Hunger

Rory: Penance

It's Saturday, and Gwen is picking me up at nine to take me to the party, which is the last thing I want to do tonight. Dad came home today. I saw him for a grand total of thirty minutes when he called me and Seth down for dinner. I'm surprised there wasn't a photographer present, capturing pictures of his "perfect" family for campaign commercials. He didn't say much, just barked at Seth to take off his headphones and asked me about dance and school. As if he cares.

We used to be somewhat of a family, way back before Mom died and Seth was taken. But my dad blames me for losing Seth, and the fact that Seth has come back a damaged, angry juvenile delinquent doesn't mean Dad has buried the hatchet. He doesn't even look me in the eye anymore.

"Hey girly," Gwen says, smiling at me as I slide into the passenger's seat of her car. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Just my dad," I sigh, pulling down the visor so I can fix my makeup in the mirror.

"Nothing that a few beers can't cure. Tell me the latest Austin update to get your mind off it."

I chuckle. "There isn't one. He came by, bought a couple things, didn't say much."

"Why did you ask him to come to the store every week?" Gwen asks.

"Because of Seth. I told you this," I say defensively.

"Are you sure that's really why?" There's a suggestive hint in her voice.

"Yes. What the hell do you mean?"

"You said he's cute."

"So? He's also homeless. His life is a wreck."

"I hate to tell you this, Rory, but he's probably a junkie," Gwen says thoughtfully.

"No he isn't!"

"How would you know?"

"Because he's not high! And he's never asked me for money. He ran away, Gwen. I told you. You just want to think the worst things about him."

"Why did he run away?"

"Something about his little sister," I say dismissively, though I've been wondering the same thing myself.

"Just sounds so made up to me. I think you're too gullible, Rory," Gwen says.

I don't say anything because I don't have a defense. Austin easily could have made up the entire story to make me feel bad for him. I just feel like he's being honest with me, though. He did admit to stealing the stuff, even though it was after I caught him, but still. A criminal would have either run away or attacked me. He did neither.

Gwen doesn't understand the connection I feel with Austin and his sister because of Seth. When I first told her she accused me of trying to be their savior. I feel a twist in my stomach as I wonder whether or not that's exactly what I'm doing.

The frat party is in full swing by the time we get there. It only takes Gwen a few minutes to snag us some drinks, a cute guy already hanging on her arm. I take small sips of my beer and spend a lot of time hanging around by myself listening to music I don't like and talking to people who bore me. Ryan comes by and chats with me for a few minutes, but then he disappears too. A couple of cocky college guys flirt with me, but I brush them off.

As I walk around the huge house, surrounded by pampered rich kids... all I can think about is Austin and Pixie... somewhere out there, sleeping in a van. The night is cold and wet, and I shiver involuntarily.

I've never once missed a meal. Never once slept outside, been in danger, been hungry, been alone, been penniless. I wonder what the hell I'm doing getting involved in a situation I know nothing about. Then I remember... Seth. Maybe I haven't suffered, but he has. For some reason, helping Austin and Pixie fills the void that's been created by not being able to help my own brother. In some way I can't explain, this is my penance.