Madness

18

18| Noise

It's Monday and I'm at school, sitting in this shitty classroom listening to this shitty teacher go on and on about a dead, shitty man who wrote a few plays for some monarchs and all of a sudden his work is so fucking important that everyone has to learn about them.

I slept all day yesterday, mainly because I didn't have it in me to get up. Noni told my brothers to not bother me and I was thankful to have that woman around.

Turi tried to come and talk to me but I just stared at the door, listening to him asking me if I was alright.

No, I am not. I've accepted that. I'm just a girl that's the product of a druggie mom and rich man who couldn't give a shit about me. I'm just some pathetic girl, trying to get some sense of family but I know that I'll never get it.

Two dead parents and four brothers who would rather not have to care for me, but they're just putting up with me for the time being.

"Rora, are you okay?" Dom shoved my shoulder lightly with a small smirk on his face.

I nodded my head and rolled my shoulders, "Yeah, this class is just boring," I said with a forced chuckle.

He nodded his head in agreement. Dom knew that I wasn't feeling good today, but he didn't make a huge deal out of it.

We've sort of gotten closer because he caught me having a mental breakdown and he was really supportive about it.

Granted, I don't trust anybody enough to go spilling my life secrets, but a good friendship seemed distracting enough at the moment.

It kept me from thinking, and I liked that. There's so much noise in my head, and sometimes I like being around other people because they drown it out.

Makes me feel sane.

+++

I've been pretty quiet this entire day. I caught Christian staring at me in the cafeteria, but I ignored him. My friends knew I was having an off day, so they didn't really try to pester me too much.

I'll make sure to send them a 'thank you' text later.

I just feel so empty, but everything is so heavy. I...I don't know what I'm good for.

I haven't spoken since I arrived back at the house. Marcus didn't say anything to me during the car ride home, and Caledon didn't try speaking to me.

Tello tried to tell me that it's fine that I don't like Christian, and he's kind of glad because he didn't want me dating anyway.

I just nodded my head lazily before heading to my room, locking my door and getting started on my homework.

School is a good distraction. It worked back when I was in Chicago, and it should work here.

I just want to feel...normal. What is normal? Do other people always feel this empty? Do other people constantly feel like they have to look over their shoulder?

I hope that my friends aren't put off by my grumpiness today. I really don't want them to think that I was mad at them.

So I grabbed my phone and texted the group chat just to make it clear.

Aurora: hey guys, I'm sorry that I was grumpy today. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Thanks for being so chill.