For Cameron Daniels it was a love story that began with just one look. A look from a new boy at school that seemed to search deep into his soul and find him out.
Bullied by his brothers and cousin, Cameron was fearful of what they, and his homophob...
I reached over to my bedside locker and extracted my towel to wipe away the pearl necklace I had just given myself. I lay back down, smugly satisfied with the results of my exertions and with my ardour quelled for the time being.
I was relieved that Keegan was at least giving me three months notice before jumping me. I was still unsure as to how I would cope with it.
Kaiden and I had Googled 'everything you need to know about gay sex' one time when Keegan was out watching football, and since then the thought of doing it had played on my mind, mainly about how painful was it.
I had already been asking myself questions like... Did I want to kiss, suck, rub, or touch? What did I want to try first? When and, more importantly, where did we actually start all this? These questions, and many more, were what I needed help with.
I picked up my tablet and Googled 'everything you need to know about gay sex' again. I needed to read it in the privacy of my own space and without the constant interruptions, like last time, from Kaiden and Keegan texting each other. Boy! Was that annoying and frustrating, or what that day? Every so often one of them texted the other.
Unusually Keegan was with Eric and was meant to be watching West Ham play soccer in an FA Cup game at Upton Park and I was round their house keeping Kaiden company. We had been talking and searching the Internet for all manner of things, discussing really personal issues, but the constant obsession by both of them to be in contact with each other had eventually got to me and our search had fizzled out to a damp whimper.
I knew that they hated being apart and that day had brought that home to me. Keegan had been honest and had said from day one that I would more or less play second fiddle to Kaiden, but the reality of dealing with that was hard. The fact that he had already said tonight that he wouldn't be able to spend the whole night with me because of Kaiden had put my back up. I needed my 'me time' with him. Time that it would be just me and him. Time that we could discuss more what we thought and what we wanted. I didn't want to discuss my feelings towards him with Kaiden in attendance anymore. I wanted to discuss it directly with him and for it to be private between us.
Was that too much to ask? Was I being too demanding? Too selfish?
A resentment of Kaiden was beginning to build and I immediately attempted to put a lid on it quickly. It was on, but it wasn't secure and I knew it. I could see myself losing my cool over it and I didn't want to. I liked Kaiden, but his need of Keegan, in my mind, was bordering on selfishness. That was my resentment.
I paid more attention to what I was supposed to be doing and I clicked on one page that said it was OK to be scared or nervous of gay sex. Everyone is the first time. I took comfort from that, comfort from knowing that I wasn't alone in thinking the way I did. Knowing I wasn't being stupid.
It made me laugh as it posed a question immediately that I could relate to ..... 'Considering popping the cherry?'
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
