I SEE YOU NOW (A Cara Delevingne Fanfic) GxG

CHAPTER XVI: Cara

I woke up with Sam beside me, our faces just mere inches apart. My head rested on her shoulder while my right arm was hugging her chest. I lifted my face to look at hers.

Even when asleep, Sam still looked gorgeous. She was sleeping very peacefully. I also slept peacefully through the night. I was exhausted. But happy. Happily exhausted.

I took a glimpse on the small clock on the bedside table. 7am. We must have slept between 12mn and 1am.

I smiled on the memories from last night flashing through my head. They were amazing. They seemed too good to be true. They felt like dreams I'd always have but never would happen. But it happened. It actually happened. And I loved every minute of it. Every part of Sam. Everything we did. Everything we shared.

I lifted my right hand very slowly and went to caress her left cheek, brushing a strand of her hair over her ear. Her skin was so soft.

I smiled absentmindedly. God, she's so freaking gorgeous. She looked like an angel. She's my angel. And I know one has to be dead and good to see one, but I can see her and she's angel enough for me.

I think I'm ready. I could love her as much as I loved Annie before. Even more. I love her. And I could see what our future together would look like.

We'd go to beaches. We'd go to places never sought before. We'd eat exotic things. We'd be our mad selves. We'd love. We'd live together.

Then her phone trembled against the bedside table. I thought it was just an alarm she must have forgotten to turn off. As I carefully moved my arm to turn it off, I was completely taken aback by what I saw.

It was Rooney calling. Then it went to a missed call. I could see from the screen that Rooney had already called like 11 times. I slowly sat bolt upright on the bed, careful not to wake Sam up.

All of the thoughts I had when I woke up disintegrated just as quickly as they were built.

Then I turned my body to look at Sam. I began to worry as I saw her peaceful face and exposed skin underneath the blanket.

What if Sam just used me because she was heartbroken and lonely? What if the feelings were never mutual at all? What if she just needed someone to spend the night with and not as someone to share her life with?

Then I went to stare at the clothes laying on the floor, being torn crazily last night from our bodies.

What if I used her because she was heartbroken and lonely? What if I used her because I, myself, was heartbroken and lonely? What if we were both just using each other?

I knew Sam still loves Rooney. Even I wasn't sure if I still love Annie. Maybe Sam and I got into a bit of a rush because we were both left and devastated by love. We were both suffering. And it felt bad seeking it from each other's arms. It didn't feel right even if it felt perfect. This, me and her, on the same bed, both naked and tired from the night before, seemed all wrong.

It was wrong. It definitely was wrong. We only met last Friday and we already had made love, if it was even shared mutually. Am I stupid for thinking like this? It was clearly the opposite last night. But what would happen after this? Would we still talk like it was the night or days before? Like this never happened? Or would it be awkward after then?

I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want for us to become strangers again like we were three days ago. I couldn't handle that. I wanted Sam. And I felt like she wanted me too.

But it all seemed sudden and wrong. God, why am I feeling this way? Am I doing the right thing? Or maybe we got a bit carried away?

I carefully slid off the bed and took my clothes, quickly dressing up. I looked at Sam and she was still sleeping very peacefully. Like an angel. My angel. My Sam. And I'm leaving her.

What am I doing? Am I supposed to just leave her here alone when she wakes up? Would I let her think this was just some sort of one-night stand? It saddened me for her to think that it didn't mean anything when, in fact, it meant the world to me. I love Sam. But I wasn't sure if she'd ever loved me back like she loved Rooney. Or would ever. Maybe we both just needed time to think this through. We were rushing into things that were supposed to take time to develop.

But does it have to take time? What if we were really meant to be together? What if fate meant for us to meet in that coffee shop? What if fate let that old lady shush me out and me to think it was Sam? What if fate made us meet another time to make up that first night at the pub?

But fate didn't make us meet for the second time. I made effort. I went to her gig even if she didn't invite me to. I went to offer her a lift home even Elizabeth would agree to take her after too many begs. It was also me who showed up to her charity event and invited her to Rihanna's concert. All of them were efforts done by myself and none involved hers. What if Sam hasn't moved on from Rooney yet? And she just took me because I was always there for her. This was all wrong. I loved Sam for the wrong reasons that I thought were perfect. She took me because she felt empty. She was empty.

I gathered all my belongings and tiptoed towards the door. As I was about to close it, I went to have one last glance at Sam.

I'm sorry, Sam, I said to myself.

Then I left.