MATILDA (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

CHAPTER 27: CROONING LIKE A VILLAINOUS TOAD

Within a matter of seconds the rest of the haggard band barged their way into the mansion.

"These are Count Olaf's accomplices." Klaus said with unambiguous exasperation.

"And they're all wearing costumes." Violet supported.

"No, children, these are adults. Adults don't wear costumes unless its for a charity ball, or they happen to be employed as actors." Matilda let the Baudelaire's attempt to talk sense into the belligerent banker - she had long since given up on trying to convince ignorant 'adults'. More than once, she had tried to convince her 'clients'. First, she tried with Miss Haleem - the aspiring clothing designer. She would chat sweetly to the girl, never really allowing space for Matilda to speak in between, but sweet nonetheless. She was slightly thick and ditzy but the worst Matilda would suffer in her service was the pin pricks and occasional scissor slip ups.
"Miss Haleem?" Matilda called one evening, receiving a hum in response. "I'm not safe at home."
"And why is that child?"
"Count Olaf ... he takes any chance he can to-to harm me ... he-"
"I'm sure he's just disciplining you, child."
"No... it's not discipline, I've done nothing wrong but-"
"But what?"
"But exist."
"Don't be ridiculous." Her voice still as sweet as ever but with a subtle bite behind them. "Your handler told me about these little stories you weave. Don't think you can fool me, child." Matilda could only be aghast for a moment. Before tears sprung to her eyes - she was five and a half.

One time she reached out to a stranger when she was dressed in rags sitting on the street; by order of Count Olaf, begging for coins to heavy his pocket. He insisted she needed to act the part - so he left her outside, locked her in the back garden for three days with no food, and a 'costume' (consisting mostly of a potato sack) - before driving her out to a street and dumping her on the curve with the instruction to not return until she had filled the purse.
"Please!" She called out, grabbing onto the coat of a kind looking gentleman. She'd finally found the courage to ask. "Help me. Please." The man's kind face screwed into revulsion.
"Get off me, vermin!" He spat. He'd actually spat, the parcel of saliva lagging squarely onto Matilda's face, causing her to scramble back hastily. She was only seven.

Finally, she tried Mr James. He seemed to be the most reasonable, but looking back, Matilda realised she should never have expected anything better from someone who implored Count Olaf for his services. He was kind - when it suited him. And often, Matilda enjoyed the riddles and logic puzzle he would present to her. And when she succeeded, he would praise her intelligence. When she would fail, he would be less kind (only insulting and demeaning the girl), but still more kind then anything she could remember encountering - and she failed very rarely. At the young age of ten, Matilda mistook this display of praise as a gesture of affection. And one day, she approached him with the intention of seeking refuge. She explained all of the torment she endured at home and with other clients, and for a moment, she thought that he would help as he sat and silently listened. At the end of her spiel, they sat in silence as she waited for a response.

"Where did you get this idea from?" The man had questioned. Matilda was struck into silence at his words. "What on earth made you think I would do anything to help you?" He started to laugh. "Olaf warned me of this. You're ability to tell stories. But, I actually believe you." Leaning forward into Matilda's space, the girl too shocked to even move back. "But why should I do anything? I enjoy watching your mind work, and that is all. I do not care for you and never will. You are an object I hire when I see fit." He spat the words into Matilda's face. "I pay you to solve my riddles, not seek my affection." He suddenly stood and moved away from Matilda as though she disgusted him.

"Keep this in mind, girl." Turned away from the child, in his fancy breeches and recently pressed shirt, he spoke harshly. "Do not assume that anybody cares. Let alone for a child who's own-"

Matilda was pulled from her state as the children began to move up the stairs. Shaking her head she tried to rid herself of the memory and focus on the present. She followed the Baudelaire's eyes to find them planted on Monty's body appearing from the Reptile Room covered in a sheet.

"Don't." She whispered, drawing Violet and Klaus' eyes to her instead. Once again, she could see their eyes begin to well. So she ushered them further up the stairs, averting their sight and regaining their resolve.

"We know the incredibly deadly viper didn't kill Uncle Monty." Violet stated as they return to their room, Matilda gently closing the door behind them.

"And we know that Count Olaf did. Mr Poe would never believe us." Klaus contributed.

"Not without evidence and proof."

"Nurse Lucafont may be a fake nurse, but Uncle Monty had two bite marks like a snake would make. I saw them this morning."

"I saw the incredibly deadly viper this morning, too. It was in its cage. While we were at the parlour Count Olaf must have set it loose."

"Or worse."

Matilda only observed the exchange between the two intelligent children and the plan they began to form.

"If we'd found proof earlier, maybe we could have saved Uncle Monty." Klaus voice descended into sorrow.

"If we put Count Olaf behind bars, we can still stop him from harming anyone else." Vioelt sighed.

"Including us." Klaus glanced over at Matilda and gestured her over. Reaching out he pulled her into his side, slightly squishing Roti, who then grumblingly moved to Matilda's other shoulder. The children noticed the small episode just minutes prior and could still see the consequences of it wracking through the small girl. 

"Do you think you can get back into the Reptile Room?" Violet asked Klaus, her eyes not leaving Matilda.

"I think I might have a way." And thus, plan began.

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Soon enough the children were moving out - Klaus climbing out of the window and Violet hiding behind the door with Matilda situated in the adjacent bathroom, the knife twirling in her hands, Roti perched on her head. Just as expected, footsteps were soon heard ascending the staircase - and with Matilda's extensive experience, she knew that those footsteps absolutely belonged to Count Olaf. As the steps grew closer, Violet and Matilda could hear the man mumbling to himself.
"Where's that damn knife?" Shuffling could be heard as he rifled through his lab coat. Matilda couldn't help but silently snicker from her hiding place. He finally breached the entrance of the bedroom.
"Oh orphans, our ship awaits." He crooned like a villainous toad, croaky and poisonous. "Orphans?"
Just have to give Violet enough time to get past, Matilda thought. From her vantage point, she couldn't see the door, and so would have to estimate the timing of both Violet and Count Olaf. She let a few seconds pass before tapping the edge of the knife on the sink - a few clean, tinks whispering from the bathroom. At the sound, the footsteps halted and Matilda grew a smirk. As he made his way closer to Matilda's position, the girl made sure she was hidden from sight, pulling her knees up to her chin and tucking the flying lizard into her collar.
"Come out, come out." He sang. Spotting the bathtub concealed by a shower curtain, the count solidified his menacing grin. "Where on earth...could they be!" On the exclamation, he ripped open the shower curtain, only to scream loudly and fall backwards onto his behind.

Inside the bathtub sat The Broken-Hearted Crocodile, hilariously fitted with a pink, floral shower cap.

"Woe is me." The crocodile wailed solemnly. Matilda could only giggle mutely from her spot behind the vanity as he ran from the room.

Now for phase two.

A/N

Hello everyone! Happy holidays! Thankyou all so much for reading! please leave a comment and/or a vote if you could.

Thankyou all so much!