Everything I Need

46

Here we are again at the obgyn clinic for the week 20 appointment. This is the appointment we have both been looking forward to. We will hopefully find out the gender of our baby. We didn't want it to be a surprise at birth and did not want to do the whole gender reveal party either. Lauren and I both think gender reveal parties are a little ridiculous. We will inform our family what we are having then we can start shopping and decorating the nursery.

For some reason, I'm just as nervous today as I was at our first appointment when it was confirmed Lauren was pregnant. After that first appointment and we went home, Lauren cried while looking at those ultrasound pictures. My chest tightened from watching her cry tears of joy. The one thing she had been wanting was finally a reality and I am so happy to be a part of that with her.

As we are sitting at the obgyn clinic waiting to be called back, Lauren is flipping through a baby magazine but I notice she's not really looking at anything in particular. I can tell something is on her mind but I don't know what. "Baby, what's on your mind? Don't say it's nothing because I know something is bothering you. Do you feel okay? Is something wrong with you or the baby?"

Lauren looks at me as she lays the baby magazine down on the side table. "Yes, something is on my mind but I do not want to talk about it here. I honestly don't know if I want to talk about it at all today and ruin our day."

I grab Lauren's hand and give it a little squeeze to reassure her. Suddenly the door to the back opens and a nurse calls Lauren's name. With a soft sigh of contentment, we both stand and follow the nurse to the exam room. Lauren takes a seat on the exam table and the nurse leaves as we wait for the doctor. I stand in front of Lauren, between her legs and place both hands on the exam table on either side of her. I peck her lips "I hope you know that nothing you say can ruin today." I peck her lips again and just smile as I look into her ocean blue eyes.

"Is that so?" Lauren asks and I nod my head yes. "Hmm, I know four words that would absolutely ruin your day." She says as a matter of fact.

I look at my wife for a few seconds thinking of four words. "I need sex now, I want sex now, I love you baby or I want another baby definitely will not ruin my day." Lauren laughs at my playful tone and I laugh with her then lean forward to kiss her again. Right before our lips touch she whispers "what about, I want a divorce?" I quickly jerk my head back to look at her and she busts out laughing.

"That is so not funny baby." I say with a playful pout as she continues laughing.

"That was funny and so was the look on your face Kyler. I told you I knew four words that could ruin your day, if I actually meant them." She says as she reaches forward and loops a finger in my belt loop and yanks me back to her. She cups my face and kisses me "you are so cute when you pout. Really though, I want another baby. We haven't even had this one so why would I want another one now."

I stick my tongue out at Lauren then grab her hand and take a set in the chair beside the exam table. "It would be awesome to have two little Lauren's running around but we will discuss that when we are ready to. How about when we finish here though, we go home, relax and you can tell me all about what's bothering you. No matter what it's about, I will gladly listen and be there for you."

Lauren smiles and squeezes my hand as she looks down at our hands and plays with my fingers. "I love you so fucking much Kyler." She says as she looks back up at me with tears in her eyes. "You always make me feel better."

"I love you too baby. You know, this still seems surreal to me. I never thought I would be at this point in my life. Not because of my age but just in general." I say as I look at Lauren. "Here I am with a gorgeous wife and a baby on the way and I haven't even graduated college yet. I want to be a good mother but I'm scared. If I can be half as good as my mom was to me then I might be okay. Our baby will definitely know they are always loved just like I always knew my mom loved me. I just... I don't know how to be a mother...."

Lauren looks at me "baby, you will be a great mom and I don't know how to be a mom either. We're in this together and you will be fine. We will be fine. You're definitely excited huh?" She asks as she points at my bouncing knee. I nod my head yes as I smile at her. She laughs, "I am too sweetie. Sometimes it's still hard to believe that I'm actually pregnant and finally get to be a mom."

I smile and lean over to peck Lauren's lips. "I can't wait to see how our little bean is growing."

"Hello ladies." We suddenly hear, as Dr. Walsh enters the exam room. "How are you two doing today?" We both answer "good" and Dr. Walsh smiles "that's great" and she turns the ultrasound machine on. "Okay Lauren, if you will lay back and raise your shirt to just below your breasts. I'm going to get measurements first and then we will get a good look at your baby. Do y'all want to know what you're having?"

Lauren and I both say "yes, we want to know" at the same time. Dr. Walsh laughs at our excitement and makes sure everything is ready to begin.

Lauren lays back and pulls her shirt up as instructed. Dr. Walsh looks at Lauren's stomach "wow, your stomach has definitely gotten bigger since you were here last. Okay, let's get started with the measurements then I will turn the monitor around and if the little one is cooperating we can hopefully see what you're having."

Dr. Walsh spreads the cold gel across Lauren's growing stomach and the coldness causes Lauren to flinch. I continue holding her hand with one of mine and nervously bite my lip. As the probe is placed on her stomach the sound of a strong heartbeat fills the room. "Wow baby, our little bean has a really strong heartbeat." She squeezes my hand as we listen to the heartbeat. Even though this is not the first time we have heard our baby's heartbeat, it makes my eyes tear up. This tiny little being is alive and growing because of Lauren. I glance at her and her smile is as big as her cheeks will allow. She glances at me at about the same time a tear rolls down my cheek. "Come here honey." She says as she wipes the tear away. "Are you okay?" She asks.

I smile and nod as I stand beside Lauren. "Never better. Our baby is perfect, just like you." I kiss my wife as the sound of our baby's heartbeat is the only sound in the room at the moment and it's just... perfect. I sit back down and look over at Dr. Walsh as she is looking at the monitor. She moves the probe around on Lauren's stomach a little, furrows her eyebrows and we hear her mumble "oh, well then."

Dr. Walsh removes the probe from Lauren's stomach and the heartbeat is gone. We are left with silence until she starts quickly typing on the keyboard and Lauren squeezes my hand as she looks at me with a panicked look. I already know she is thinking something is wrong by the doctor's reaction. Hell, I'm wondering the same thing but before either one of us can ask, Dr. Walsh turns the monitor around and clears her throat as she brings the probe back to Lauren's stomach and smiles at us.

As soon as the probe is back on Lauren's stomach, the silence of the room is filled with the really strong heartbeat again and the fuzzy image on the monitor becomes clear. "Congratulations ladies...."