Hot For Teacher (gxg)

chapter twenty-seven: enigma part 1

I hated admitting how I usually feel most of the time. The feeling is uncontrollable—an enigma, if you will. Despite the fact that I could change the scenario when things go badly for me, I do nothing about it. I had to suppress these terrible feelings when Elaine told me she no longer wanted to see me after her graduation.

And once I was alone again, I realized that I needed Elaine more than anything else in this world.

Pathic, I thought to myself. You can't even survive on your own.

Partially, I think that's true. People see me as this independent, ice-cold, demanding woman but on the inside—I just want to be loved. Elaine knew how to do that, even though we had never established anything. My marvelous Elaine, my sane Elaine—what went wrong? Why are you so difficult to love? Making irrational decisions that you don't include me in? My head began to hurt as these questions spiraled into my head, and I stopped writing on the board until I turned back to my students.

"I'm happy to see you become a whole new person after a year of our class," I remarked as I tried to eye Elaine, but she wasn't looking back at me. I took a deep breath and fixed the back of my hair. "And I hope all of you will become the person you want to be in the future."

As soon as everyone was gone, Elaine was packing her materials into her bag. I took my chance and walked towards her as I reached for her hand, but when I touched it, she was cold. She looked up at me and quietly said, "Please, don't touch me."

"Elaine, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Elaine replied dismissively as she wore her bag around her shoulders; her eyes wouldn't meet mine. My heart screamed to ask her to talk to me, but my head said something else. Maybe time would help? She continued to say, "I don't really want to talk to you, Amelia."

I stammered, "Why are you like this? I thought everything was okay between us. Was it the sex? If it is, tell me—"

"Please stop," she whispered, almost whimpering. I looked at her wrist and saw how much she gripped it. This action from her made me feel cold and disheartened. "I don't want to talk to you right now, okay? I'm sorry. Just—leave me alone. I'll see you around, Ms. Yeong."

"You will be graduating next week," I said and blocked the doorway, trying to capture her wrist, but she writhed it away. I sighed and looked down at the ground. I felt hopeless—stuck even. "Elaine, you need to talk to me. I don't know what's going through your head; did something happen back home?"

I felt like Elaine changed from the moment we had sex in my apartment. When she left, it seemed like she had a whole new persona that I didn't know about. I don't know how it made me feel, but I'm sure that it made me anxious—scared. That's something I never thought would happen to us after quarreling months ago.

She looked at me once again, her eyes filled with oblivion—completely out of her emotions. She opened the door behind me and whispered, "Thank you, Ms. Yeong."

I truly despised that name she called me, it felt like we were back in our old relationship, which made me wonder if we were. The thing about Elaine is that she knows when she's okay, and I'm aware that she is sometimes. But if something happens with her, she pushes me away as if I'm a ragged doll—and I want her to feel that I'm her safe ground, I'm the person she's going to be with if she feels like the world hates her.

I watched her leave, and I felt like my knees were going to give up.

/

ELAINE'S POV:

Sitting on the bench, I removed my mortarboard and watched as my classmates celebrated the end of high school with hats in the air and cries of joy. The realization that Amelia will not be accompanying me has left me uncertain about my readiness.