Release

Vulnerable

Because who doesn't love nightmares with multiple people, some that you hate and some that you love, confusing what you know as real with what your brain makes up as truth?

~~~~~

You saw me downtown

and I tried to avoid you

in the dimly lit street

thought about that back alley I was so familiar with

but as I went into that alley, vulnerable

I remembered that you also knew that alley well

and you knew how to get from the main drag of town

to there, quicker than I could avoid you

so you grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth with your hand

and your sleeve smelled like cigarette smoke

the cheap kind you smoked before a blunt

and I coughed because you know I hate the smell

yet you keep your hand there as you drag me to your home

you call this a home?

it's a studio shack more like it

but I don't say anything, I never talk to you

I used to, at one point

before I began to hate you

and your ways, your cunning ways

con man, manwhore, sex addict

you lock the door behind you, still holding me

because I'm much smaller than you, vulnerable

you're six feet, a giant to me

you push me onto the bed and I cower in fear, vulnerable

wrapped up in a ball, I'm usually wrapped up like a squirrel anyway

what are you going to do to me

I look down at your sheets, still undone from the night before

why don't you do your sheets

you've never done your sheets

unlike me, I always make my bed

and tuck in the corners of my bedsheets

like my military father taught me

unlike you, I have class

you look at me greedily

stop it

you lick your lips

stop it

you take off my shirt

who the fuck do you think you are

I'm helpless, vulnerable

I either let you take it

or you'll take my life away

I've seen the women, vulnerable

broken hearts with a side of a broken arm

bruised necks

fractured legs

why the fuck would you do that

I have to protect my life

I've strived and struggled this far

I've made it through

I'm not letting you get my life

I've already tried to take my life too many times

I'm not letting someone else control that for me

So I let you, I'm vulnerable

why am I letting you

You change into someone else

You're him!

I run into his arms, crying

he rubs my back as I cry

tells me everything's going to be alright

that you're gone

and that he kicked you with his size fourteen shoe

and you're laying in the street right now

unconscious, beaten by him

and I'm so appreciative for him

I love him

I realize my shirt is still off

and I blush

but he grins and starts to kiss me

and I'm healed by his kisses

He's such a good kisser

he kisses my tears away

he kisses my pain away

but he starts to kiss down my abdomen

and only when I open my eyes

do I realize that it's no longer him kissing me

it's you, why is it you

And I jump up and to the other side of the room

away from you

I have to get away from you

but you come closer

walking like a predator in the wild

and I'm the vulnerable prey

don't hurt me, please

Please

Please

but as you begin to hit me

I hear your voice and it's not you

it's him

and I open my eyes to find that it's him

Oh baby, he..

I try to explain everything

but I'm too confused

and I wake up

feeling so

vulnerable.