A Caged Angel

Chapter 22

-Fearia-

It's been a week since me and Kaiden's trip to the lake house. The trip was very nice but I just couldn't stop thinking about what our future could hold. The wedding is in two weeks and Kaiden's mom and Crystal have been pestering me about all the wedding details. I've let them take control of most of it so they would stop asking me about it. I have better things to worry about then what color flowers I want at my wedding.

Kaiden and I have been good. We've had our good moments and our bad moments. I've been in a better mood since our trip despite the lingering weight of the wedding. Kaiden allows me to go running everyday, he also got me some workout equipment and put it in one of their empty rooms. He says there's a gym in the castle but there's no way he's letting me go there because only men workout there.

We have not kissed since the lake house, i try to go to bed by 10 and most of the time Kaiden hasn't been getting home until 12. He then leaves early in the morning around seven. I usually see him in the afternoon or around dinner time when he comes back to grab something to eat.

It was around 4pm in the afternoon and me and Crystal were sitting on the couch watching the bachelor. I stole some wine from Kaiden's wine cabinet. I'm pretty sure he knows I've been drinking it but hasn't said anything to me yet. Crystal has been bombarding me with different wedding dress styles all day, most of which are very extravagant and not me. I've always had a more simplistic style and always imagined my wedding dress the same but I guess having a simple white wedding dress is not what royals do apparently.

"What was it like to be free?" Crystal said to me out of the blue. She could tell I was shocked at her question so she spoke again "Like what was it like to be able to make choices about your life. Like every choice regarding my life was made for me. There's a part of me that wonders what it would be like to have made those choices for myself."

I look over to her realizing that for 18 years of my life I was free and didn't realize what a luxury that is until now. "I honestly don't know. I didn't feel as caged in, there was always the fact that if I wanted to change something about my life I could. Everything was a possibility back then."

"I mean even guys. If you didn't like one you could just leave them and there would be no repercussions, right?" she asked and that made me think back to Andrew and I, and what our relationship was like then and how me and Kaiden could never have that type of relationship.

"Yeah that's true, a lot of things were different there."

"I'm sorry you were taken from your life back home. I know that must be hard for you."

"It is, sometimes I don't feel like I'll ever fit in here. Like i'm always going to be the odd one out.'' She looked at me with pity. I've always hated people pitying me but it was nice that I had a friend that saw me as who I am. "Sometimes I feel as if I'm living in hell, like this is my darkest nightmare, the one thing I've always feared. Not being in control of my life. Sometimes I just feel so powerless."

"The sad thing is you aren't wrong, we are powerless. Women here are nothing but mere objects men show off, our only purpose is to bring men heirs and after that we are nothing." Hearing it coming from her hurt. Realizing someone thought the same things that I've been telling myself about the world here hurt me.

"What do they see in women that that's all they think of us as, do they really view us as that useless?"

"I don't think that they see us as 'useless' but I think they just view themselves as the superior gender."

"That's one way to put it," there was a brief silence between us for a few moments before I spoke again. "How do you do it? You know, live in this world. You and Josh seem to have such a healthy relationship, you two seem so... happy." I faced her hoping for a real answer, not wanting a sugar coated one that made me feel better and hope that maybe me and Kaiden would have a normal and happy relationship. I wanted the truth. I wanted to know what goes on behind closed doors.

"It's not easy. I guess there is a power exchange too. Josh owns me so he gets to make my decisions for me. I have to trust him to make those decisions. But I'm not going to lie when he first bought me it was rough. I was always taught by my parents how to respect a man but it was hard having to do more than just respect him. Josh has rules, and I used to break a lot of those rules. I was young and naive, I thought being sold and getting a husband meant my life would get better but at times it felt like the opposite. I wanted to know what was out there in the world but being with Josh meant I was tied down. As hard as it was at the beginning it got a lot better, I think a good relationship in this world is based on trust and respect. Each person has to trust and respect each other equally. Yes Josh has more power over me but those two things in our relationship are the same. I know you're scared I would be too if I were you, but Kaiden's a good guy. He has good intentions, he just doesn't know how to show it sometimes."

She paused and looked at me for a little bit, I didn't know what to say to her. She's not like the other girls I've met here. She's real, she doesn't fake her emotions or personality. When she's around Josh nothing seems forced. They love each other for who they are. They have accepted one another. "Sometimes I question if there is more for me out there. Like I could be more than just Josh's trophy. I love him, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like there is more to life than this. I want to be able to make an impact on the world we live in but that's only a dream and not my reality.

"Do you think Kaiden will ever see me as his equal? Do you even think he's capable of loving me?" I questioned, the answers to both of those questions are probably no but it's worth asking someone who knows him better than I do.

"I don't think he will ever see you as his equal, and I may be wrong but I think he already loves you. He probably has since the moment he set eyes on you."

"If he already loved me then why does he get mad at me so much, why does he yell at me, and criticize me?"