Choices

Anxiety

 'You can't defeat your demons if you're still enjoying their company'

*Edited

I wake up to my alarm going off, I figured instead of sleeping all day if I started getting up and actually doing things it could help with learning to control my feelings and emotions. Sleeping blocks all of that out, so which one is really better? I was having a battle in my mind. Usually my mind won and I would go back to bed, but not today. I take a shower, getting dressed for the day. I start my coffee pot and start to make breakfast. Yogurt with fruit. Food and I have a love hate relationship. I use to eat myself sick. I was disgusted when I looked in the mirror. There was a while I would go days without eating, or I would just snack on a few things throughout the day. Now, I am slowly working eating right back into my routine.
 
I take the bus to the mall, I get off and look at all the people walking inside. People, there was a lot of people. Now I remember why I do all my shopping online. I try to calm my breathing, I can do this. I start to walk through the entrance. As soon as I step through the doors, I could automatically feel the AC, I pull my jacket closer to my body. I look around at all the little shops side by side and that's just the first floor, there were four more floors. I walk from shop to shop, not staying to long after I see price tags. I couldn't afford $60 for a shirt. Again, I see why I shop online. I had been here for almost two hours and every shop in my opinion was way overpriced. I was about to give up and go home.
 
"Princess?" I turn around to Stefano.
 
"I do have a name." I see a smirk on his lips.
 
"Did you just get here?" I shake my head. "Come on, I can take you shopping. I know all the best stores. They're not in here." We start to walk  out of the building.
 
"Then why were you in there?" I look at him as we walk into the first shop.
 
"I saw an angel and had to stop her."

  "Why are you talking to me?" I look at the price tag and my hand drops it. "Stefano, I can't..." I turn around and he has so many things in his hands. "What's all this?"
 
"Go try them on." I look at him and see a smirk on his face.
 
"But Stefano..."
 
"You can either walk back to that dressing room and try them on. Or I can change you right here. Your choice." I grab the items when I see that he wasn't joking and walk into the dressing room. I try on the first outfit. A pair of jeans that hugged to my bottom half, high-waisted will always be my favorite kind of jeans. The shirt hugged to my body and was low in the front. I look in the mirror. Nope. "Princess, time to come out." I jump when I hear Stefano.
 
"You want me to come out?" I don't think that I could.
 
"We could always come in there." I knew that he was serious.
 
"It's fine, I'm walking out." I step out of the dressing room and see Stefano and Nico. I see a smile on Stefano's face. "Love it. Next."

  "I don't like the shirt." I mutter out. "It shows to much."

  "Put it to the side little one." I look at Nico.
 
"I'm not little." I roll my eyes as I walk back in. A dress? He wants me to put on a dress? No way.
 
"Need help kitten?" I could hear Stefano. My heartbeat starts to rise, these men do something to me, I've never felt before and that's what scared me.
 
"No, I can get it." I put the red dress on, it again hugged to my body. It stopped mid thigh and was off the shoulder. I walk out of the dressing room, looking at the ground. It was silent for a long time. I feel my chin being lifted up and I look into the hazel eyes of Nico. I could get lost in the gold specks in his eyes.
 
"Go change before I rip that dress off of you and use you for my pleasure." I look at him in shock.
 
"Yes, Sir."  I mutter out before walking back into the dressing room. The next dress was a white dress. I looked like a goddess when I looked in the mirror. It was more lose, and had a slit up the left side. I walk out of the dressing room.
 
"We have a winner." I look at Stefano. "Go change princess, we'll meet you at the counter." I walk back into the dressing room and start changing back into my original clothes. I feel the curtain open, before I could even turn around, I'm pushed up against the wall. I'm turned around and I look at Nico.
 
"Don't think I didn't see you roll your eyes at me earlier." I feel my body start to shiver when he traces the top of my panties and I grab onto his shirt. He pins my hands against the wall. "Bad girls, don't get to touch." I bite my lip when he enters two fingers. "Already so wet. Good girl." He didn't stop, I try to say something, but the sound that came out my mouth was not any real words. He grabs my throat, trying to silence the moans. I could feel my eyes roll in the back of my head from all the pleasure that he was giving me. "Oh little one, you're fucking perfect." Then it was gone. He pulls his fingers out of my pussy, but watching him lick them clean of my juices. Just made me get more wet and my knees a little weak. His hand retracts from my throat. I let out a whimper from all the loss of contact. I see a smirk on his face. "Get dressed little one." He walks out of the dressing room and I stand there for a minute. Did that really just happen? I get dressed and walk out of the dressing room. Making my way up to the counter, I see Stefano handing over his card. The girl hands it back and he grabs about a dozen bags.
 
"Stefano, what's all this?" I looks at all the bags in his hands.
 
"It's all yours?" I shake my head.

  "Return it, I can't afford..."
 
"I already paid. There are no returns." He points to the sign. "How about something to eat?" I follow him out the store. I follow him to a cute little restaurant and we walk inside. The waiter leads us to a table outside.
 
"Why are yall being nice?" The question seem to come out. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but none of you know me. Yall treat me as if..."

  "You belong to us." I see a dangerous smirk on his face and here I thought Stefano was the playful one.
 
"I don't. I belong to no one. Stefano, keep the clothes. Give them to charity, I don't want them." They think they can just buy me anything and I'll do whatever they say. The bad part, they didn't have to buy me anything. My body reacted to them, all of them and that's what I needed to control. I get up from the table. "Stefano, I should go. Yall can't just buy your way into my bed." I walk out of the restaurant. I get on the first bus that I see. I let out a sigh of relief when I sit down and the bus pulls off. The bus goes by the café, I can see Stefano outside holding bags, he says something to Nico and Nico slaps him in the back of the head. I let out a small giggle.

  I make it to my apartment and my stomach growls after I lock my door. That's right, I left before we could even start lunch. I start to make dinner. Maybe I should go to the gym, I let out a laugh. That is not going to happen, my body actually isn't that big of an insecurity to me. My stomach could be flatter, the flab on my arms could go and my ass bigger. Everybody has their own insecurities. I like me, it's loving me is the part that I'm working on. I write in my journal for vacation.
 
I write Nico's name. My mind instantly goes back to the dressing room. I have never done anything like that, but I wasn't going to stop him. I've touched myself, but it's never felt like that. I definitely was not writing about that. Then I wrote Stefano's name. I should've never asked the question. I didn't mean to, it just came out my mouth. No guy has ever showed enough interest to spend thousands of dollars on clothes for me. I may not have that much experience with the opposite sex, but I'm not stupid.
 
I push the journal away as I finish dinner. How do you get someone out of your mind, when all you do is think about them? I shouldn't even be thinking about them, I don't know them. I take a shower and text Janice.

  'How do you distract yourself from someone?' I bite my lip as I hit send. Janice maybe older than me, but she was the only one that I could go to for advice.

  'You need to hit the night life butterfly.' I look at the text, I've never been to a club. Barely drink, what would be the point. 'Come to the diner tomorrow, I got the perfect dress. I'm serious Jess.'

  'I'll be there tomorrow.' Wait, a dress? Oh no, what have I got myself into? A dress. The nightlife. Those were definitely not me. Maybe it'll be good to step out of my comfort zone and try something different. I lay down and let sleep takeover.