Afternoons

carving

I take out my blade from my back pocket and began carving a plus sign on the tree next to my name which is right above my sister's name and also Zoe's. The tree where I used to wait for my sister everyday at 2:18. I hand over the blade to Eleanor. She takes it and places it next to the plus sign. She looks over at me and I nod.

She smiles softly and begins to carve. When she is done she hands me the blade. I put it in my back pocket and I grab Eleanor's hand. Her hand was still warm and soft just like the other times I've touched or held her hand. I don't believe I'll ever get tired of feeling her hand in mine.
It's one of the best feelings.

I kiss my fingers and I trace over all the names with my fingers. I couldn't help but smile.

It's been 3 months since my best friend died. The kids still don't know about her death except for Galiana. Mom and dad still don't know either. They haven't been home so there was no way for them to find out. They will be coming tomorrow morning though. I'm not sure if I want to tell them, for I can't speak about Zoe without having tears in my eyes.
I have been attending my classes even though I don't have the energy for that. I've forced myself to actually pay attention. The lectures actually do distract me somewhat but I can't help but think of the times when I was in high school. Every morning Zoe would have a grand entrance to let the whole world know that she has arrived. Or the fact that I would give her an everyday hug and kiss to the cheek. And the feeling of excitement in 3rd period, where my stomach would twist because I was too eager to be in my final class with my best friend and girlfriend.
I miss it all.

As Eleanor and I lay in bed just playing with each other's hair, we hear the door slam from downstairs. I jump a bit and look up at Eleanor. She looks down at me and frowns.

"You heard that right?" I ask. Sometimes I do hear things but it turns out it's all in my head. And no, I'm not crazy. At least I don't think I am.

Eleanor nods. "Yeah."

I shrug and continue to touch her hair. Today she decided to wear it in curls which I found super cute. I really like how curly hair looks on her. It's attractive.

I hear footsteps coming down the hall then followed by a knock on my door. I wanted to groan but I didn't. I kept it to myself.

"Who is it?" I yell.

"It's Omna! Mom wants you to come down stairs, to say hi," she yells back.

I make a weird face. Since when did she want to say hi to me? Actually, each time but I just don't feel like going all the way downstairs just to say hi. I'm too lazy. Plus my girlfriend is very comfortable to lay on.
But I still force myself out of bed.

"I'll be down in a minute!"

I grab Eleanor's hand and we head downstairs. Mom was greeting and hugging the kids while they threw questions at her. Asking how was her trip and what she did.
She spots me and smiles. I'm still trying to get used to her smiling at me. I remember the first time she did. I felt weird yet...good.

"Hey," she says to both Eleanor and I.

"Hello, how was the trip?" Eleanor asks with a smile. She's faking it. I can tell.

"It was great! I'm a bit tired though. I actually brought both of you girls something but I'll show you later when the kids aren't around," she winks at us and then turns to face the other kids again.

Did she just wink? At me? At my girlfriend? I seriously don't know what is going on with her anymore. It's probably all those men she goes sleeping around with. Maybe women too. I've only caught her with men so far though.
Eleanor looks at me and smirks. I have no idea why she is smirking but I'm not complaining. She looks great.