F it this is my personal journal now

August 1st, 2023

August 1st, 2023

So we are gettin into it today with the subject of my Mom.
I didn't know my mom. She died when I was nine months old in a car crash. I've heard about her growing up, heard stories and seen pictures and belongings. I know she had thick, red hair and a beautiful smile. I know she was short, around 4'11". I know I got her nose.
What I don't know is her voice. I don't know what she sounded like or how she sang. If her singing was like nails on a chalkboard or if her voice jumped octaves like mine does.
What learned recently was that I laugh like she did. That when I laugh it's contagious like hers was. When I laugh at the little things no one else see, she did the same. When I laugh my uncle smiles because he can heard her in my voice. His little sister. The one who would wake him in the middle of the night when she need something. The who was always by his side, sticking like glue. When I laugh he sees her and that makes me happy and want to cry all at once. Because I can't see her.
I see brown hair and eyes I got from my grandma. I see a round face and a lopsided smile I inherit from my dad. I see a girl who looks nothing like her mother.
I wish I could see her. See her smile at me the way she did in the photos. See her dance in the way it was described to me. I wish I could hear her. Hear the laugh that means so much to others. Hear her voice when she spoke the simplest of sentences.
I wish I had met her. Not for the short nine months but for the nineteen longs years I've lived. I wish I had met her. The wonderful being I've hear in tales of adventure and sorrow. I wish I had met her. Seen the person she was and how she would grow. I wish I had met her before the ice on the road took from me, a baby to young to remember. I wish I had met her. To know her voice. I wish I could hear her. If only once.