sefirin kiz

chapter 13

Gediz joined the ladies in the late evening for dinner. They chatted about things in general and nare remained silent listener to the family talks. She just gave few casual smiles at times when they looked at her.

Gediz drove everyone back home. He said to refika 'mum, I will come back in sometime, you go ahead' he turned to nare and said 'will you come with me' nare nodded.

Gediz took nare to the beach. It was lovely spring night. As it was late, beach was relatively empty. They walked through the busy part of the beach towards the quitter area which was quite a walk. Hotels and resorts lined the side of the beach. The lights of the city enlightened the mountains, and turned sky bright. The city was alive at night. They could hear faint sounds of the party mongers singing afar.

Gediz prodded nare to follow him. They kept walking till he found a quitter place. It was lined by eucalyptus tree. He stood there. His hand securely inside his jacket pocket. He was still dressed in his formal attire. Nare was wearing a black coat, tightly secured by the belt at her waist. She appeared weak and tired. Her eyes were dark and hollowed. Her forehead furrows dug deep into skin. She stood clammed up. she was digging her feet in the sand. The sound of waves crashing on the sea coast was all engulfing, spray of water droplets touched Gediz's feet as he stood next to her, he glanced at her sullen face and looked back at the sea. It was moonless night, and the sea was nervous. Breeze was gentle and ruffled through their hair. They smoothened their hair with their hand holding their locks tightly back.

Gediz cleared his throat to break the silence. Nare looked at him and asked finally 'say what you want to talk?'

'I don't know where to start from and I don't know do I have the right to hold this conversation with you'

She turned around at him and said with a wry smile 'you are my husband gediz, you have all the right'

'don't say that nare, we are in a situation, and its not your fault'

'its my fault, its not your fault'

'its not your fault, its my fault.'

'its my fault, only if I never came or went away, you guys wont fight'

Gediz stopped her 'we had to fight, we would fight for something else'

'but the reason is me, my father'

'nare, please, there is no point blaming anyone, at least not you. You cannot hold yourself responsible for something you didn't do. I know I am not the right person to tell you anything. For all the terrible things that I have done, I shot someone' he looked at his hand with despise, as if he still saw blood. 'I never thought I could ever do something like this, in a bid to stop people becoming a murderer, I picked up gun.' She could sense his remorse and turned to look at him, she could see regret on his face. 'I was stuck in such a labyrinth, I didn't know how to get out, and you know what drew me into it, my arrogance. Sancar had warned me about it. But I didn't know when and how it took over, I lost my control. I ceased to be the man I was.'

'it was me that drove you into it. If I never came into your life, would you ever experience such a low in your life'

'it was because you came in my life, I saw the deepest abyss I can fall into. I saw my true face, I realized what my one vice can lead me into. I learnt a big lesson, which I will never forget. You know the difference between a person who is bad and good'

Nare looked at him questioningly, he looked in her eyes and said 'good person learns from his mistake and a bad person keeps committing them again and again'

'so what do you think you are?'

'time will tell, but my intention is to learn, I don't want to justify what I did, there is no justification for it, I have been punished as well. See I cant go to my own town, people wont even look at me. The business that I built with so much effort, its been burned to ashes. I am moneyless and faceless.'