Hot For Teacher (gxg)

chapter twenty-one: decide, now!

AMELIA'S POINT OF VIEW:

The last time I experienced a panic attack was when I discovered Charles was having an affair for the first time since our marriage back in London. Being betrayed and having our relationship destroyed by a home wrecker affected me diligently, but I always assumed I never loved him—and I still don't love him that way.

Feeling the desire to imbibe immediately, I poured myself yet another glass of whiskey and consumed it in its entirety. Despite my lack of anticipation or desire for each event, things seemed to be growing worse with each passing moment. My thoughts were racing and I missed Elaine so much that I couldn't imagine ever settling back into a normal life without her. I practically couldn't breathe.

My intuition tells me to put Monica out of my mind and pretend we've never met. I couldn't help but wonder whether she had ever thought of me all these years as I watched her waiting for her daughter outside. Does she no longer remember what she did to me? What about the emotional abuse she caused?

I sipped from another glass while dry-smacking my lips and calling Leslie's number. I then let it ring. Thank God she picked up fast.

"Amelia, isn't it late for you?"

A heavy sigh escaped me. "Yeah, it is."

"You're drunk."

I slurred out, "I'm not," ignoring the reality that I was drunk. "Listen, I have something to tell you. And I don't want you to judge me, okay? Not until you know the whole story."

She sighs on the other end of the line. "Okay, shoot. What is it?"

I tip my glass with my knuckles as I ponder whether to inform her of my affair, the fact that Charles is no longer the object of my affection, and the fact that Elaine has been a tremendous comfort. I felt a throbbing headache and grimaced at my own foolishness. I am completely overwhelmed.

"I'm having an affair."

Silence.

As I gnawed on my inside cheek, I whispered, "Les, I'm having an affair with a girl who is 15 years younger than me."

"Fuck, Amelia. Are you trying to relieve your childhood?"

"Absolutely not," I argued with anger. "I never—what's even worse is that the girl I'm falling for is the daughter of the professor whom I used to date."

My gut began to clench as I could feel her shock. She has a tendency to be direct at times, and I just adored that about her. In some way, she grounds me in reality.

"Monica?" When she brought up a name, I gave a subtle nod. Fucking Monica Adams. "Amelia, what have you gotten yourself into?"

"I don't know; I'm so sorry. I had no intention of this happening; I had no idea she was Elaine's mom. I should've done my research, I should've done something to prevent all of this from happening. But I fell too deep, Les. Elaine is... she's such a wonderful girl. She's beautiful and so optimistic, I fell in love. Yes, I am aware that I am unfaithful to Charles, but we shouldn't forget the fact that he is involved with another woman in Los Angeles. But I'm not trying to–"

She concludes for me, "You aren't trying to defend yourself," and her tone betrays her disdain. "And yes, we both know Charles is banging another girl. You will be held responsible, not him if word gets out that you are unfaithful because you are his wife. Even though he's unfaithful."

"I don't care what they think. I just want my girl."

"And your girl is the daughter of Monica, who you once dated."

In the face of truth, I nodded. I don't know what to say to Elaine about any of this. Particularly if she is clueless. I played with my empty glass to distract myself from my agonizing discomfort, whispering, "I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore, my head hurts."

"I think you should talk to Monica. Put things right; find some peace with yourself. I know you've moved on, but I understand that seeing an old face makes you feel wrecked," I nodded at her words as she continued to speak. "Do you want to leave, Charles?"

I whined into the phone. "Yes, I do! I don't love him anymore, I don't think I ever loved him."

"Then leave him, and be with Elaine."

"You'd seriously let me be with Elaine? After knowing that I'm in love with some teenage girl?"

"It sounds strange, I'll admit. The whole, you know, your relationship with her. She's too young for you, Amelia. The girl has dreams. And I don't want you to hold that back for her."

As my eyes began to dry up from crying, I spoke loudly, promising myself that I would never harm her in that way. "If she doesn't want to be with me, then I understand. But once the time is right, if she still feels the same way for me, I'll chase her. Anywhere she goes, I would be there to follow."

I felt my stomach turn once again as I listened to her sigh into the phone after a period of silence. In general, I despise how she does this frequently, particularly whenever I confide in her about my troubles. However, her blessing was necessary because she was the sole female example that I had.

"Talk to Elaine; tell her everything. And if she decides to stick with you, good. But if she doesn't, you need to let her go."

Letting go of someone seems so simple. It won't always be so simple, though, especially when I consider Elaine and the things we could do together. I will never stop missing her, needing her, and thinking about her. In what ways is that simple? I felt my spirits dipping as I came to terms with the fact that Elaine would probably dump me over this; she would see how disappointing I was to her.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

I sighed as I nodded. "Leslie, I'll tell her."

"Thank you, Amelia. I hope everything goes well with the both of you."

I sent Elaine a text message asking if she could swing by tomorrow morning the second she hung up. She replied that she was going there, but she wanted to talk. I felt a bit queasy at this point; what was she hoping to discuss? What knowledge does she possess regarding my relationship with Monica? So that I can tell her everything, I hope she doesn't. Elaine is sometimes impulsive and doesn't always give her choices enough thought. As I flopped onto the couch, untying my ponytail in the process, I reached for a pillow in the corner and sighed loudly. Envisioning myself in that very moment with Elaine, I clung to it strongly.

My sane, Elaine, I thought about it in my head with a long sigh. You are the one girl I will never stop wanting.

AN: I know it's a short chapter, but that's because the next chapter will be a little long. Hopefully, you enjoyed reading this! :)