Chapter 29 - The Ugly Truth

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Anastasya

Several hours later, Anya, Levi, Erwin, and Commander Dot Pyxis of the Garrison Regiment sat in Erwin's temporary room, discussing the recent breach and what to do next in light of everything that they'd learned. However, try as she might, Anya simply wasn't able to focus. She suspected that it was down to the pain medication she'd been prescribed. As she fidgeted in her seat, Levi looked at her and arched a questioning eyebrow. She pretended not to notice and instead glanced at Erwin, who seemed to be feeling better after bathing; he now wore a grey vest with a white, long-sleeved shirt slung over the top, concealing the stump of his right arm. He still hadn't shaved, though, and his stubble was growing thicker. She'd always thought that it suited him, but in a matter of days it would be gone again; like Levi, Erwin much preferred a tidy and well-kept appearance. Occupying the chair closest to where Erwin sat up in bed was Commander Pyxis. Dot Pyxis was a notorious oddball in his late fifties or early sixties, but he was well-respected by a great number of soldiers and senior officials alike. He was completely bald, but he kept a thick, neatly-trimmed grey moustache and he was known for having a penchant for alcohol and strange ideas. Anya found him quite entertaining, and she knew for a fact that beneath his friendly, eccentric exterior there was a sharp, analytical and capable leader. The conversation paused when there was a knock at the door, and she and Levi both informed Erwin that it was Hange.
"Come in," Levi called.
"Pardon the interruption, Erwin," said Hange, standing in the doorway with Conny Springer.
When she noticed that Pyxis was there too she saluted, her face uncharacteristically grave.
"I'm glad that we came while you're here, Commander Pyxis."
They stepped into the room and Conny closed the door. Anya barely knew the young recruit, but he was clearly shaken. She braced herself for bad news.
"Good timing," Hange continued, looking pointedly at her and Levi. "This is..."
"A Scout from the 104th, Conny Springer," he provided, saluting.
"Conny comes from Ragako Village."
Pyxis straightened in his seat.
"The village the recent Titan invasion originated from?"
Anya leant forward, despite the resulting pain in her ribs. With everything that had been going on, Ragako had almost faded from her attention. Her focus suddenly returned in full force, her mind whirring away at an impossible speed. If there hadn't been a hole in the wall, and the population had vanished, then what if...? Levi glanced at her and frowned, as though he knew that she'd figured something out and he wasn't going to like it.
"I confirmed with Conny the findings of our investigation on the village, and... it only brings further credibility to that hypothesis. He's come here to report."
"I...when I went there with the 104th, the village was empty," said Conny. "At first, we assumed that the inhabitants had managed to escape in time, but all of the horses were still there and the buildings had been destroyed. There...there was one Titan left that wasn't able to move because of the size and strength of its legs. It was on top of my house. And... and it spoke to me."
Anya gasped softly, and Levi looked at her again, realising that she had, in fact, been right about Titans being capable of speech. Hange nodded at her in confirmation, and Erwin glanced between them, frowning.
"Continue, Conny," said Hange, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Well..."
He produced a portrait that he had been holding behind his back. It was of his parents, and Anya felt her heart break a little as he did his best to carry on.
"The Titan...I think it was my mum. It looked right at me and said... 'Welcome home'. It... It reminded me of her so much."
Hange took over, seeing that he was close to losing his composure.
"Given that the horses were there, the buildings were destroyed, there was no breach whatsoever in the wall and the inhabitants of Ragako are still missing, everything points to the theory that the invasion was from there."
A heavy silence fell upon the room as they all struggled to accept the terrible significance of the information. Pyxis was the first to speak.
"Say again - the Titans responsible for this incident...were the citizens of Ragako?"
Levi's eyes had widened in horror, and Anya imagined that she must look similar.
"In other words, the true identity of Titans...is humans?" he dared ask.
"We don't...have proof yet," Hange said quietly.
"So...you're telling me...I've spent all this time and energy running around killing people?"
Levi paused and stared down at the floor, one arm propped on the back of his chair.
"Is that right?"
"I... I said we don't have proof yet."
Despite Hange's words, her sorrow-filled eyes were all the confirmation Anya needed, and she had to fight the urge to throw up. After a moment, she forced herself to her feet and approached Conny, who was barely holding back his tears.
"Conny," she said, placing a hand on his arm. "Thank you for the bravery you've shown in telling us your report and for going back to your village to help with the investigation."
She glanced down at the framed portrait that he still gripped with trembling hands.
"I'm sure that you don't need me to tell you this but... your parents, wherever they might be now, would be so proud of you."
"Th-thank you, Captain Anya," he managed to say.
She nodded to Hange, who saluted and dismissed herself before guiding Conny from the room. Commander Pyxis got to his feet, a deeply troubled expression plaguing his weathered face.
"This...this has profound implications," he said. "I must go and debrief my teams. Erwin; I'll be in touch."
Anya saluted, and Pyxis inclined his head to her before leaving without another word. She returned to her seat just as Levi stalked away to glare out of the window. She knew that he was trying to come to terms with the fact that between the two of them alone, they had potentially killed over two hundred seemingly innocent people. She stared down blankly at her hands, attempting to organise her thoughts and emotions in the suffocating silence.
"Erwin-"
She heard the shock in Levi's voice and whipped her head up. To her dismay, but not entirely to her surprise, a triumphant smile pulled at Erwin's lips.
"Hey. Tell me. The hell you smiling for?" he demanded, nonplussed.
Erwin took a sharp intake of breath, his smile slowly fading.
"It's nothing," he said.
He looked between them both, his gaze lingering on Anya as he decided to explain himself.
"It's just...with this... we've taken one more step towards the truth."
She understood his reaction perfectly, but Levi shook his head, struggling to make sense of their friend's apparent delight.
"Just one step, huh?" he said bitterly. "We'll run out of people before we learn the truth. It's not worth the cost."
"No... If there's a risk that we might all turn into Titans anyway, then I'd say it's definitely worth it," she said. "We have to try and stop whatever it is that's going on here."
"One day, we'll break it down," Erwin vowed, renewed determination strengthening his demeanour. "This wall hiding the truth...will fall."
Anya saw nothing but fire and conviction in his icy-blue gaze, and she couldn't help but share his zeal.

