I SEE YOU NOW (A Cara Delevingne Fanfic) GxG

CHAPTER XVII: Samantha

"Here you go, Sam," Rihanna uttered as she offered me a plate filled with mini pancakes, strips of bacon and three tiny slices of avocado. She wore around her a silky pink robe, it would be no wonder if she's not wearing anything underneath as she exchanged some meaningful looks with a guy sipping coffee by her kitchen counter.

"Thank you," I managed to say. All of them were eating silently except one blonde girl who was still on her hangover and was cradling her head with her arms by the table. I forgot what her name was. The television was blaring a news about the weather but no one seemed to be watching it, just the background noise to fill the void that is the huge dining/living room Rihanna has. 

I never really regarded what a celebrity's life felt like, but it seemed that it's not far too different than us normal people. Every person gets a little lonely sometimes. No exception.

Then my eyes landed on Cara. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and even though, it seemed to look kind of messy, she looked beautiful just the same. Her other hand was holding a piece of toast while the other was fiddling on her phone. She was quiet. Not the good kind of quiet. And I knew what it definitely meant. The moment, I could feel I've been staring for far too long now, I immediately averted my look and stare at my breakfast instead. There are four tiny strips of bacon on my plate.

Bacon. Food. Cara's favorite food. I shrugged the horrible feeling that was about to sputter.

How ironic it was to say that I finally thought fate was real. But things just really happen for no apparent reason. That's just the funny way the universe does to people. Making people believe that things mean something. 

I woke up earlier this morning feeling contented and happy only to find out that it was only a one-night stand. And that was all it would ever be. That was all it was. 

A one-night stand. A thing where two lonely, heartbroken and lost people do and regret the next morning. Add that to the list of Samantha's first experiences that she'd rather forget.

I had mixed emotions afterward. I was extremely angry, that was for sure. I thought I knew Cara. I thought about how she could just leave me like that. 

At first, I thought that maybe Cara just got up early and went to have a breakfast. But she didn't even greet me nor acknowledge my presence the moment I walked out the guest room. I realized then that maybe I was wrong about her. 

Maybe, she is the Cara Delevingne that I used to know in headlines. Maybe, she is the real Cara. Carefree. Reckless. Not meant to be tied down. But she loved someone. She loved Annie. Why can't she love me back? Am I different from what she expected me to be? It hurts -- this thought that I'd never be Annie, I'd never be loved like she loved Annie.

It was my fault, anyway. Maybe, after the breakup with Rooney, I got so broken that I didn't know what love meant anymore. Come on, Sam. You can't just simply fall in love with someone you just met a few days ago. Don't be so stupid.

I was happy, yes, Cara did make me happy. It did happen. And I could see guilt sketched all over Cara's face. And now my own demons had finally took over.

Did she only do that to help me because I was lonely? That I needed someone or maybe something to get over Rooney? Or maybe we both did. 

But last night, no matter how hard I try to deny the truth, I was making love to Cara, and not Rooney. But could she be too? Or was she thinking of Annie when she moaned my name? Was she visualizing that it was Annie she was making love with instead of me?

I wanted to break down and cry. It's the most sensible thing I could think to do. But the anger inside of me was more significant than the hurt and sadness I felt. 

~~~

Cara practically avoided me the entire morning until we finally left Rihanna's house. It was a long and awkward ride home with Cara. I knew that whatever happened between us, Cara's still nice enough to offer me a ride. It's the least she could do. More for the reason that she was the one who invited me, not because of the one night stand thing.

Almost an hour has passed when I finally arrived at the outside of my apartment. There was total silence. Nobody dared to talk about what happened last night. It was deafening. It was scary to think that we'd go back to being strangers as we were three days ago.

Cara pulled the car into a stop beside the building and didn't even look at me. Was she supposed to ignore me until I climb down her car?

I wanted to say something. I wanted her to say something. But I knew I had no luck on the latter option.

I began, "I think we should talk about what happened last night." 

Cara looked at me. I stared back. And I wished I hadn't. Because right now in front of me, I saw someone I do not know. A different side of her. Or maybe, the real her.

"I..," I swallowed. I couldn't find the exact words or couldn't get myself to say the exact words. "Was it... just-"

"Sam," Cara interjected, her voice sounding calm, as if she's been doing this for the hundredth time. "I might have been a li'l bit intoxicated last night. I don't know what I was doing. I.. I'm sorry."

Cara avoided my look as she explained. I got angry again. Confused. Sad. Broken. But still angry. At least she was honest. Honesty can save a whole lot of pain down the road. But it doesn't mean that it won't hurt.

I looked away from her as I absentmindedly arranged my stuff inside my bag.

"What happens after this?" I had to ask.

"I don't know," she muttered. "We.. we can still be friends."

Friends. I sighed in disbelief.

"I have to ask... And forgive me if I'm being too forward... So it didn't mean anything to you what we did last night? Or... what happened last night?" I couldn't control my anger anymore, I could feel my tone rising.

Cara looked at me sympathetically, noticing the change of tone in my voice. She seemed lost too. And it hurt me even more.

"We were lonely," Cara began. "We... we were just fooling around, right?"

Fooling around. I scoffed, trying to control myself from crying. No, she doesn't deserve to see me cry and break down like this.

"Don't you think we were rushing into things?" Cara went on.

I exclaimed, "Rushing?"

"We only met last Friday and I barely even know anything about you." It hurt that she was right.

"And so you just end it like that because of what happened last night?"

Cara glared back at me. "What do you think will happen after? I mean it's clear you still have feelings for Rooney. Even I wasn't sure I have moved on from.. someone... We carry a lot of baggage we have not yet given up, Sam."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. Last night, she was telling me how to move on and look for someone that would care for me. Maybe it was just not her. Maybe it was just not Cara.

"Say something," Cara pleaded as I couldn't think of a reply. I just stared absentmindedly before me. "Do you think we'd just have our happily ever afters without even closing the doors of our pasts?"

Cara had a point. Rooney and I still haven't had our closure. And it made me so unsure of everything. Maybe I'm just too broken.

I finally muttered after exhaling a sigh, "You're right."

Cara only stayed silent, but I thought she flinched when I answered.

"You were right... We... We were rushing into things," I carried on. "We were so lost and broken, we thought we could save each other."

"Sam, I-" Cara suddenly stopped as we saw two hunky dudes in black leather jackets just around the corner. A camera with telephoto lens slung around their necks. Paparazzis.

"Thank you for the ride, Cara," I muttered, avoiding to look at her.

I hurriedly climbed down the car and walked in a fast pace into the building. I could hear the clicking of shutters behind me. Bad things just happen.