Those Dominant Eyes

Chapter 35

Danny POV

"What exactly did you need to protect me from? I realize I wasn't in the best state back then, but I could still defend myself," Kade said rudely. But I understood, this is the reaction I predicted when I decided to explain myself.

"You needed protection from him. And back then, it was obvious you couldn't defend, protect, or even stand up for yourself. I even tried to tell you before, but you ignored me. Like you always do," I said. And it was true, in my eyes at least.

"That's not true-!" Kade shouted. He tried to stand up to make his case, but Zane pulled him back down and into his lap.

"Stay calm, Kade. Just think about what he's saying and how it might be from his point of view. If you still don't agree, then that's up to you. But you wanted to see him so he could explain, right? So let him," Zane said into his ear. He whispered something else that I couldn't hear but when he finished, Kade had a light blush on his face and a little pout.

That must be nice. Having a partner who could calm you down in any situation. I could see that they were meant to be together ever since I saw them together a couple weeks ago. There was no need for me to interfere with another one of his relationships, good or bad. Kade looked different. He had a different air around him since I last saw him face to face. He seemed stronger and more cautious of his surroundings. He could handle his own problems now, but that didn't mean he could before.

"What I mean is that I just wanted to help my big brother escape a toxic relationship that you couldn't get yourself out of. I could see that you were the only one giving in that relationship and that you only strived to please him. Even when I felt isolated at home, I still wanted you to notice me. And I thought saving you might help. Although I don't know if it did more harm than good, I still don't regret my choice," I said aloud.

"What do you mean?" Kade gasped. "I had took care of you and loved you since you were a baby!" Kade's emotions rose as well as his voice. Zane put a hand on his arm to calm him down. I knew he was going to get upset, but his reaction was bigger than I thought. I thought he would just want an explanation as to why I was here and then make me leave. Abandoning me to the streets again.

"Anyway, I meant that I don't understand," he sighed. He probably was confused. After all, he was to fixated on other things back then to notice my despair.

"To you, it might've seemed like what you said, but to me our past was something totally different. Dad was too busy working and doing God-knows-what to come home. Mom was too busy trying to make you her perfect son. And you. You were too busy trying to fill the shoes and expectations of our parents. While I was just there, speculating everyone. No one really paid any mind to me or what I was doing. I tried to get attention but I learned that I wouldn't unless someone cared enough to look my way. Sure, you took care of me and did more than our parents ever did, but you had other things things to do. Things to accomplish." I looked at my feet as I said the rest. No one had interrupted me yet and I was wary of the looks I'd get if I looked them in the eye again.

"I understand that it isn't just about me, that you were trying your best to keep us together. And I appreciated that even though I knew that we wouldn't ever be a perfect family. It didn't help my state of mind back then, but I looked up to you. I could see you trying even if it was only a bit. But when you went away...it was like I was the only one left behind. I guess you could say I got a bit depressed. I couldn't eat or sleep some nights, but I tried to be up to your standards. And when you came back, I got so elated. That was, until I found you had made another connection with someone else. But I was ready to accept and congratulate you, until I realized what a vile person he was," I said. I looked up from fidgeting hands and realized I shouldn't have. Kade was looking at me with a face I didn't see coming. It was different.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Not yet. Not until I made my point and this humble abode of theirs. I took a in a breath and calmed myself down.

"When you brought that guys over, he tried to talk to me in an inappropriate way. I was - at the time, so I realized it was something he shouldn't have been doing. I even tried to tell you about it, but you were to busy trying to stay in his good-graces that you didn't pay any attention. Just like he wasn't paying attention to any of your advances."

"Well, I won't say that it wasn't true now that I think back on it, and I'm over that relationship anyway. But if you knew it was wrong, than why do that stuff together? Why didn't you just tell me what you were feeling in the moment?" Kade inquired. And I thought it was pretty obvious.

There's only about two reasons to betray the person you've looked up to your whole life. Either because you wanted to do it out of spite or something like that, or you were trying to show the truth. And I could never be the first option.

"I wanted to you to see. To see that he wasn't faithful towards you. Even if that meant being criticized and hated by you, I wanted to show you that he wasn't the one. You were suffering in my eyes and I wanted to relieve you," I looked in his eyes so he could understand that it really was for his well-being.

Las was calm now, but his eyes were full of confusion. He had this amusing look on his face while he was thinking.

"I see. So you're telling me you've looked up to me. And when you saw his personality, you wanted to protect me and did everything else after with your consent?"

"Well yeah... but not really that last part," I confessed.

Kade had a shocked and bewildered look on his face. "W-what do you m-mean? It was c-consentual, r-right?"

"Not exactly," I stated. "I had confronted him about his wrongdoing and how I wanted him to have nothing to do with you. But he said sex was the only way, and I did not want to do that. But he had pressured me with those words and about what would happen if I didn't agree. It was the worst experience in my life. And even though I beleived I was doing it for my big brother, it didn't stop me from hating myself even less."

Kade looked at me with his mouth open and eyes wide. Was he really that surprised? Did he really think that I would just come up with a scheme like that? And blindly agree with it at that? Well, I guess that serves just how frail and weak our connection really was.

"T-then why did you s-say it was back then? You d-defended him when I was about to repeat him?!"

Sigh. Could he not figure this out on his own? With everything I've told him thus far it should be kinda obvious.

"I had to. That was the final post in getting him to leave. That was the deal. When it was all over I had planned to tell you but our parents got involved. They kicked us out and I never saw you since then. I was left alone, abandoned, once again. And with no where to go at that. You were somewhere at college, while I was on the street, making a living for myself.

But I had to find you and tell you the truth, so you wouldn't resent me for all eternity. And I found you, finally. But you had moved on and made a stronger bond with a pretty girl. You didn't need me. But that didn't mean I didn't need you. I stayed on the sidelines, watching you when I could.

It might... Well it does sound stalk-ish, but it was the only way I could hold onto the string that kept me living."