All The Small Things

127

After we left the office, we had to go to Walmart for groceries. I couldn't help but feel paranoid as we walked. Momma knows where we live, so nothing's really stopping her from just waiting at the apartment until I get home. What if Chris knows where we live and he tells Kayden? I wasn't paying any attention when Jacob asked me about what I wanted, so when he grabbed my arm, I jumped.
"Sorry, what?" I asked, feeling myself start to shake.
"What's wrong?" He asked, resting against the cart.
"Just spacing out," I said, shrugging. I don't wanna concern him with my anxious thoughts. He didn't seem convinced, but he didn't push it and let me stay close to him the entire time.

When we were home, Jacob let me help put everything away before sending me off to take my nap.
"I don't wanna. I'm not even that tired," I whined, rubbing my eyes.
"I think you are. Just lay down. I'll even stay with you," He offered. I frowned a little but followed after him, laying down next to him on the bed.
Of fucking course, I had a nightmare. And it wasn't like a normal nightmare, it was remembering something. But, it wasn't about Kayden. It was about my mom...

I was sitting on my bottom in front of the TV, watching one of the channels she liked. Momma doesn't like it when I change the channel to a kids' show cause then she has to go back and find what she had been watching. Momma wasn't home yet. I also had my Spider-Man action figure that I didn't ever set down. He made me feel better. She had been gone for 9 days, meaning I was missing school. I was probably 6 or 7 years old, so she didn't want me getting on the school bus by myself. She told me it was because creeps sometimes stand at the bus stops and kidnap kids when they try to wait on their own. Whether or not that was true wasn't a thought that occurred in my mind. Even if it wasn't true, I was too scared to try it. Not even necessarily because of the being kidnapped, but because Momma would really be mad if I did, and she found out.

I had been watching the clock all day, hoping that she'd come back soon. Today was dad's visit, and it was supposed to be supervised by my mom. If she didn't show up, my dad wouldn't tell anyone. He'd just stay for until he thought Momma was gonna come around again. She wasn't gonna dispute anything in court since it would be expensive, and she'd have to admit to leaving for so long. When I heard tires on pur gravel driveway, I begged in my head it wasn't my dad. I peeked out the window, not even daring to move the curtain. I just looked through the tiniest gap. It was my dad's Dodge Charger. I liked his car, but whenever I saw it, I felt like I was gonna be sick.

I knew better than to ignore his knocking whenever he did, but I didn't think I could move. I was frozen in place. He tried knocking harder.
"Luca, you open this fucking door before I break it and bust your ass!" He screamed. Our only neighbors were all the way down the next street, so he didn't worry at all about what his behavior looked like. I quickly ran to the door and unlocked it, letting him instantly push it open.
"Momma isn't home again..." I whispered timidly. He didn't answer, just closed the door behind him and sat on the couch. When he started flipping through channels, it freaked me out. It's a rule that you can't change the channel unless Momma tells you, so I couldn't help it when I panicked and told him Momma would be mad.
"She keeps it on the same one. We can't change it," I tried to warn him. He disregarded me and kept going. When Momma gets home, she's gonna yell at me for it.

"Dady, please put it back! She's gonna be mad..." I slurred, my breathing abnormal.
"Do not tell me what to do, little boy! I'll take you outside and whoop your ass 'til your bruised!" He threatened. I couldn't find any way to regulate myself other than cling to my toy and cry. So I sat down with my back against the wall, trying to stop. I couldn't.
"Would you quit! Jesus fuck, I can't hear myself think," Dady groaned. When I didn't, he got up and snatched me by the arm. He pulled me upstairs to my room as I begged for him to stop. He only ever does two things to discipline me. One's spankings, and the other I don't like to think about. He takes pictures of it sometimes... I hate both punishments. He pushed picked me up and dropped me onto the bed, and I knew what he was gonna do. I covered my ears so I couldn't hear his noises he made and tried not to think about it.