Hunger

Austin: Red Snow

Rory is pleading with me to call the police or do literally anything other than what I'm going to do, but I let her voice fade into the back of my mind as I get out of the car.

I can't count on the cops to help, just like I can't count on the system. I can only count on myself.

I walk around to the back of the trailer, mentally imagining the layout so I'll get the right window. I gently brush the snow away and see Pixie through the grimy glass. She's sitting on her bed right below the window, her Olaf and Elsa toys beside her. I don't want to scare her so I softly call her name. When she looks up, she grins and stands so she's eye level with me. I almost collapse with relief. She's okay and doesn't look hurt or traumatized. I can see it in her eyes. She's scared but she's okay. Ray hasn't gone back to selling her... yet.

"Pixie, open it! Push these little metal things over," I say, pointing to the window locks. Pixie unlocks the window, pushing hard with both of her little hands.

"Good girl! Now press up on the glass. I'll help you," I say, pushing up on my side.

The window is glued shut with a thick coating of ice and snow.

"Austin, it's stuck!" I hear her little voice through the glass as she whimpers.

"It's okay. Just keep trying," I tell her.

I start pulling at the ice with my nails. It's not working. My fingers are burning and fumbling as they go numb. Soon my hands are two useless flippers hanging off my wrists, completely incapable of doing anything but smacking the glass. I shove them both in my hoodie pockets to warm them enough to continue.

"You just don't know when to quit, do you?" says a voice.

It's Ray. I turn around, pulling the gun out of my pocket, but he's faster than me. I hear his gun go off as mine flies out of my hand. I don't realize I'm hit at first. It's just a huge force that blows me backwards and sends the gun flying through the air. It's like a ghost with indescribable strength has just shoved me, and for a moment I'm completely shocked and looking around frantically for my invisible attacker.

I scramble to my feet and realize that warm blood is oozing out of my shoulder and in between my fingers. There's no pain yet. The blood doesn't even seem like mine.

"That was a warning shot. The next one will be to your chest. The one after that will be to your head," Ray says.

He shot me. He actually shot me.

"Just let her go and you'll never hear from us again!" I gasp breathlessly.

"No way. I'm not giving you my kid!" Ray shouts.

"You don't even want her! All you want her for is to..."

I stop.

"To what?" Ray asks.

"You know what I'm talking about."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Austin, do you really think I would do that to her?"

I scoff. "Seriously? You deny it?"

"You know your mom accused me of that same shit and it did not end well for her."

It's a warning but I don't give a fuck.

"Everyone knows what you are," I gasp. The pain is hitting me now and it's hot and throbbing.

"You liked what they did to you. You loved it. You even told me," Ray says cruelly. His black eyes are piercing.

"You forced me to say that! You forced me to act so they would get their money's worth and I never once disobeyed! I made you so much money! YOU OWE ME! I EARNED MY FREEDOM AND SO HAS SHE!" I shout.

"You're delusional. I'd never do that to her. You can ask her right now!" Ray says, gesturing as the window where Pixie's hands are pressed against the glass as she cries.

"She'll just lie because she knows what will happen if she doesn't!"

"You know, you're right about one thing. You did earn your freedom, Austin. You did everything I asked. You were a good little dog. Now I'm finished with you. So get the fuck off my property before I blow your fucking brains out!" Ray says, lifting the gun again.

Ray's right. I don't know when to quit. Or maybe I just won't quit.

I reach for the gun I dropped on the ground and feel another bullet blow me back into the snow. I hear Rory's voice now, screaming from the car. Ray is pointing the gun at my head as I lay on the ground.

"Go now and I'll let you live. Well, you might live if you get your ass to a hospital in time. Can't guarantee I didn't hit any organs," Ray says. "I know you're not very bright, but here's your chance to do the smart thing for once."

I look over at Rory standing next to the car, see tears running down her face. Then I look up at Pixie's face in the window. She's pounding her little fists on the glass, screaming and crying. "I'm okay," I mouth to her. Then I look at Ray.

He is pointing the gun at my head. If he shoots me one more time, I'm dead. I can't die without saving Pixie. I will haunt this land forever trying to save her and failing for eternity. The only choice I have is to save myself because the alternative means I can't save her.

I'm fading, and I can't die yet. I get to my hands and knees, making myself stand on shaking legs. I stumble away from Ray, back into the woods behind the trailer, away from Rory's car. I have to protect Rory. Then I have to think of a Plan B to get Pixie. I have to get her. I have to...

I fall into the snow on my hands and knees. It's almost impossible to breathe. Ray didn't hit my heart or I'd be dead, but something inside me is really fucked up.

I flop onto my back, gasping for air. The blood pours out of me into the snow. I know I'm dying, but at least Pixie won't see it now. And Rory... and Rory... I'm looking up at the trees, trying to complete that thought. I can feel the neurons in my brain falling apart like a Jenga tower. If I calm down, maybe I'll have more time to think of a way to save Pixie. If I can get my heart to stop pounding, I'll lose less blood. So I go back to the thing that's always calmed me down.

I lift my fingers in the snow, one by one, and start counting. Five... Five... Five.