Tips for trans guys

relationship advices for trans guys

hello. You may or may not be in couple. You may or may not already have sexual experience/relationship experience. You may or may not even want any thing to do with sex. This chapter is for every trans guy/NB in couple or that want to be in couple. I'd give you advice, to make sure your partener(s) are/is respecting you and your identity.

So. Here, I'll talk about rejection, dysphoria, body parts , trans fetishism and transphobia. So, if you think this could make you feel bad, please, don't read this.

This is just the kind of tips I never saw. I'm at the age where everyone have sex, where every damn people are in couple. In my school, we don't have any sex/love education, so I guess we kind of have to deal with all that stuffs alone. My parents never told me anything, neither did my professors. So I did my own research.

The sex/love ed is particulary centred for cisgender and straight couples. I think I never saw any of this kind of lesson for kids that don't fit in these boxes. So, here am I going to do it for trans kids/teens.

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Being trans in our society can be difficult. Well, being trans in a relationship may be even more complicated. I don't want to scare anyone, but some people are not good with that. There is a lot of people you should beware of.

* The one that just "love trans guys": This is what we call a guy with a trans fetish. They do not love you, and they won't even try to learn who you are. You are, for them, just a guy with no dick, a body on wich they can do anything. they may tell you they loves the trans community and everything, but be careful. You can easily know if you are in this kind of relationship : they insist on your transidentity (always including the word "trans" will reffering at you). they may not want you to access cerain things, such as testosterones or surgery... And of course, they makes a clear difference between "real guys" and "trans bois".

* The one that is "curious": I think this is even worse somehow. For this person, you are some tropical experiment. This one does not even see you like a person, and may want to meet only for sex, and far from public. You can recognize that easily : He does not talk about you to anyone, you are like "his secret". They avoid dates, and won't even bother to talk. One of their argument is that "whatever, your trans, you don't really have the choice." And that my fellow guys is WRONG : You don't owe ANYONE ANYTHING, and this is not because you are trans that everyone will be a dick with you. There are good people, you just have to find them.

* The one that tries to "save you": You are a man you say? Well, this person does not see things like this. They'll try to "save you from this madness", by repressing your identity and make you conform the one you were assignated at birth. This is not okay and you should escape this as fast as possible. They'll force feminine pronoms on you, and probably destroy every positivity you could have built : "You can't be a guy, be logical: You clearly have boobs ect..." This can be really hard to escape this relationship, particulary if you were with the person before coming out.

* The one that say "my girlfriend thinks she is a boy": This one can be really hard to detect, but be careful. They'll probably respect your pronoms and name, make you seems everything is okay. But when you are not here, you are "the girlfriend", a "tomboy". This persons wants to keep you, but won't see you as a guy. They'll be opposed to your hormonal treatment and surgeries, because "I won't know who you are anymore". He excuse himself everytime by a "It's hard for me.", and isn't capable to see your pain.

SO: A lot of people can be real asseholes, especially when they learn you are trans. Some may manipulate you in all sort of ways. Don't let this happend. Fight. Dating can be hard when you are trans, but there are good people on this planet. And if you search, you'll find them. It's easy to be a little paranoïd about all of that, but the most important thing is to listen to yourself : Does this person makes you happy ? Does this person respect you and your identity? Do you feel good with this person, do you trust them ? Do they let you or even better, do they accompany you on your journey? These are the questions to ask yourself to see if you are in a good relationship. Do not stay because you think you'll never find anybody else. Plenty of people are good and just want to love you for who you are. Don't lose hope.

I wish you to find someone(s) great for you, that will see and respect who you truly are. (And if you don't want to be in couple, I wish you to find good and respectful friends with whom you'll eat plenty of cakes).