Desiring You

Chapter 20

Miley

Opening the door of my dorm I entered with a mild headache.
Throughout the whole walk to my dorm, my mind was focused on my mother's detestable words.
Hearing those venomous words coming out of her mouth did hurt me making me hate myself even more.

I remembered the week followed after dad's death when I wrote on a piece of paper to forget my mother. Everyday I used to read the statement 'I am an orphan' to remind myself my fate. But one thing I always despised about myself was, like my dad I still had a hope of my mother to return. But all the hope shattered when she started calling me drunk and reminding me of my shamelessness and blaming me of my father's death.

Shaking my head I blocked those black hateful memories and met with the soft sheets of my bed.

Closing my eyes, I tried sleeping which came after three hours of desperate trying.

"DAD" I yelled, running to him. The car came to a sudden halt and the driver rushed out immediately. My knees felt weak and met the ground.
Tears started making my vision blurry. I cried and cried, helplessly shaking his body to wake him up. The blood flowed from back of his head and made its way to my knees.

"Dad" I sobbed.

Waking up with a sudden bolt, I touched my face which was covered in sweat. Rubbing my forehead I looked at my shaking hands.
The memory I wished to block temporarily returned after years.

My eyes flicked to the phone to call the only person my heart was screaming to, after a hot debate I decided against it.

The mild headache from last night transformed to severe headache. Rubbing my head from my thumb and index finger, I laid on my bed.

What would have happened if I wasn't present in the house the day my mom brought the man?

Would he be alive? Yes.

The only painful mystery in my life was about my dad's feelings. Did he believe my mom or did he not? Why did he look at me that way before leaving the house?
Did he ever blame me for mom's behaviour? I heard from nana that they both loved each other before I was born, was it me who changed everything? My breath hitched turning my eyes teary.

What if she was right? What if I was actually responsible for dad's death?

Whether he believed me or not he did go out... If only I wasn't present in the house that day... If only I never existed.

But what if he actually believed her which meant that he never wanted to see me again due to which he committed suicide. Because he was sick of me.

He wanted me dead because he thought I was a shameless woman?

"NO" I abruptly got up from bed. "It wasn't because of you Miley. He trusted you. Whatever happens... He trusted you, remember that"

Looking at the time, I knew I was late for the lecture, also the headache wasn't making it easy for me to leave. Laying down again I decided to give myself a day off.

After waking up again, I decided to get up when I felt hungry. Brushing my teeth and taking a shower I returned to my room looking fresh and hygienic.

Changing the clothes, I went to McDonald's to get something for me.

Turning around to leave after I got my order my eyes settled on a man with his daughter. Next to them was a woman whom I assumed to be her mother.

I looked at the daughter who was jumping to touch her mother's purse which was hung on her shoulder. Her dad was picking up to help her. But the help was a way of him teasing her as he only helped her to reach her mother's waist. She was trying her best to reach the purse but always held back from one or two centimetres.

Suddenly the man's eyes fell on me and then back to her daughter.

I went back to my dorms and started having my meal. Scrolling through some videos I settled in watching a short movie.

After some hours of watching videos my eyes fell on the time. I got ready for my work and left.

Entering the store the first thing I noticed was the person I never wanted to see again.

Turning, her eyes met mine, I disconnected our eyes making my way behind the counter.

Picking up the batch and the department shirt I went to change.

Coming back, I met her again.

"Listen Miley, I'm sorry for yesterday" she said.

"Listen Linda, I'll make it short and to the point. I don't give a f*ck about you or your words" I said meeting her deadly glare.

"I'm apologizing, just be a good girl and accept my apology" she said gritting her teeth. I noticed the restless look on her face while she forced me in a hug.

"Are you crazy" I nearly yelled at her.

"Shut up you wh*re. Just be greatful that I'm apologizing or else don't forget how you killed your father" she said closing her hand into a fist.

"I didn't kill him" I said dangerously slow.

"Yes you did. Did you know we never wanted you. Your dad wanted to abort but I was the one who fought for you. If only I knew... You never gave us happiness, because of you, your dad suffered. He never smiled once you appeared in our lives and guess what, I don't even think his soul is in peace after your demonic presence was attending his funeral."

Her words stabbed me in my heart. The pain I felt in my heart was real. Stepping away from her to the changing room, I shakingly took off the shirt and changed into my clothes. Leaving uninformed, I reached my dorm.

Closing the door I felt my body getting weak as it hit the floor.
All the thoughts from yesterday arrived again but the only difference in them was that I slightly started believing in them.

Today that man also gave me a disgusted look. Maybe it was me who was responsible for everything.
Wish I never existed.