Dangerously Discontent

Life as death.

There were no tears now in my eyes,no thoughts,no emotions. I stood at the edge of the terrace,I knew I could jump and this would all end for me. Then again I felt stupid. Why am I doing this? I'm I so in love? I didn't knew but all I understood was love happens,love happens too quickly and perhaps love in a glance happens too,I look through my blurry vision in the frosty air,can someone feel my pain,can someone access my body and my soul can get rid of this carnal body.

I saw the darkness move in a circle around my head,I saw Tue moon.....moon princess? Tears appeared again dissolving the vision I had,I sat down. It was cold,I had nothing to protect myself for. I didn't knew why I was crying for something that wasn't ever mine....

The morning approached and I attended my Aunt who was having the conversation with the maid,discussing the grocery and dairy products to be bought from the market. She said,the engagement would be tomorrow. I wasn't affected by it at all my emotions have flowed into the air through my tears.

I could hardly speak but now I needed my voice to help me out this time "I think I should go with her,since it's the engagement party, I think someone should supervise her and handle the shopping. I'll see if I can get something else too for decorations and stuff"

I immediately turned after speaking for I couldn't hold my tears for longer,I thought I was done crying but here they are again.

"That would be excellent! But Bareek is getting the decorators from the town today don't worry we won't cut off this event on a small budget for your sister!" She said and patted my shoulder and left.

I sniffed my tears back and waited for the car to come take me away from this place. I feel suffocated here now,the main market is about an hour or so away, the very reason I want leave. I would spend all my time there and I hope to not return.

I could see Mehreen walking towards the kitchen I fled from the back door,I can't face her.I can't.

I sat in the car and the maid with Tufayl accompanied.
Aunt must have sent Tufayl. He's not trouble though,he hardly looked at me,engrossed in his phone.

I felt healed as I was taken away from the mansion,the market place was far away,it was healing me,the distance.
I need to be strong. I need to face this. I cannot be so cowardly. I must accept this relation gracefully. Burhan loves her,she would love Burhan,where am I in this picture?

I don't know by Burhan had to say all those things to me,I misinterpreted them. I'm a deserted soul on my beloved land now. The market place was busy but nothing affected me,I didn't bother to leave the car,the maid sure had problems with that.

She asked me if we could get the meat from a little farther,I accepted her suggestion as I just wanted to be anywhere far but return home.

When the car was packed with all the bags. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing anyone back. I ran into a small supermarket and stood there.

"Have you gone crazy?" Tufayl exclaimed as he followed me in.

"I need to use the bathroom!" I answered quickly and started looking for the same.

When I entered into the bathroom,it was a small,vaguely lit washroom with jittery lights. The smell was horrible,it was dirty and cold. I opened one of the toilet booth inside and it was horrendous. I walked back, I breathed out and held my breath. I don't want to go home but I don't know what else can make me stay here.

I sat in a corner of that bathroom and covered my mouth and nose. I was shivering again,my head tapping the wall back. I hate what is happening to me and I can't even control it.

I rejected three calls by the maid who I requested to not enter inside.
But the fourth time she said she was needed to see me so I gave up. I sat in the car,my absence has not affected Tufayl it seemed as he didn't even took notice of my return.