The witches' kingdom - TOG series

Chapter 7 | Manon

I really didn't know why I felt so comfortable with Fernys. I hadn't even asked myself that question until I saw how upset Dorian was. Clearly, he was jealous, and he didn't want to admit it, but a part of me enjoyed seeing him like that.

Things with Fernys were quite simple. We would often be quiet but keep each other company. I had only seen him a few times in the kitchen, but I couldn't recognize in him the compassionate and concerned look that I saw in everyone else around me. Dorian, Glennis, Petra, and even Aelin looked at me as if I were going to break, as if I were no longer the beast I used to be, and they pitied me. Not Fernys. I was broken, he was broken, we both knew it, and we lived with that pain, but we didn't pity each other. We had lost a lot, and we would never be the same, but we stoically accepted it and decided never to be victims again. It was something the others couldn't perceive or accept, which is why it was so pleasant to be with him.

When Fernys left the kitchen, Dorian was containing his magic and his anger. Fernys had been quite careless in saying those things to him, and I didn't really understand the territorial behavior that men sometimes displayed. But it didn't concern me; I didn't owe anything to either of them.

"So, you have a new friend," Dorian said, unable to hide his discomfort.

"Dorian, you're being quite dramatic. We were just having dinner. Besides, I don't have to explain anything to you," I replied, finishing the last piece of cheese on my plate.

He stayed silent, staring at me as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to reveal what he was about to say: "I thought you had left without saying goodbye," he finally said, not hiding his vulnerability as he uttered those words.

I understood that it wouldn't have been easy for him to admit it, but a part of me still held resentment from our last encounter at the camp.

"Well, that sounds like something you would do," I didn't want to continue avoiding the subject any longer.

In my life, no one had ever made me feel as vulnerable as Dorian did. I understood his reasons, I knew he had to leave, but he wasn't fair to me, and for the first time in my life, I was hurt by a man. And at this moment, it was the least of my worries. I had to rebuild a kingdom, unify two rival clans that had been enemies for centuries, and... learn to live without my Thirteen. But it still hurt, and although I tried to forget it, I couldn't. Perhaps, something inside me wanted to bring up the subject at that precise moment because I knew I was leaving the next day, and it would be much easier to walk away and never look back if I opened my eyes and realized that Dorian wasn't meant for me and that there was no future there.

"Manon, I..." he began hesitantly, as if he didn't know what words to use.

"Let it go, Dorian. By tomorrow morning, I'll be gone anyway."

I left the empty plate on the table and headed towards the door. I was tired, and I needed to gather my strength. I didn't have the energy to argue anymore.

I didn't even have time to reach the door when a warm breeze carassed my face, and just then, a hand grabbed my wrist. "Manon, don't go. I know what I did was wrong, that I shouldn't have pushed you to open up like that if you weren't ready, but I had to do it."

"And what exactly did you have to do, Dorian? Make me humiliate myself for you or leave me stranded in bed?"

"Humiliate you? Do you think telling me that you care about me is humiliation?"

"Dorian, I'm a witch, I'm the Queen of the Witches! Do you know what that means to me? Do you know what it meant for me to propose to you? It seems like you don't, because all you've ever wanted is that, a partner, a pretty and compliant courtier who will reign by your side."

I think the conversation was spiraling out of control, and perhaps it annoyed me more than I'd like to admit. And even though when I said it, I only wanted to protect him from certain death, a part of me did want him to stay with me.

"I'm sorry for forcing you to say things you didn't want to say, and I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but I had to do it, for all of us," he said with teary eyes. "Manon, believe me when I say it was the hardest thing I've ever done... I would never have forgiven myself for forcing you to be my wife, to lose your freedom..." I cut him off.

"Is that what you thought? That I was being forced?" - I was starting to lose control. In my head, I couldn't stop asking myself why I was getting so worked up, but my heart said otherwise.

I couldn't believe that Dorian thought I was submitting myself, forcing myself to propose an alliance. Didn't he believe that I could be a good queen and manage good alliances for the Witch Kingdom, or was he truly unable to see that my interest in him was sincere?

I stared directly into his face, and although I wasn't very good at reading people's emotions, I couldn't tell if his expression was one of anger or astonishment at seeing me like this.

"Manon, calm down. You're on edge, your iron teeth and nails are out" he said. Oh God, I was out of control. I hadn't even realized it. The look of surprise on Dorian's face revealed that I hadn't even noticed and that something was wrong. "Let's go to the room and talk about it, please."

Without saying a word, I nodded, and we went upstairs. I was quite confused by my reaction and angry at myself and him for affecting me so much. I was breathing heavily, and when I reached the room, I had to sit on one side of the bed.

Dorian approached me slowly and knelt in front of me, holding my face gently. He asked me very softly, "What's really going on, Manon?"

"I... I don't know... I don't know what's happening to me," I said, looking into his eyes, and I started to calm down.

"Manon, tomorrow morning you'll go to your new kingdom, with your people, and you have a daunting task ahead to reunify your kingdom and rebuild your lands. And after all these years, you're the best leader the Witch Kingdom could ask for."

"I... I don't know if I can... do it alone, Dorian," my breathing started to hitch again, and my eyes stung as I spoke that truth I had been trying to hide by avoiding everyone and sneaking away at night to devour in the kitchens.

"I'm scared too, more than you can imagine. I'm afraid that my people won't accept me, that the reconstruction of Adarlan won't go as planned, of seeing my mother and my brother, of... not being a good king. It's not bad to be afraid, Manon. We're alive, and it's part of who we are," he said, his hands still caressing my cheeks. "I'm also afraid of being separated from you, of not being able to see you every day, and of you eventually forgetting about me."

I must admit that although his words and feelings comforted me, that last confession took my breath away. I was terrified too that he would forget about me, but I hadn't been able to acknowledge it.

"Dorian... I..." I didn't know how to continue; I was completely shocked. I wanted to tell him that I was terrified too, but I wasn't accustomed to that level of honesty.

"You don't have to say anything, Manon. I know that maybe I'm not that important to you, that I'm not immortal, and you're the queen of the witches who..."

I had to cut him off because the words were escaping from my mouth uncontrollably. I couldn't hold it back. "I love you, Dorian," and there it was, what I never wanted to come out of my mouth, unleashed from within me.

Dorian's face was filled with absolute surprise; his blue eyes were so wide it seemed like they would pop out of their sockets, and suddenly his cheeks turned slightly red. Not as much as mine, which were redder than Aelin's flames, and I had to immediately lower my gaze to the floor. I couldn't believe I had just said that.

Then Dorian lunged at me and kissed me. It was a kiss unlike any we had shared before—desperate yet calm, demanding yet sweet. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear: "You have no idea how happy you've just made me, Manon. You saved me that day in Adarlan, and you've saved me again today. I love you.