Checkmate (BxB) ✅

17: apologies don't mean forgiveness

A/N: you guys are so lucky... three updates in three days! Enjoy 😉

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Elias

I stayed in the bathroom cubicle the whole of lunchtime. I couldn't bear to face anyone, especially with my blotchy face and red eyes. At least I had plenty of toilet paper available to blow my nose. I felt a bit guilty at abandoning Steph but I knew she would be fine with her computer and codes. My phone dinged.

Steph: where r u? R u ok?

Me: bathroom. No not rly but I'm going home early so I'll be fine.

Steph: ok take care. call me if u need to talk xx

When the lunch bell rang I waited a few more minutes for the stragglers to get to class before slowly emerging from the bathrooms. I quickly made my way through the empty corridors, grabbed my backpack from my locker and made my way to the nurse's office.

"Are you okay?" The nurse asked me worriedly as she took in my bloodshot eyes behind my glasses.

"I don't feel so good," I replied, my voice still shaky, "Can you sign the paper so that I can go home early?"

"Of course!" She kindly answered, sensing that I was close to bursting into tears once more.

I sped out of the school as if a pack of hyenas were after me before slowing down as I reached the streets. I trod slowly and depressed all the way to my house. My parents were at work so I was glad that they had given me a copy of the key. I let myself in and collapsed on the sofa. I turned on the tv and binge-watched stupid rom-coms which always ended well until the doorbell rang, a couple of hours later. I half-heartedly paused the tv and got up from the sofa. I ran my hands through my hair in a brief attempt to look slightly more presentable before swinging the front door open. And freezing. Holy shit. Nothing could have prepared me then for the site of a distraught looking Axel on my doorstep.

"I told you to leave me the fuck alone," I growled and tried to shut the door.

Axel threw out his arms to keep it open. He was stronger than me so I gave in and opened the door again.

"Are you going to let me in?" He asked.

"No," I grunted and folded my arms across my chest.

Axel looked contrite and shuffled his feet.

"I'm sorry," he said, with pleading eyes.

"I'm sure you are," I replied in a cold voice.

He seemed to flinch at my tone and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"You don't understand. That wasn't meant to happen. I had told them I wanted nothing to do with their bet. Then I forgot all about it," he explained.

I stared at him for a moment, but he didn't seem like he was lying.

"Okay," I finally sighed.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asked, hopeful.

"No," I replied, voice hard.

He reeled back in shock, not so much physically but you could see it on his face. He looked so open, vulnerable and hurt, before he schooled his face into a blank one.

"You should have told me about it," I finally said.

"How? When?" He exclaimed, running his  hands through his hair in frustration, "It's not something you can just tell a guy you're finally having a chance with. They only made the bet a couple of weeks ago. And as I told you, I completely forgot about it after I had told them no way."

"Fine," I looked at the floor.

An awkward silence spread between both of us. I wanted to forgive him, I really did. In fact, deep down in my heart I already had. But my mind was still reeling from the feeling of betrayal that had forced me to my knees this afternoon. My mind was smart enough to know that forgiving him straight away, trusting him blindly, would just get myself hurt again. After all, he was a jock, I was a geek. Maybe we weren't made for each other.

"So is that it? Are you breaking up with me?" Axel exclaimed, his voice breaking.

His eyes were bright and large and panicked. His golden hair was a mess and his cheeks flushed. My throat felt tight. There was only one right answer. But it hurt so much. I thought that by now the pain of my broken heart would have numbed me from anymore pain. I was wrong. I felt as if a shard of glass was stabbing straight through my heart as I opened my mouth to answer Axel.

"Yes," my voice broke, "Don't talk to me ever again," I slammed the door shut in his face before I could lose composure.

But not fast enough to miss the expression on Axel's face. So raw. So pained. So horrified. Echoing my feelings. Who knew hearts could break twice.

Axel

I stared at his front door, shell-shocked. I felt like my world had just exploded. Fractured. Come apart. It was an apocalypse. Yet I was barely aware of it. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. My fists were clenched by my sides, hard enough that my nails bit into my skin. My jaw ground as I tried to swallow past the basketball lodged in my throat. My eyes burnt but I blinked away my tears furiously. I was not going to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me this broken. My tears would have to wait for when I am alone in my room tonight.

"Fuck!" I yelled in frustration, "Fuck!" and punched the brick wall beside Elias' front door.

"Fuck!" this time I swore due to the pain that exploded over my knuckles.

I cradled my hand against my chest. My knuckles were raw and blood welled in the scrapes. I shook out my hand, in a way glad for the physical pain that distracted me from my shrivelling insides.

What went wrong? I knew the main part. But things went wrong a long time ago. When I first became friends with Zedd. When I accepted his gay slurs without saying a word to stop him. When my only attempt to refuse the bet was being silent. Now I could see that my flaw all along had been my silence. My silence had ruined everything. Three weeks ago I had never kissed anyone. Now the boy I loved saw me for the coward I really was. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I couldn't wrap my mind around how much it just fucking hurt.

I watched as drops of iridescent deep red blood slowly dripped down my arm from where I held up my clenched injured fist. I turned my back on Elias' front door. Maybe I deserved the pain.

A/N:........no words...........
I feel my heart breaking along with theirs argh 😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔
Do you think Elias should have forgiven Axel straight away? Do you think he shouldn't have broken up with him? Does Axel deserve it? Do you feel sorry more for Elias or Axel? 🤔
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