Desiring You

Chapter 23

Miley

Broken was what I was feeling. Or maybe I was feeling empty? Or guilty? I didn't know but all these memories, all these flashbacks were pushing me to the edge day by day, hour by hour.

Blocking my senses wouldn't help me avoid these memories. I was desperate to do anything to stop them.

Closing my eyes as a tear slipped, I sat on the floor.

You killed your father! A voice said from my left.

Because of you he killed himself... Because of you. Another voice rang in my ears sending chills to my body.

You were a wh*re, if you never existed, your father would have been alive.

He wouldn't have been laying dead smeared with blood.

How shameless of you to still live shamelessly after killing him.

Your mother was right, you killed him.

You killed him.
Suddenly several voice started ringing from all the directions.

I did my best to block these voices but they continued yelling, louder and louder every minute.

When the voice was too loud to hear I screamed in agony.
Opening my eyes, I saw him, I saw my father from my teary eyes. He was covered in blood and he was pointing at me.

My breath hitched as I tried moving towards him but couldn't move. Something was holding me, something.

She killed me.
He said focusing on each word painfully. His voice lacked emotion and the only thing it held was death.

Suddenly the voice started becoming loud and clear as he took a dreadful step towards me.

My hands hit the floor to push me away from him. Pushing the floor forward from my heels until I moved backwards to meet the wall.

I opened my eyes to see myself sitting in the corner. Another nightmare. Looking around, I couldn't tell whether it was starting of the day or end. Closing my eyes again and covering my ears I screamed and cried. Screamed until someone showed to help but no one came.

It was karma. I was responsible for my dad's death. He was never happy to have me as a daughter.
I was a mistake, I should have never existed. She was right, no one wanted me. All these nightmares were a punishment for my sins.

Pulling my hairs, I screamed again. The faint voices started growing louder again.

I was responsible for everything. I should not live happily.

Maybe I should die.

Yes,kill yourself.

You deserve to die.

"Stop this, stop... Please" I whispered, without realising the presence of someone in the room.

Suddenly I felt someone's touch on my shoulder. Flinching, I pushed the person away.

He came to blame me, he would yell at me too like all these voices were doing. Everyone hated me. My face, my body everything screamed my reality. He would see that too. He would see the truth.

I saw his hand reaching for my shoulder tentatively, I backed-up and pushing him away from my reach.

Looking at him again through my tousled hairs, the person who held some familiarity, but the fear overpowered everything.

Sensing his hand reaching for me, I buried myself further into the wall, wishing it to swallow me alive.

My eyes shut completely to avoid the sudden increase in the brightness in the room.

I sat in the same place for unknown time until I heard some sharp noise which made me awfully uncomfortable. The sharp noise was deafening, it reminded me of the sirens.

"SHUT IT OFF. SHUT IT OFF" I covered my ears. "Please don't return, the flashbacks." I couldn't bear it now.

After some more time I heard the door open.

"Miley" I heard her calling me. Looking at her, a wave of familiarity arose in my heart.
"Take a deep breath, darling"

I inhaled and exhaled deeply following her commands. I felt another pair of eyes observing my movements. Repeating this several times I felt myself loosen up. Jessica was holding my hands giving me a type of protection.

"Okay, Miley you have to get up and get yourself on bed" her words were filled with calm and gentleness which helped me soothe my anxiety and fear.

Helping me stand, I was blocked by Aiden from reaching my bed.
Looking up to meet his eyes, I felt weird. A sense of self-conscious developed in my heart when I thought of Aiden knowing about my past mistakes.

Sensing my fear he moved away giving me access to my bed.

Sitting on my bed, Jessica followed me and took a seat near me.

"Take a rest, we'll talk later okay" she squeezed my hand as I nodded.

"Can you please bring some water" she turned to ask Aiden. Nodding, he looked around and picked the water bottle which I kept near my study table.

I saw him handing the bottle to Jessica but his eyes were set on me. Looking away from his piercing glare or what if he was looking at me with hatred? He would hate me after knowing I killed someone.

Sneakily I tried to look at him again but he caught me doing that. My heart skipped a beat and a lump was formed in my throat when he smiled at me.

"Miley, take it. It will help you sleep" Jessica interrupted. I looked at the pill and swallowed it.

I laid down on the bed while she adjusted the sheets, I closed my eyes trying to sleep. Praying, those nightmares that constantly reappeared every night to not to return.