Pregnant and a Victor

The Damaged

"Peeta..." I sigh embracing him. His arms wrap around me and pull me close. I breathe him in, the familiar scent of bread and cologne. It's almost as if time itself stops and we are the only people that exist. I never want to let go of him. If I could, I'd stay here forever.

Suddenly the air around me changes I don't know what it is. I look up to him, his eyes darkening to a black.

His strong arms a pushing me away and against the wall. I can't breathe as I look into his eyes hoping the light won't go away. My heart is beating so fast. Almost as if it's going to  hammer it's way through my chest.

"Peeta!" I gasp for breathe. He says nothing and now his eyes are without light. Without hope. Tears sting my eyes. He drops his arms and I'm falling to the ground.

It's like I can't stop. He keeps getting farther and farther away from me. Peeta slowly turns and turns around. I try to scream for him but no sound will come out.

Then I feel as if I'm drowning. I see his face above the surface almost laughing as he holds me under. I reach up but am only forced under farther.

I try to take a breathe which allows water to invade my mouth, going down my throat, and bursting my lungs.

My eyes open and I try to sit up straight, but am forced down by restraints, and I thrash my head around.

"Bad dream?" asks Snow beside me. His evil face smiling. I get these visions all the time and they increasingly seem more real. I can hardly decipher between real and imaginary anymore.

"You can't trust him," the snake speaks to me. "Peeta I mean, he's been pretending to love you."

His words echo across my thoughts. Snow steps closer to me.

"He took your child, he tried to kill you."

The man tells me this everyday, and everyday I believe it more and more.

My cheeks feel burny from all the hours I've spent crying and in pain. My eyes are sore and my limp body aches with every breathe I take.

I've overheard people say I'm getting to the goal point. I don't know for what. I've frequently been on TV but after I can never remember for what reason or the words I said.

If I don't do what they say or don't believe what they say then I will get punished. Johanna and I were parted a month ago and only communicate between our common screams.

They told me I've been here two months in total and they will take me to see my family soon. Only a couple more weeks. They promised of course only to allow me to see my mom, Prim, and baby. They warn that Peeta will try to hurt us, even kill us. That it was his plan all along.

I look down to my nail beds. My nails themselves are almost nonexistent and bloody and torn. My bruises all over my body are all different shades of blue, purple, green, and the worst are deep black. My skin is tight to my bones and weigh less each day.

()()()()()()

"Shh..." I whisper to my crying baby as tears stream down my face," shh..."

I look around the empty house around us, as if we are the only people here. The Victors Village is awful lonely. While I'm glancing I catch sight of a picture on the mantle. Peeta's sad face looks out of the frame, it's his head shot from after the Quarter Quell.

Seeing it makes me cry harder as I pull our baby to my chest, my heart racing with every cry that escape her tiny little lips. Every so often I see her blue eyes peek from behind her lids, reminding me of him.

It's only been a short while since he's passed and it's all starting to hit me. I miss his laugh. I miss his smile. I miss the way he would talk to you like you are the only person in the world that mattered. I miss the way his eyes crinkled in the edges when he was happy. I miss everything about him. Every little thing that I took for granted all swiped from my grasp.

I peer from my teared eyes to see my daughter, now probably five years old sitting on my lap and grabbing my shirt. "Mommy," she whispers," why are you always so sad?"

I can hardly respond between my choking breathes. "Sometimes, things happen to us that we don't understand and don't have a reason to explain and we can't do anything to fix it."

She looks like she's in deep thought about this as she stares at her hands. Suddenly she looks up and says, "like when I lost Baby?" She asks referring to a stuffed animal she left in the woods.

"Yeah something like that," I say squeezing my eyes shut and letting a tear run down my face.

"Mom!" I hear from the door.

"I'm back!" I turn around in my chair to see her walking through the door, as a teenager. I look down at my lap to see she isn't there. Like the days have flown past my mind.

She kneels down beside me and grabs my hand. When she looks up at me I look into her blue eyes and I see him smiling back at me. My heart is warmed for a second, and then it starts to rain.

I turn to look out the window, reminding me of the day he threw me the bread. More tears stream. It's like every day of my life since the accident I've been sitting in this chair and crying. Maybe, I have.

I shoot straight up from the ground in my cell breathing frantically. "Peeta," I whisper through my teeth.