Secrets & Love

Chapter 27: Joshua

TW
DRINKING
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With music pounding in and around me, I slam down my 3rd drink from tonight. I haven't been sober in the last 24 hours. At this point my parents gave up trying, or at least I'm too drunk to even notice.

With every drink I down, faster and faster I take another one. Doing stupid things like sleeping and flirting with girls. Playing beer pong just to keep drinking. It was a rush that will never stop until those perfect brown eyes leave my memory. Now it's time for more.

I go to the kitchen once again, grabbing the coke and rum. Making a concoction made up with mostly rum. There was no point in ice, as I drank it too fast for it to even get cold. Every time getting the same drink as the last, cheering with the drunk boys to chug a beer through a tube.

"Another one dude? Damn your beating us all man," a drunk male who was no taller than myself giggles at his own voice with his drunken slurs. "You're a beast." he laughs, walking away. I only take a big gulp out of my freshly made drink.

"Definitely a beast," a familiar voice comes in. Asher leans in the doorway of the kitchen, eyeing the drink in my hand.

"What are you doing here?" a growl, listening to it become sloppy from the alcohol in my system.

"How long have you been drinking?" He ignores my question.

"None of your fucking business," I say, taking in what was left of my drink.

"Give me that," he snatched the red plastic cup from my hand, spilling what's left of it all over me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Rum and coke huh? Always been your downfall."

I glare at him, grabbing another cup from the counter to make myself another drink. His own glare doesn't seem to be pleasant as he eyes the bottle I'm reaching for. Once again, he's taking things from me by grabbing the bottle.

"You've had enough! God it smells like you've been drinking for a week!" His words seem to have stung, but the numbness of my body is saving the pain.

"This is none of your fucking business," I slur while stumbling after him to take the bottle from him.

"It is my fucking business when it involves her!" her? Which one is she? Both? I stop in my tracks, an enraged feeling overcomes the intoxicated system.

"What the fuck did you just say?" I asked, ticking every second that passed.

"Do yourself a favor, and stop this nonsense."

At this point I feel the urge to lounge at him. Feeling the anger pass through my veins, clenching my fist. But also fuming at his sober state compared to my drunken one. Even though I can take him down no problem in my sober state, as I was taller and stronger than he is, drinking for 24 hours straight has its disadvantages.

As he stares directly at me, the taken bottle is still in his hand. His phone starts ringing. He picks it up, eyes still directly on my bloodshot eyes, as if I hadn't slept at all. When I slept, I saw her. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want the heartbreak.

"Hello?" He answers the phone. Only for his eyes to widen as much as possible. "What! Why?" I see as his body shifts in its place. If only I knew what it was, I could use what weakened him against him, as he does the same to me. "Okay im on my way," he says, hanging up the phone. "Fuck." He takes off, still holding the bottle in his hands. Why was he in such a hurry?

"Where the fuck are you going with that?" I yelled at him.

"You don't need any more of this," he says, taking a big swallow from it as he turns around, taunting it. "Sober up, or you're not seeing her." and I finally knew who he meant.

***

I won't sober up. She doesn't even want to see me in the first place. And why is it up to him to say if I can and cannot see her? She wasn't his. He hurt her. He taunts her. He... he's just not good enough for her. I think to myself. I was making yet another drink out of spite. Oh, how much I want to smash a bottle on Asher's head. But then I would feel bad for the bottle.

Was it her who called? Was she hurt? Scared? Alone? Was her nightmares back? Was she okay? I think, taking a gulp of my drink once again. Feeling it burn pleasantly in my throat. The feeling of it is what I craved most from it. There was nothing like it.

By now, I was once again walking home in the dark, stumbling over pebbles on the ground. The feelings overcome me. Someone whom I barely know can hold so much power over me. Whose heart healed my own. Whose heart I saw grow into a wonderful person in the last few weeks break right in front of me. Over in a matter of seconds. Every laugh. Every smile. Every kiss. Gone. Down the drain. In the gutter. Into the ocean of someone elses the world. His world. Asher's world. Taking another person from me. I needed to hit something. I needed to scream. As something builds inside me as I feel the alcohol drain from my pores. Pain.

I burst through the doors of my home, running up the stairs to my room. Running past the now empty room across from mine. The punching bag in the corner of my room is swinging with every hit of my fist. I feel it as the fabric cuts up my hands as I never wrapped them. A scream hits the air with every pulsing thrust of my hand against the bag. Feeling my skin become drenched in sweat, seeping through my clothes. The air around me is getting thicker and thicker. Finally the last hit. The last scream. Finally the pain hit, the pain hurt so bad. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stand, dropping to my knees. Tears flooded my eyes. I couldn't do it anymore.

"Fuuck," I screamed until my lungs give out. It hurt. It hurt so bad.

"Josh," a voice called. It was deep, filled with worry. As my father dropped down next to me, holding his grown son like a child as he wept over a girl. "It's okay, you're okay."

"She's not coming back," I wept into his arms. "She's gone. She's gone" the words whispered out in a single breath.

I was right. She was gone. So close, yet so far. I can't live knowing she's with him. With all people, she ran to him. Now I'm here, in my fathers arms, while she's doing who knows what. But she was gone.