Dutch Tulips (Bill Kaulitz/Tokio Hotel Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty Five. Only Hold On to Let Go

// So more of Izzy's past on this chapter, only so you get an idea of what happened to her between this and the previous book.

Hope you like it! //

Bill sat down in his living room, his gaze kept falling on those two objects in the coffee table. That little phone and the red notebook it was on top of. He told himself it was a very bad thing to intrude on Elizabeth's private notes, he hadn't read it, but if it was hidden in Gi's apartment along with the phone it should mean something.

He lit up a cigarette and had a couple of long drags of it before he put it out and picked the notebook up. Gi had given it to him when he mentioned he needed to get something from Izzy's previous room; but she had already found this stuff while cleaning up, she said she hadn't read the notebook, so she didn't know what it was about but Bill took it anyway and as he opened the first page he read carefully.

"This is Izzy Collins' notebook. Return please. Room 20-03. Please do not read."

The letters were tilted to the side a little bit, Bill had to remind himself that Elizabeth was left handed, but the handwriting was still pretty and clear, not too round but also not too long. It was small, and as he read the little note on the first page, Bill could imagine the sound of her voice saying those words.

He still turned the page and found a couple of entries. He stopped himself as soon as his eyes fell on the name Joe, he read and tried to digest the information as he felt sick to his stomach. And to think Dempsey was used to listening to these stories, he couldn't read it, he had to close his eyes a couple of seconds and remind himself that the man mentioned there would never touch Izzy again, although it was uncertain, that was what he believed. Bill turned a couple more pages and found something else in Izzy's girly handwriting.

"Today I've been asked to talk about Bill, but I don't think anyone can understand what I got with him...not that we have something "magical" or "especial"...it's just that he is the only person I gradually got to respect and trust.

It's hard to describe him, he's often so quiet...so cautious. I remember when I met him he didn't seem so, but he was nice and I was a little scared to know that my neighbour was a policeman - Detective Bill, my neighbour while I tried to keep a low profile in that little apartment building -, he assumed I was underage and he was right! But he also assumed he could talk to me. Back then I didn't know a random stranger could show worry for me, but he did, for the first time in my life someone noticed me. Me or my pain, I'm not sure...but if it hadn't been for that little bit of kindness I would have died long before Mark sold me out." There was a little too much force put on the page in the last ten words, Bill took a little moment to touch the spot with his fingers before he kept reading. "I had taken a huge beating from Mark the night before, as always I kept my whimpering and crying to myself as he kicked and hit me with his rough hands; sometimes if I am too stressed I can dream of the pain in my ribs, anyway, in the morning as I looked in the mirror I saw myself but I thought "that girl's already dead" and I decided it would have to end. I couldn't go back home, because my dad had previously been clear with me -saying that it made him sick that I made out such horrible stories about my brother - and I was still too scared of Joseph, after the last time he went into my room I was completely terrified to see him. I thought I could get a grip on some sleeping pills because I knew someone at the drugstore near school and I did. I couldn't wait to get home. I'd just lock myself in the bathroom and take the whole bottle, I knew I didn't have to drink too many because I wasn't that big, but to make sure, I'd take them all or as many as possible.