Red's Wolf

Recipe for disaster

Liliana

I came home, and Kris was cooking dinner. I changed my clothes, throwing on comfy clothes, then went into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Rough day?" Kris asked, stirring the meat sauce, so it didn't burn.

"Rough life," I replied as she chuckled. "Satan offered me money to be his fake fiancé," I added, causing her to look at me strangely.

"Why?" Kris asked.

"Beats me. Satan said he told his Mommy he's engaged. His parents are expecting a fiancé to attend a wedding with him," I mentioned.

Kris looked at me, weirdly.

"My thoughts exactly," I said.

"Does your boss know what he's asking? That's like sending a hiker into a bear den. It never ends well," Kris told me.

"Yeah, Satan is the hiker, and I'm the sleeping bear," I retorted as Kris laughed.

"I remember the last guy you dated, Liliana. I'm sure you made him cry," Kris reminded me.

"Andrew did cry. All he did is a cry. When I said I wanted a sensitive man, that's not what I meant. Then you had Paul, who was a fitness nut. I thought he would kill me with his exercise. Blaine, who's a know-it-all, correcting everything you do and many more that shall go nameless."

"You know how to pick them," Kris retorted.

"No, they picked me. I got stuck dealing with the guys for a few months, then said adios, although I do miss sex," I sighed. Kris laughed. That's the only good thing about some of the guys I dated. The sex was incredible. It's not the same with B.O.B, aka battery operated boyfriend.

"Well, tonight they're having a new episode of The Bachelorette," Kris squealed.

"Oh, why? I hate that show," I groaned.

"The guys are hot," Kris mentioned.

"That makes me wish I was in the girl's place, letting hot guys fight over me," I added.

"Don't we all," Kris sighed.

Kris finished making dinner, and we sat down to eat. I kept thinking about this agreement with Satan. I had to spend a whole week, pretending to be his fiancé. I had to meet his family, which will be interesting. I'm curious to know who spawn Satan.

After dinner, Kris and I lounged on the couch watching The Bachelorette. I can't believe that I'm watching this show. It's the dumbest thing ever and reminds me that I'm single.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed dating, but the guys got ridiculous. After three dates, they declared their undying love, wanting to make things official. Who does that? It takes me three days to decide if I love new food.

Then, you throw in sex, and all of a sudden, you get engaged and have a family. I'm lucky if I can keep a plant alive along with a kid.

"Poor Trudy, she had a good rub," Kris mentioned as we looked at the dead plant hanging up in the corner.

"Yeah, Trudy lasted longer than the last one. She made it to five days," I nodded.

Yeah, I'm sure if I had a kid, it will be wrong. We finished watching The Bachelorette, then binge-watched some other show on Netflix. When people talk about Netflix and chill, they mean sex. When I talk about Netflix and chill, I watch Netflix and chill, no sex.

As we sat there, Kris passed me an edible brownie. I took it, taking a bite.

"This brownie tastes different from the last one," I mentioned while eating it.