Hunger

Austin: Victim

"Rory!" I shout.

The sound of her hitting the floor brings me out of the nightmare and into an even more horrifying reality. I jump out of bed and run to where she fell on the other side. She's unconscious, and I start panicking, shaking her.

"RORY! RORY! COME ON!"

I'm dry sobbing, making big gasping sounds without any tears. I am too afraid for tears. I hold Rory close to me and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Please, baby, come back," I whisper.

I'm not sure I believe in God, but I start praying anyway because I can't do anything else. Whether God exists or not, Rory opens her eyes right after I finish praying, so I guess it worked.

She looks up at my face, dazed.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

She nods, but her facial expression turns to one of anger.

"You hit me!" she exclaims, shoving me away.

"Rory, I didn't mean to!"

"I don't care! One of these nights you could kill me!" she says, starting to cry.

"Well what the FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!" I yell.

Rory's eyes widen. "I want you to get help like you said!"

I shake my head and stand up, ignoring Rory's voice as I stomp over to the window.

"So I guess I'm not worth it," she whispers. "You know, my thirteen year old brother is stronger than you! At least he's getting the help he needs! You just keep hiding!"

I whirl around. "You have no idea! No clue! I don't wanna tell some goddamn stranger about how many men fucked me! I don't want the world to know how many dicks I've had to suck or how many pedophiles played with my balls and how, sometimes, it actually felt good. I fucking liked it. Just like Ray said." When I finish my tirade, I'm shaking.

Rory is too. She crosses the room and throws her arms around me. I'm torn, hurt by the words she said, and I'm too proud to admit how much I need her to hold me.

"I'm leaving!" I say, pulling away from her.

"Austin! Please don't! I love you!"

I say nothing.

———————

It's three a.m. and I drive through the empty streets, too broken to fall asleep. I hate myself for not telling Rory I loved her too, at least. I should have said anything. But fear and shame made me turn my back on her. She will never forgive me. It's all my fault.

When dawn comes, I drive to Blanca's house, thinking she'll still be asleep. I called to tell her I would stay the night so she wouldn't worry, but I'm not prepared to face anyone. I just wanna go to my room, chug NyQuil and go to sleep for hours.

"You woke up early!" Blanca exclaims when I walk in.

She's sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee. It smells intoxicating.

"Any left?" I ask.

She nods and points to the kitchen. As I'm making myself a cup, Blanca calls my name.