Afternoons

I always wanted that

I remember the first I met Zoe and how I met her. Freshman year, first day of school. I was already late for class on my first day. The teachers were pretty calm about it though, they understood that some of us would be lost.
Anyways, I was looking for my class when I heard yelling coming from one of the halls. Two female voices. One of them was high pitched while the other one was more hushed and deeper.

I wasn't being nosy...I was just curious. Which I believe makes me nosy, looking back at it.

I turned the corner and there she was. Zoe was being cornered by a girl who had her hands going everywhere. Her hand gestures had told me that she was explaining something. 14 year old me didn't know what the hell was going. I didn't know if I wanted to help or just head to class and let them be.

Zoe had spotted me and her eyes widened. I wondered if she knew me. Maybe she had recognized me. No, it just turns out she was embarrassed. Embarrassed to have been caught being yelled at by a girl who she owed some money.

According to Zoe, they went to the store and she had borrowed some money from this girl. From there, she had not payed her back.

Zoe never pays back with money, she pays back somehow but never with money. I've learned that and I'm totally fine with it up to now.

I approach them carefully and the girl whips her head to look at me. She most likely heard my footsteps. As I've said before, my steps are pretty heavy. I know I would get shot if it ever came to saving my life by having to be quiet.
I looked between both Zoe and the girl not knowing what to do. But I never expected what Zoe did next. She pushed the girl, a little too hard, onto the floor and ran. She just ran like if she were being chased by the cops. She ran and didn't look back once. So I did what any person would do....
Not help the girl that was on the floor and run after this crazy girl who I just witnessed push someone down. I ran after my future best friend who I am currently sitting beside. I ran after the girl who I never imagined would make me one of the happiest people alive.

Zoe is lying on the hospital bed not moving at all. Her chest is moving up and down slowly. She is sleeping. She had been for the past couple of hours. It's Saturday and I've been coming here since Thursday. The day she had gone home early. She had stopped breathing out of nowhere and she was rushed to the hospital.
Nancy (Zoe's mom) had called me right away and I was glad. I was very glad.

By the time I got to the hospital Zoe was doing better. It had taken me a while to get there, the traffic was horrific and thank God I had my bike. I took the advantage of zooming between cars. I know, I shouldn't do that but I didn't care.

I stare at Zoe as she sleeps. The doctor said she will be sleeping most of the times. They still have to run a few tests and she will be exhausted afterwards. It doesn't matter what they do, I just want her to get better- no, not just better. I want a healthy, happy, Zoe.

She starts to turn but then she winces and just stays in the same position. I chuckle a little. I push some of her hair back, the one that has fallen on her face when she wanted to turn. She moves her face as she feels my touch.

"Your hands are so fucking cold," she whispers with her eyes closed.

I jump back a bit and smile. She's awake.

"They always are," I say softly.

She smiles and opens her eyes. "I know."

I continue to stroke her face. "The nurses here are hot. Have you seen them? I always wanted hot girls to look after me, you know? I always wanted that..."

I laugh. Even at the worst times, she has something to say. She never fails to make me laugh. She always has something stupid to say. And I find that entertaining.

"Maybe you can get yourself a girl in here," I joke.

She shrugs. "I don't think they want a girlfriend who will last only a couple of days."

I stop smiling. And then she says that type of stupid stuff, the one that isn't funny. The stupid stuff that just kills the mood. The stupid stuff that is just the damn reality that hurts!
Gosh!
This hurts...
A lot.

"Zoe, stop," I demand.

She looks at me. "Why should I? It's the truth...you have always said that truth hurts."

I look away and stare out the window instead, seeing people walk in and out the hospital. Some came alone, others came with someone else. Then others who entered and might never come out again.

"Now is not the time," I say softly.

"Not the time to what? To discuss what is really happening to me? Alexina, I'm dying. Look- look at me!" She finally snaps once again. And I hate it. Lately she has been snapping at me and I hate it. She has never talked to me this way. If I have to be honest it hurts. It really does.

I finally look at her. My eyes were starting to get watery, my vision began to blur. I didn't like to cry, not in front of people, but crying in front of Zoe always made me feel good. I felt safe around her. I always felt like I was safe enough to cry in front of her. I was just felt safe around her.

"I, for sure, will be leaving this world, we all will at some point, and my point has gotten here but I'll never leave you. I will always and I mean always will be by your side. Maybe not physically but you know what I mean. I can't express my love for you. I know you could not give me back the love that I wanted but you did give me the love that I needed. I want to thank you for being my first friend on the first day of school. For being beside me on the first call. I want to thank you for everything." By the time she got towards the end she gasping for air. She couldn't breathe well and I panicked.

I ran out the room and called out for a nurse. The doctor and a nurse came rushing. They forced me out the room while Zoe and I called out for each other.

"No..I want her...here," I heard Zoe say between gasps.

"I need to be by her side!" I yelled at them. Nancy arrived as she heard all the yelling. She wasn't allowed inside the room either. It was fucked up. Too fucked up, to the point where Nancy and I just held each other with tears streaming down our faces.

I then felt another pair of arms around us. I looked up to see Zoe's dad. I haven't seen him in so long. He is always working, like my dad. Just that the only difference is that he gets to see Zoe everyday. He gets to hug his child every night and give her a kiss goodnight. Unfortunately he won't be able to do that anymore.
And it breaks my heart.

I love you, Zoe...

So so much.