Hot For Teacher (gxg)

chapter seventeen: collide

"Why did we waste so many days?" Looking up at the ceiling and occasionally gazing at her, I asked as I could feel her chest heaving beneath my head. I cocked my head to one side and buried my face in her neck..

As she embraced me and playfully placed her palm on top of my head, she said, "We were fighting, I guess we wasted that much." She then chuckled and cuddled closer to me. She must have thought I was talking out loud since she gazed at me. "What's on your mind, darling?"

"I'm not sure," my true thoughts were clear: what if we had crossed paths? For example, would we meet up if she were younger? Would her perception of me change from how it is now? There are so many ideas, it's nearly causing mental pain. "Maybe you would have loved me more when you were younger."

As she runs her fingers up and down my arm, she whispers, "If was younger..." her voice resonating. "I don't know if I can answer that."

I arched an eyebrow and elevated my head. What did she mean by that?

"I'm feeling a bit wounded here, Amelia."

She straightens herself slightly and leans back against the headboard, a wide grin spreading across her face, which quickly fades when she fixes her gaze on the front door. I can't decide if that was good or bad; it's as if she has a lot of hidden secrets. She let out a sigh as I caressed her jaw.

"If I were your age, you wouldn't love me," Amelia murmurs.

"How come? I think I would've been fond of you if I'd met you then."

Shrugging her shoulders, she says nothing. She licks her lips and whispers, "I know. But I was a terrible person back then. Yes, I was brutal. I didn't know how to treat people properly; I didn't know how my emotions worked. There are things that you might not understand, and if I told you those things, you'd be shocked. Maybe you wouldn't find me lovable now if I told you."

"Baby, you can't assume that," I said, chuckling uncomfortably because I could tell she was taking it seriously since she didn't respond. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to–"

"It's okay; you don't have to apologize," Amelia said. "When I was younger, I used to sleep with a lot of women," she muttered after a moment of silence. "Also, my family was really strict, perhaps because I was too rebellious. I used to think of men as playthings. I guess I can say that about women as well, because I didn't really know what I wanted back then."

"When I was in college, I used to go clubbing every night in the hopes of bringing home a girl," Amelia said after a little pause. "These clubs were different; I couldn't pick a favorite or regular hangout. Because my friends would learn that I had slept with a number of girls. At one point, I went out with a girl I met at a club, where we danced, drank, and got a little tipsy. We had wild sex," Amelia says with a playful scrunch of her nose and a giggle as she pulls me closer. I was so enticed by her story that I didn't know she was kissing my head. "And she was the first girl that I dated."

I nodded, smirking at her. I wasn't jealous because I knew that happened a long time ago. I had greater judgment than that. Plus, she might find me unattractive because I was envious of minor things.

"What happened then?" I asked as I rested my leg on top of hers.

"I didn't want anyone to see us holding hands as we walked down the street, and she knew that I was terrified of being exposed. I was too terrified to even let my parents meet her. But the more time we spent together, the more her inward pain became apparent."

I repressed a gasp and shook my head in disbelief. That must have been difficult for her, given that she had most likely fallen in love with Amelia and was just pushed away from her. "Did she end things with you?"