn't have far to go. So while she is there, I'm going to go look at a house I found online that was recently listed.

After Kyler lays back down she grabs my hand and her worry filled eyes find mine. "A-Are you leaving?" The look on her face makes my heart ache all over again and I quickly shake my head no as I lay down beside her and lay on my side. She turns onto her right side facing me and her face is so close that her nose brushes against mine.

I tuck a stand of hair behind Kyler's ear and just let my hand rest against her face. "Do you want to talk about anything?"

Kyler just stares at me but finally breaks the silence "you smell so good." A warm feeling spreads throughout my body because I have missed her ill timed and sometimes unfiltered remarks. As I look at my wife I notice tears well up in her tired sleepy eyes.

"Kyler," I whisper as I rest my hand against her cheek. I caress her cheek with my thumb and she swallows thickly before her eyes lock with mine. "I'm right here for you," I vow which causes her to nod along as a few tears roll down her cheeks. She shifts a little closer and buries her head against my neck. Her nightmares are not as often as they were, which is a good thing so I think therapy is definitely helping with that.

Kyler exhales slowly. "I keep having the same nightmare... that he killed you after doing what he wanted with you and... and he made me watch all of it. I wake up scared that you're not actually here. When he started kicking me..." her voice is raw with emotion causing her to stop talking and take a deep breath. "When he was kicking me repeatedly in my ribs... he... he was not the father I remembered when I was little. His eyes were not ones that should hold love for his daughter. The hatred in his eyes... I knew it wasn't going to end well. I knew he was going to kill me and... y-you and... our baby. I swore to myself that if he didn't kill me right then, I would do whatever I could to save you."

Tears stream down Kyler's face as she cries and I instantly wrap my arms around her trembling body as I cry with her. I just can't stand to see my wife like this because this is not her. I rub my hand up and down her back to comfort her and she moves closer, burying her face against my chest. "L-Lauren... w-when I heard h-him unbuckle his belt... I didn't care if I died as long as I stopped him from hurting you. I wanted you and our baby to live a-and I told myself as long as you lived and if I didn't die that I would leave and you would never have to see me again. I felt like it was all my fault and I didn't want to cause you any more pain but... I can't walk away from you or our baby. You are my first true love and my last. I'm not perfect and I never will be but I do love you with all my heart."