All the Things Between Us

Chapter 26

I try to open my eyes before immediately closing them from the brightness. Am I dead?
I try opening my eyes again and blink to adjust. There's a bright LED directly over me.
"Diana", someone says my name before pulling me into their arms. I flinch in start.
"Apex", I say, "what happened?". I peer up at him, he looks terrible.
"You tried to kill yourself", he seems to struggle to get those words out. Upon him saying this I remember everything. I remember how I took all those pills and how each one seemed to weigh heavily as they went.
"No, I didn't", I tell him. A storm crosses his features.
"Then what did you do Diana?" he shouts, "because to me it just looks like you took a bunch of sleeping pills". He glares down at me and tightens his hold. The way he's looking at me makes me think it's a good thing we're already in the hospital. He moves his hand to my cheek, and I wince at his touch. I know he sees my reaction.
He let's go of me and sits in a chair next to my bed. He stares at his lap and weaves his fingers through his hair.
He doesn't even look at me when he says, "you should just reject me. Say it and I'll accept; you'll never have to deal with the pain of heat or my bullshit ever again. You just have to say it first so you don't feel the loss of the bond". My eyes widen at his words.
"What about you?", I ask.
"I promise I'll leave you alone, and I won't ever bother you again", he says.
"Apex, that's not what I meant", I tell him. He looks up at me with a sad smile.
"I'll be okay", he says. I know that I should be jumping for joy right now. I can finally cut all ties with this man and be rid of him. Despite the world of possibilities that could open for me, I can't see a single one. All I can feel is a sense of dread to be in a world without him. I feel like crying when I imagine him not being around anymore.
"I'll think about it", he nods at this solemnly.
"You've been out for three days you know", he says, "why did you do it?".
"I thought I could buy me some time", I tell him, " I wanted to figure out a better solution, but I couldn't find any". He nods his head at this.
"I've heard of other wolves doing stuff like this in cases where they want to wait until marriage or something similar, however, we're stronger than humans so what would make us pass out can kill you", he says. Hope had told me the same thing. I nod at this.
"I understand why you did it, but you can never do it again", says Apex, "please either reject me or-". He trails off uncertainly, but I can fill in the blanks myself. I look at him and see how he refuses to meet my eyes. It's almost comical to see this goliath sized man look so small.
"If we start before", he clears his throat, "start before your heat then you wouldn't have to feel any pain".
"Apex, why do you care so much?", I ask him. He finally looks at me with what I can only describe as warmth. He raises his hand and hesitates a bit before taking my own. His hand is calloused and rough with obvious power in it. I feel tiny compared to him.
"I love you", he says.
"How can you honestly believe that with everything you've put me through?", my heart clenches at my words and I can see from the way he flinched that my words affected him the same. He sighs and let's go of my hand. I immediately miss his warmth.
"This isn't fair you know", I tell him, "that you can just manipulate me like this". He looks at me confusedly.
"How can you act so innocent? You've created this awful trap for me and I refuse to believe this was an accident".
"What are you talking about?", he asks. I feel my anger rise at his question.
"I started realizing a while ago that I may have developed some form of Stockholm syndrome and decided that when I was learning about wolves to do some research on that too. I learned that there's a psychological phenomenon like battered wife syndrome where someone can be awful to the other for a while and then flip around and be kind and it can lead to bonding". I stare at him accusingly. He seems surprised at me.
"Diana I never meant to do that, and if you are feeling something for then I don't think that's what it is", he says.
"Oh yeah", I say, "then what is it?".
"We're soulmates", he says. I almost burst out laughing.
"I'm starting to think that you made that up and I'm only getting heat because you marked me", I say bitterly.
"That's not how it works", he says now standing up with his eyes turning dark.
"Why should I believe you!?", I shout. Without warning, he scoops me up into his arms and pulls me close to his chest. I'm so surprised at the suddenness that I forget my anger for a second. Despite the long-sleeved shirt that he's wearing I can still feel the usual fireworks that seem to go off when he touches me. He tucks his face into the crook of my neck, and I can feel his erratic breathing start to slow.
"Do you feel something for me?", he asks. I can feel his warm breath against my neck and can't help the shiver that runs down my spine. I begrudgingly nod. He pulls back a bit and something in me melts at his hopeful expression. He then immediately panics when he realizes he just accidentally disconnected some of my wires and some of the machines I'm hooked to are going crazy.
"I should get a nurse", he says. He puts me down and rushes out of the room, but not before pressing a kiss to my forehead. What am I going to do?