Everything I Need

48

We are both smiling big as we walk out of the clinic hand in hand and head to Kyler's car. Her dimples are on full display from her smile and I love it. "Are you happy, my love?" Kyler asks as she holds the door open for me to get in.

"I am...I am so happy. I love them so much already and there is sooo much stuff that we can buy." I reply as I place my hand on my stomach as I get in the car and Kyler laughs at me. "What about you?" I ask her once she gets in the car and we leave the clinic parking lot.

Kyler glances at me, "I'm happy too, we got to see our baby, well babies. I just can't believe we're having twins. It's... a lot, it's... wow and...." She just stops talking and looks to be deep in thought and maybe still a little shocked over our news of twins.

Suddenly Kyler's facial expression changes and she honestly looks like she is going to be sick. Seeing her like this makes me wonder if she regrets us trying to have a baby now? We definitely were not expecting twins and she is still so young. "Baby, are you okay?" I get no response and my heart starts racing.

As I'm trying to figure out what's going on, I can't help but to just stare at Kyler as she is driving. I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve her. She is 20 years old, trying to finish college as a double major and could have been free, not married and definitely not with twins on the way. I'm not lost on the fact that she could have had anyone else but she chose me. "Baby, are you okay?" I ask again because my wife is still quiet and I'm getting worried. "Baby?"

Kyler still doesn't respond and just stares straight ahead lost in thought and I notice her grip on the steering wheel tighten. Oh god! What if she's not actually happy about the twins? What if she is regretting this? She seemed fine at first but not now. I start panicking because I feel like I'm screwing her life up. I have taken so much from her already. Just yesterday in therapy, I realized it's basically my fault she had to move here in the first place. I already feel like I have taken away her being able to experience her college years and young adult life the way I imagine she would have. Maybe this is not what she really wants.

"Kyler." I softly say and she still doesn't respond. Finally I say "Kyler" maybe a little too sternly and she finally glances at me with a forced smile on her face. When she looks at me I can't stop the tear that rolls down my cheek. Her forced smile disappears and is replaced with concern as she squeezes my hand and opens her mouth to speak but I quickly say "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've put you through and the hurt I've caused you. It's my fault you had to move here because I was being selfish and did not stop to think about what was best for you. I had no right telling Mike to fix his relationship with you first before I considered having a baby. I'm definitely glad I didn't have a baby with him but I was only thinking about myself and that wasn't fair to you. So I'm sorry for that and... and I know being a parent to one baby at your age is a lot. It will be even harder with twins and you've already lost so much. I want the best of everything for you; you deserve that and so much more. J-Just know that I understand if all of this is too much on you. Just know you... you have an out and I will understand."

I can't stop the tears as I start crying. Kyler quickly pulls off onto the side of the road and puts the car in park. Her seatbelt is off and she reaches over and unbuckles my seatbelt before I even realize what she is doing. "Lauren, baby." She says, sounding confused and hurt as she pulls me into her and wraps her arms around me in a hug. "Where's all this coming from? I know your hormones are making you emotional so I'm hoping that's all this is. Please stop crying and let's just get home. Okay?" I nod my head as I cry and I clutch onto Kyler's shirt, holding her tight, not wanting to let go.

As my tears finally stop, we get back on the road to drive the rest of the way home and I constantly glance at Kyler. We ride in silence again which is odd for us because we always talk about something. I can tell she is still deep in thought, worried or upset so I just let her be. Everything brought up in therapy and my hormones are not mixing well and I feel like my emotions and feelings are all over the place plus I'm worried about my wife. Once we get home and in the garage, Kyler quickly comes around to the passenger side and opens my door for me. As soon as we enter the house, the only thing she says is "please sit down and I will fix you something to eat for lunch."

I just sit at the island without saying anything because I can tell she is upset and I know it's my fault. I watch Kyler as she puts a salad together for me and I have to break the silence. "Baby, I'm sorry..."

Kyler quickly cuts me off "Lauren, don't. Please just stop apologizing." She sighs as she sits my salad in front of me. "Eat your salad and I'm... I'm going to go for a walk. I have my phone if you need me and I will be back shortly.

"Kyler wait, please don't..."

Kyler looks at me "Lauren, just give me a few minutes please. I need a few minutes to myself. I have a right to be upset after what you said in the car. You know we agreed to take a few minutes to ourselves if one of us was upset with the other so nothing hurtful is said out of anger. That's what I'm doing so just let me be for a few minutes then I will be back and we will talk." Before I can say anything else, Kyler walks out the front door, locking it behind her.

I am sitting on the couch reading a baby book when Kyler returns home 30 minutes later. She sits on the opposite end of the couch and rests her back against the armrest. "Come here baby." She says as she opens her arms for me. I move towards my wife and settle in her arms as I relax against her. She wraps her arms around me and kisses the side of my head and I start crying.

"It's not your fault that I had to move from Pensacola. You wanted him to fix his relationship with me which did not translate to making me move here. That was his decision, his and his alone and I would never blame you for that. Look at what I gained from having to move here though."

"Kyler..." I say but she cuts in and says "please let me talk baby." I nod my head for her to continue.

"I get that Mike messed you up, your hormones are all over the place right now with the pregnancy and therapy is obviously bringing up a lot of past issues and feelings but you should know by now that I'm committed to us, to you and our babies, forever." She places her hand on my growing stomach as she continues to talk and suddenly one or both babies are moving around and pushing against her hand.

I laugh at a sudden swift movement against Kyler's hand and glance at her. She has the biggest smile on her face. "They really like the sound of your voice" I say as I fight back tears of joy at the feelings of our babies moving and interacting with her. It seems Kyler and the babies are playing tag through my stomach because everytime she moves her hand, a movement against her hand follows.

Kyler smiles as she continues moving her hand around on my stomach and finally continues talking. "As far as us having twins, that doesn't change anything for me. Yes, twins are a lot and will definitely be more challenging but it's so worth it. I didn't want us to start a family just to make you happy or because it was just something you wanted. That was something I truly wanted too. I love kids and want kids with you. Having twins doesn't scare me because I'm having twins with the most amazing woman in the world. A woman that I love very much and that I'm so in love with. A woman that's going to be an amazing mother. Regardless of my age, I know what I want and that is you. It's always you, you and our babies. I'm sorry if it seemed I wasn't actually happy about the babies after we got in the car to leave the clinic. I suddenly realized that my mom would never meet her grandchildren and I hated the thought of that. It's not fair that she can't be here to love on her grandchildren. It's... it's just not fair to her, to me or our babies."

~~~A/N~~~
Sorry for the delayed update everyone but kidney stones are no joke. Anyway, thank you all for reading and patiently waiting for me to update. I'm starting to feel better so should be back to updating regularly. Thanks again and happy, happy reading.

~Eden Shay ❤️