Narrator's pov
-
"I should have tried harder with you Autumn" he said
"And why the fuck didn't you!?"
"I... I don't know"
"Oh bullsh-"
"Autumn! Atleast hear me out for Christ sakes!"
"I'm listening but you don't even know where the fuck to start from. You're trying to find some sappy excuse for your behavior when you actually have no idea why you're a shitty father or why you just don't fucking care"
"I-"
"And what excuse are you gonna find now? Oh you know me, I devote myself to business. Yeah dad, I know but that doesn't mean you can't spend one minute of your time with your daughter. I'm twenty one years old today and this is the first time we've ever spent any time together. Five goddamned minutes. What does that have to say about you? What does that have to say about me!? I don't know what you want-"
"I want to try" He cut the girl off causing her to frown
Autumn's forehead wrinkled more than an orange left out for years when she furrowed her brows
"I know it's too late, I know I don't deserve that chance but I want to. I want to try.. If you'll let me. I know we can't put the past behind and I know I've put you through hell.. It's unforgiving. But I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness, I know I won't receive that.. But I'm asking for you to give me the chance to try.. Please.. I just want to be the best father for you.. And Lisa. But it's up to you again, I'm not pressuring you. I'm just asking... It's... It's all on you"
Have you ever received a message or a text or even a speech so shocking that it paralyzes your entire body? It feels as if your brain went dead and you physically feel each section of your body start to shut down. Even the blood in your veins seemed as if they stopped flowing
Autumn's body drained of everything until there was nothing left but a hallow frame covered with skin
What was she to do with that information, especially with a non functioning brain
What does one simply do when everything you've ever wanted is being handed to you, except over twenty years later
Does one hide that pain and leap at the first chance they get?
Does one refuse because of their pride while fighting the urge to know their father?
Does one simply forget everything they've been through, everything that has made them into the broken yet strong person they are
Questions and answers Autumn couldn't seem to find in that moment, especially
She had a million things to say to the man
Words to break him like he broke her
Of what a deadbeat piece of low life that he was to just walk away from your own blood for selfish reasons
And just show up at a birthday, not even a graduation but the first birthday he was ever present at
Yet she said nothing
It was like meeting a step father for the first time. A man who has all legal responsibility over you, but you know nothing of them
It was less than blood but more than a stranger
To stand to look at a man that didn't even miss her, her whole entire life. Hell, she still didn't know if he did
Her heart was in her throat but it won't speak
He stepped forward to get a bit closer to his daughter with his arms stretched wide out. Autumn immediately flinched and stepped backwards, her brows furrowed at the sight
She'd never seen him want a hug, only in her 8 year old imagination years ago. He held his head low when he noticed what he had created, a daughter deprived of love, affection, attention, anything that she needed to be the best of herself in the modern world
Autumn's teeth sunk into her bottom lip when she noticed his pain
Isn't it amazing how people put us through the most heartbreak yet when we see just a slight bit of pain on their faces, we throw our own out the door just to comfort them
She took a step forward, hesitating on if she should or shouldn't take that next step. Sure it was just a hug but that hug meant something
Physical touch can be a substitute to words
That hug could start a road down a path where Autumn was blinded. She could get hurt again or it be held in a warm comfort of her father
It could an answer to him or regret to her
And that was something scary even in the eyes of the blind
She sighed, stopping half way there. Mr Hester took another step forward, knowing she couldn't complete her journey. Her met her halfway, his arms hooked around her shoulders and Autumn instantly melted. His hug was stronger than anything she had ever known, as if holding her wasn't quite enough, he have to feel every ounce of her that he had missed for years
In that moment of feeling him so close, her childhood came awake somehow, more alive than she had been in so very long. For there were times where all she needed was to be safe within walls of her own home that was hallow and empty. Everynight was the same, cold and silent, enough to send a prisoner insane in the walls of where comfort should be. But the warmth from his body made her feel protected
He squeezed tighter, Autumn could feel moisture at the top of her head, his salty tears that flowed down his cheek ran along the side of her face, connecting with her own tears before falling to the ground to form one
Autumn's body trembled into her father's from her own emotions taking over but her arms squeezed around his waist tight
Haun Hester, a father that never said "I love you." He wasn't one of those fun parents who spun you around by your arms until you were dizzy. Something Autumn still craved, even if she was an adult
There was never a memory of him to hold onto
Oh how she wished he built her a go-cart or danced with her to rock 'n' roll in the basement that smelled of fresh cookies while mother glared at them for vibrating the walls with their bass
He watched his money and he took care of the car. He didn't have time to gush over her art work or inflate her ego in any way
There was some point in her life when she'd settle for seeing him on the weekends, falling asleep in front of soap operas, beer in hand and chips in easy reach
He never gave advice, he never really spoke unless someone else did first unless it was to his employees and lawyers
He acted like a step father that didn't want to be apart of decision making
So how was it that Autumn was supposed to forget all of it and give him a chance to make it all better?
-
A/N
I wonder if removing the book from your library then adding it back is gonna fix the notification problem. Mmm