***

After speaking with Erwin for a little while longer, Anya had returned to her room with Levi close behind.
"So, it looks like you were right," he said, shadows haunting his blue-grey eyes.
"I almost wish I wasn't," she admitted. "What if the mountain people that we were trying to find on the day that I... on that day... What if they turned into Titans before we got there? Maybe that's how I ended up in the cave. One of them could've kept a level of sentience and moved me out of harm's way."
"Have you remembered anything about what they might have said to you?"
She racked her brain, hoping to recall a sentence, a word, or even a syllable that she'd heard the Titans utter whilst she'd been trapped beyond the walls. However, she realised that she'd blocked it out so thoroughly that it might only reach her again in her nightmares. She shook her head, becoming agitated.
"I deliberately tried not to remember, at the time, because it disturbed me so much. Now I can't get it back. Damnit!"
"Anya, it's okay if you don't remember."
"What if they said something useful, though? What if we could have found out the Titans' true identities before now and-"
"And what?" he interrupted, not unkindly. "As far as we know, there's no way to change them back, and we're still not sure that it's even true. If it is, though, finding out sooner would have made everything that much harder, including rescuing Eren. You and I are an exception. We kill Titans like it's second nature, without our emotions getting in the way, but don't forget how many seasoned soldiers still find it tough. The realisation that you might be butchering someone's family is bound to increase the likelihood of people freezing up during combat."
"I suppose..."
She paused and ran a hand through her hair, some of her frustration fading away, only to be replaced by sorrow moments later.
"Poor Conny... Finding his mother like that... He's going to need our support. It'd be hellish enough for a grown adult to see, let alone a fifteen-year-old."
"You did well with him back there," Levi told her.
She finally ceasing hobbling around the room and sat down on the bed, before pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes.
"I don't know what to think right now. How to feel," she confessed, looking up at him. "We kill Titans in order to preserve humanity, to fight for our freedom, to save people, but... as it stands, we might've just been slaughtering them instead; people who had no choice or control over what they became or what they did. Do you...feel guilty?"
"I feel shit," he admitted, "but if they didn't have a choice, maybe killing them was...is an act of mercy. Tch. It's almost like someone out there is laughing at us. I don't know how Erwin can smile about any of this."
"I do. Despite the ugly truth of it all, it feels as though we're finally making some progress. It's just so horribly contradictory; on the one hand, it's something to celebrate and something to motivate us to keep moving forward, and yet it's also utterly devastating."
She shifted awkwardly, and she knew that he recognised the uncertainty in her gaze.
"What is it?"
"I'm... afraid. Of what other awful things we'll discover, and what else we'll have to sacrifice to get there. I also think that whoever's been guarding the secrets within these walls is going to become increasingly aggressive the closer we get to the truth. Things are going to become a lot more dangerous, Levi."
"I know," he said darkly, releasing a heavy sigh. "Each time that I start to think things are going well, something comes along to crap all over everything."
"Come sit with me," she said, reaching out for him. "I can see that your leg is still hurting."
He cocked an eyebrow and joined her on the bed.
"How can you tell?"
"I know you better than I know myself," she said, before starting, her eyes wide. "Levi! Weren't you meant to take the squad to the cabin today?"
"I was wondering when you were going to ask about that," he said.
She didn't miss the relief that flashed across his face, but she chose not to question it.
"I decided to wait one more day, considering that we're going to have to move quickly and discretely and none of us are fully recovered yet. Hange still needed Conny, too."
"So it'll be tomorrow, then?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Is everything ready?"
"There'll be hell to pay if it's not. My instructions to the brats were more than clear enough."
She quirked her lips into a soft smile at his grumbling and took his hand in hers.
"In that case, let's have one last night of calm before the storm arrives."

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