Hunger

Rory: Gone

The morning after Halloween, I wake up alone. Austin has shared my bed all week so the absence of his warmth is odd enough to wake me when I stretch my arm across the empty mattress. Pixie's air mattress is folded up against the wall, their bags missing. My heart sinks. Why? I know he wanted the freedom to come and go when he wanted, but why would he leave without saying goodbye? Without saying anything?

Blanca is off on the weekends so I can't ask her if she talked to Austin this morning. Seth is sitting at the kitchen table with his iPad when I come downstairs.

"Austin and Pixie are gone," I say, sitting down across from him.

He glances up at me with indifference. "Okay."

"Did you see them? Did they say anything to you?" I ask.

Seth shakes his head. "Nope."

I stare out the window at the misty November morning. "Great."

Seth looks at me over his cereal bowl. "Why do you care so much anyway?"

Because I failed you and don't want to fail anyone else. Because I'm falling in love with Austin... I think. But I don't say that. Instead I say,

"It's the right thing to do."

Seth snorts. "Whatever. You don't owe them."

"I wish someone had done for you what I'm doing for them! Maybe if they had-" I stop myself.

"Then maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up?" Seth finishes softly.

"That's not what I was going to say," I mumble, even though we both know it was.

Seth shrugs. "It's not like I don't know what you and Dad think of me. All these therapists and shit? It's not 'cause I'm easy to live with, huh?"

"We just want to help," I say.

"No one can help me," Seth says. There's a note of defeat in his voice.

"Why do you think that?"

He looks up at me. There's this strange look in his eyes, as if he wants to tell me something and is having to fight himself to keep it inside.

"Rory..." he says, but then he changes his mind. "Forget it. Doesn't matter."

"Tell me," I say.

Seth shakes his head and stands up. "Forget it, Rory. It doesn't matter. See you later."

With that, he's gone, leaving me feeling more alone than ever.

——————

At work a few days later, I still can't help watching the doors, hoping to see Austin and Pixie walk in. Hours pass like weeks. It's been a slow afternoon and an even slower evening, and I'm stiff with boredom behind my register, my lower back aching from standing still for so long in the same place. I don't get to leave my register until my ten minute break, which I decide to spend with Ryan in the cafe.

"You look like somebody died," Ryan says to me.

I sigh heavily, leaning against the counter and pretending to bang my head against the Daily Specials chalkboard. "Austin is gone. He just left this morning."

Ryan raises an eyebrow. "Lover's quarrel?"

I roll my eyes. "No. He just... left. Like, no fucking explanation."