Kal
I stormed around the suite, throwing down cloths, shoes, bedding, towel, and various other objects that got in my way. I almost pitied the room. But, fuck! I was beyond angry! With Greyson. With Laurence. And especially with myself. Once again In the face of Laurie's demands I had cowered and given in. It was though nothing had changed in the last few years. As though I were still the young girl infatuated with her first love and who had no way of protecting herself. As though I, once again, were weak.
Weak. An abominable word. An even worse verb. I had one law for myself, a single rule never to be broken. I will never be weak, never give in. And yet, in the face of Laurence, that rule was broken. Here I was, once again weak. Once again bowing under his pressure. I wanted to scream. Everything had changed, yet nothing had changed. When he showed up I felt old feelings rise to the surface, ancient memories came back to haunt me. Finally, I threw a glass vase at the wall, the sharp sound of glass breaking shocking me to my senses and ending my tirade. I felt something warm on my hand and saw that I had cut myself. Too exhausted to car, I collapsed into a plush chair.
Then my eyes grew hot, my throat tight, and a small sob escaped my lips. Tears started streaking down my cheeks hot, wet, and salty. Everything was already so fucked up back in Vermont. I'd hoped that, for a few days at least, I would be able to pretend it wasn't. But it was, and Laurence being here made it one-hundred percent worse. He still had a hold over me. Not of love or even one of moderate affection. I hated him. I hated him because his hold was one of submission. Cruelty. Pain. The hold of a master who has broken his servant. And even after the jagged pieces were put back together, I was still more delicate. Easily breakable.
"Kal?" Grey called out. I opened my mouth to answer, but noise refused to break from my lips. So instead I sat there quietly and waited for Greyson to find me. It took a moment, but he finally came into the room and, upon seeing me, rushed forward, grabbed me, and cradled me gently against his chest protectively as though he knew. I curled closer to him and cried harder, wondering if he had any idea just how precariously the broken pieces of me were put together. And that he was the glue keeping them attached.
Grey
Kalshan clutched tightly to my shirt, crying. But crying wasn't really a good description of it. Heart-wrenching, terrified, weeping was a better description. I held her tightly, realizing that Laurence had hurt her. Just as I'd thought. They'd been together, after all. And the little fuck was known for having a fondness of "breaking" his girls. Had since junior high. I just hadn't known Kal had ever been one of them. I stroked her hair gently, rocking her back and forth.
I wasn't sure how long it took for her tears to subside, I just know it was a long time. But slowly they did subside. And soon the only wetness on her cheeks was left over from crying. She looked like she could have still had tears running down her face if she'd had any left. But I doubted she did. I leaned in and gently kissed her forehead, being careful with her. I had a feeling she could break any moment.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked. She shook her head.
"Do you need to?" She nodded this time. I shifted us so we were on the chair, facing each other, our legs twined together.
"You already know I met him in London," she started quietly. "I'd been at an art show, I used to adore all kinds of art. Anyway, this one was all sculptures. Laurence was there with a couple friends. He was charming, handsome, rich, and interested in me. I was thirteen. So young and naïve. I was just flattered that someone like him would want me." She took a deep breath before she continued.
"We went on a few dates. He was my first kiss. He made me feel things I'd never felt before and I loved it. I very quickly found myself loving him. After a couple weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. I introduced him and his dad to April. Things were still going good between us. April and Xavier definitely liked each other. They got engaged fast but agreed Laurie and I could continue seeing each other, so we did.
"A few weeks into their marriage, he his me for the first time." A single tear dropped down her cheek. "He apologized and told me he didn't mean it. I so wanted that to be true, I believed him. Then it happened again and again. Soon every time something didn't got the way he wanted it to, he would beat on me. I was just so in love, somehow I managed to justify to myself. He was under so much stress. Playing rugby and getting perfect grades would push anyone to edge. It got worse and worse.
"Finally, a year in, he broke me." Her voice stayed strong as she said the words. I felt rage course through me, strong and hot. Kalshan stood up and unzipped her pants, then pushed them down to expose the top her thigh. The part that had always been covered, if not by shorts, then by garters. A pearly, white scar circled around the entire thigh.
"He got off on seeing girls cut themselves. He liked blood. And he liked braking us. But that wasn't how he got me to do it, of course. He said if I really loved him, I would do this. That if I really wanted him and really wanted him to be happy, I would cut myself. He made me strip down to nothing." She paused for a moment, trying to keep composure. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but Kalshan needed to get this out, I knew.
"After I was entirely naked, he handed me the blade, said to do it. And I did. Because I wanted him to love me. I told myself that if I did this one thing, he would love me. He would want me. It took me a couple months, but I realized that his love of blood was just perverted and that he would never love me. Never truly want me. So I showed April the bruises. Not the cuts, though. Never the cuts. We called the police but Xavier had so much influence there wasn't a lot we could do.
"April moved us back to Vermont. She may have always rented out her body, but she at least never let a man hit her. And she wouldn't let a man hit me." Kalshan pulled her pants back up and started pacing around the room. "I managed to get myself back together. I made myself strong. I would allow myself to be anything else." She stopped at the window and looked down it as she spoke. Her voice had become detached, somehow that uncaring tone was worse than the pain. The resignation was harder to bear than the sorrow.
"But when I saw him, the old fear came up. If I didn't greet him the right way, if I didn't exactly what he wanted, how bad would the beating be tonight? Intellectually I know he's never going to hit me again. But I remember, it's all I remember." I got up and pulled her back against my chest the just held Kalshan for a long time, swearing I was going to get Laurence Van Winter if it was the last thing I did.
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I don't know about you all, but this part made me cry. :( But it has a happy ending. Sort of... haha. Comment if you like! or if you don't, that's fine too. xoxo~ Ash
