Proposition

Conflictions

"I can't believe you did that."

I winced at her tone and the look she gave me, it reminded me of a mother scolding her child, her teenage daughter who was pregnant with her foolishly teenage brained boyfriend.

"I know, Eza," I ran a hand through my hair and let out a long sigh, "I feel awful."

"Why the hell did you do it?"

"I don't know, one thing just led to another and then we found ourselves in bed."

"Naked."

"Yes."

"With him balls dee-"

"Yes, Ezabella, naked and having sex, you know the story."

She shook her head and continued to pace, her hands bunching and unbunching the bottom of her shirt.

"I'd never even thought of sex during pregnancy before, I shouldn't have encouraged you to go."

"You didn't need to encourage me, I wanted to go and trust me, in the past two or so weeks I have been desperate."

"Did the nurse say anything about risks?"

"No, but I looked into it and an increase to the libido is normal and down to the hormone shift."

"Which has now put you in the middle of a nightmare."

"Not really, I was already in the middle of a nightmare and she doesn't have to know."

Ezabella stopped pacing and stared at me like I'd grown another head, her eyes flaring in irritation that she was struggling to hold back.

"This is wrong, you should tell her."

"No, she'll have my head, besides it's not like she gives a damn either way."

"And what if she does? What if Avena truly loves Loki but is just horrible at expressing herself?"

Her comment caused me to pause and think over her words.

Truthfully, I hadn't even thought of the possibility that Avena struggled to show her emotions candidly and it never crossed my mind to even consider that she loved Loki in her own, strangely selfish way.

The entire time I had reassured myself by using Loki's mannerisms and behavior about his marriage, the fact that he was the God of Mischief and known for lying completely bypassing me.

I was being willfully blind to tell myself that what I did was okay and admitting that fact made me feel bad, in fact it made me sick to my stomach to think about.

Yet, I didn't feel half as bad as I should have.

Avena had already been nothing but horrid through the experience and I found it hard to feel any kind of sympathy towards her, she was already getting the child I was growing for her due to her own vanity.

Apart from money to keep me stable, I was getting nothing out of this deal aside from emotional torment, but I had no room to complain as it was my own doing.

I agreed to this, I had dug this grave to give me and Ezabella a better life.

"Maybe you shouldn't see Loki again."

My eyes snapped to Ezabella and my heart jolted uncomfortably.

Her expression had calmed down and her own eyes had softened, but it didn't nothing to lessen the blow of her words.

However, I had to reluctantly agree that she was right, perhaps it was best that we kept our distance from one another if we didn't want things to spiral beyond our control more than it already had.

Though Loki hadn't shown any signs of regret, at least not outwardly.

The morning after our affair, Loki had stayed behind to talk with me in a moment that was more intimate that it probably should have been.

We stayed in bed for a good hour after waking, I hadn't expected to see him there and thought that he was going to leave during the night to get back to the palace as to not seem suspicious, but he hardly seemed concerned about Avena questioning anything.

Instead, when we were both awake, he wrapped his arms around he and pulled me closer so that my back was to his chest, one arm remaining secured in the curve of my hip while his other hand rested on my bump.

It was nice to just lie there and talk like what we had done wasn't anything wrong, like we were just like any other couple who were expecting a child together.

Loki's lack of care about it helped to ease my own worry and allowed me to just nestle in the moment, enjoying our impromptu cuddle session, unlike the other times after we had sex, which mostly just involved me getting rushed out of the room as quickly as possible.

If Loki had reacted differently, I wouldn't have found it so hard to accept Ezabella's idea, but the fact that he didn't even speak of what we did, didn't mention any regret or denied the possibility of it ever happening again allowed me to foolishly trick my mind into not feeling bad.

While I wholeheartedly knew that I should have felt more disgusted with myself than I did, as I had fully expected to after the fact, I instead felt calm and serene.

I left that rented room feeling better than I had in weeks.

"Maybe you're right," I finally nodded in agreement.

"I don't think there's a maybe about it."

"There is a maybe though, that's just a fact," I shrugged, "because if Loki wishes to visit me then I can't very well say no, this is his child as well as hers."

"Exactly, you do understand that the child is hers, right? It's not yours, not technically."

"I know, Ezabella," I frowned, rubbing over my bump slowly while resting my head on my other hand and allowing my eyes to fall closed. "I know."