Chapter 5

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  The days following the pancake incident were not easy, to say the least. Every shadow had transformed into my own personal demon and seemed to glow green. Everything around me had turned an unearthly green hue. The color mocked me even in its beauty. I have half a mind to get rid of every one of my green possessions.
In the midst of my fear sleep evaded me. I fear he may return and steal me away in my helpless state. I am so tired now that I swear, I can feel the earth spinning under my feet.
The worst thing about sleep deprivation is the lack of escape. The luxury of unconsciousness has become a thing if the past. In the night that I now lay awake. Even now I find myself staring at the ceiling too caught up in every sound to close my eyes and accept vulnerability. How can I when I know he's still out there?
I miss being in the hospital. In the hospital, there were people and cameras everywhere. Maybe I should go back to the hospital. All I need to do is get hurt.
I just have to get hurt, I get out of bed.
I just have to get hurt, I walk downstairs.
I just have to get hurt, I'm in the kitchen.
I just have to get hurt, I find a knife.
I just have to get hurt; I press the cold blade to my wrist. The flesh doesn't break at first it only sinks under the pressure. Then the faintest drops of blood make themselves known. I apply more pressure and sweep the blade across my wrist. I barely feel the pain. I'm too numb even to my own body. I'm not hurt enough. So I repeat the action again then, again. Three lines run parallel adorning my wrist like bracelets, so pretty. I go to do it once more. Following my previous actions, i bring the blade to my skin.
"What are you doing", shouts a panicked voice. I look up to see green coming towards me. Everything is blurred now. Green takes my wrist gingerly as his jaw trembles.
"This wasn't supposed to happen, it's all my fault", says green, "I just wasn't ready, please forgive me for what I've done and what I'm about to do". Another gentle hand comes to my cheek resting there a second before pushing my face a bit to the side. Soft lips move against my neck. It tingles all over and I barely notice the small drops of water splashing against me. He moves downwards to the spot still lightly bruised from my previous encounter with the green-eyed man. This is so much softer than how I got that bruise. He licks and sucks tentatively at me. I moan and use my uninjured hand to press him closer to me as I arch my back to bring him closer. Then I feel his teeth nibbling at first before suddenly breaking skin. I gasp at the intrusion. I am feeling amazing as he pulls out and runs his tongue along the wound. As much as I want to stay awake to enjoy the now amplified sparks, I fade into unconsciousness from all the blood loss.
When I awake it's to the pain coming from my wrist. I can't seem to push my eyes open despite being awake. I feel so weak.
"When is she waking up?", asks a familiar voice. He sounds so sad I almost want to comfort him.
"There's no telling at this point Alpha", says a stern professional voice, "with all the blood she lost and the previous damage as well it's a wonder even with the mark that she's alive at all". Who are they talking about? I hear Green crying. He deserves to cry. He's a terrible monster of a man. I hate him.
In my anger, I find the strength to open my eyes. There he is in a chair beside me weeping. I don't know why he's crying but, he deserves the pain.
I find that I am once again in a hospital bed this time with my wrist covered in bandages instead of wires. Then I notice an odd feeling in my neck. I raise my arm and press a curious finger to the source. Fireworks explode at the touch and a gasp escapes me capturing the attention of the monster. He pulls his teary face from his hands and looks to me with an expression resembling gratitude.
"Mate you're awake", he says sounding happy despite his still wet cheeks. A smile pulls at his lips as he takes me in his arms to hold me in his lap. He stares down at me happily. I hate him and his happiness and my own face turns sour to show it. How dare he hold me? I take my undamaged hand and push against him. I crave distance despite how my body erupts with a delightful feeling being in his arms.
He seems to finally realize my feelings and his face falls as he places me back in the bed. He gets out of his chair and takes a few steps away.
"I'm so sorry mate", he says, "I didn't think this through, I just wasn't ready to grow up and have a mate yet, I realize now how wrong I was. I still look at you now and see how dead you look on the floor after I hurt you. I thought I had killed you and that you were gone forever. I can't imagine a future without you. I know how wrong I was to do what I did and the pain you must have felt and I'm so sorry". His voice cracked as he spoke, and tears became reacquainted with his face. Yet, I didn't feel a spark of pity looking at him. I didn't fully understand what his words meant but, I relished in his pain. He deserved the pain for what he did.

 He deserved the pain for what he did

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