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a few things to note:
→ this book is all about bad feelings!
read with caution if you're easily triggered. as you might be able to tell,(bad) mental health is discussed in depth and at length. topics such as self harm, alcoholism, insomnia, etc. come up here and there. plus, a lot of the narration is done by the heavily self deprecating voices in minho's head. so. be warned. haha.
→ the college that skz attends in this book works like a western college.
i'm an american, so i just wrote it the way i know college works here. that means that college starts in september, and has christmas break— stuff like that— instead of starting in februrary/march like a korean college would. im not sure that anyone would've said anything about it or even realized it had i not pointed it out, but i did it anyway haha
→ minho's emotions may not make sense to you.
you're essentially about to read my journal.
by that, i don't mean all of the situations are things that happened to me (though some of them are, at least, heavily inspired by things that actually happened to me). just about everything minho feels is something i felt. idk, i've always been confused about how i feel about touch and sometimes the feelings are so strong i don't know how to deal with them, so i wanted to write this in order to deal with them, and also maybe figure them out a little bit.
im happy to report, i think i understand them much better now.
this is my therapy book :')
but anyway, i'm not sure if minho's feelings (here) will make sense to most people, or if they will be confusing or seem overly dramatic, but honestly they're just my feelings. i don't know what other people think about them because this story was my first attempt at putting a few of my strongest emotions into words.
still, i'm sure plenty of people will be able to relate in at least some way.
→ honestly, i was just winging it half the time i was writing jisung's dialouge.
i can't even get myself to believe half the stuff i wrote.
currently, i relate most strongly to minho near the climax of this story, so i really haven't accepted my feelings still and tbh, writing some of this made me very uncomfortable.
→ don't be mean to me im sensitive :'(
i don't think i wrote this perfectly or anything but i tried pretty hard. i still feel like this story could've been better, but i think i'm gonna leave it here because i don't want to overwork it haha. my film teacher said "done is better than perfect" and i've been trying to follow that advice recently.
(okay i'm from the future and um... THAT WAS SUCH A BIG LIE I EDITED THE WHOLE LAST HALF OF THE BOOK WITHIN AN INCH OF ITS LIFE HAHAHA)
also feel free to let me know if there are typos— i try to proofread but yk.
→ i have finished this book already; it's in drafts, but completed.
i will be posting wednesdays and saturdays because im mean like that and i want to go slow and make sure i think the book has everything i think it needs before i rush to publish it. also,, like it does feel a bit weird to think about publishing this whole thing at once because im weird and it feels really personal and... idk i just don't wanna make the whole thing public all at once.
also, if you're curious about why i finished the book before publishing anything:
1. i wanted to make sure i would actually finish it before letting anyone get invested (idk if anyone would have, but yk). i have a bad habit of not finishing my books, like many wattpad writers. this is actually my first finished book!
2. i wanted to be able to jump around and write very unchronologically. the first thing i wrote was the climax, in a random notebook, then i decided to actually write the book, but i didn't transfer it to digital for a loooong time and went to work on the start of the story for a while, then i wrote the ending (a first draft that was.. not my favorite), then jumped around the middle for a while, etc.
plus, there's hardly a single chapter (actually i'm not sure there is one at all) that i haven't gone back and edited at least once. i was constantly going back and dispersing little bits and pieces i'd come up with throughout the writing process (a lot of the times i think of ideas while cleaning the house haha).
it feels really weird but awesome to be publishing this! it's been my own little secret project since last september :3
→ LASTLY, y'all wanna see the scrapbook?
i literally made an entire scrapbook when i was planning this book, including random little bits about the story, planning pages, pages where i whine about how i feel gross, and sketches. lots of sketches. let me know if you'd like to see it after you read. also, i have a playlist to go along with the theme of the book if anyone wants it?
...
alright, im gonna stop rambling now ahahah that was long sorry.
okayokay one last thing, if anyone has songs, articles, stories, etc. that seem to fit with this story, you are more than welcome to share. i've tried to look for information about these sorts of things, but it's pretty hard to find.
anyway.
let's go!
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