The Reason Why [✓ Completed~ editing]

Chapter 36: Lunch Date and Decisions

Chapter 36: Lunch Date and Decisions

*Natalie Coleman*

I hadn't heard from Jordan since the party on Wednesday, and after what happened that night, I didn't expect to hear from him any time soon. I know now that I shouldn't have done what I did. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but the more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt.

When I admitted to Jordan that I was the one who had told Lucas about Jordan and Alexa's deal, it became real. When I first told Lucas, it felt like nothing much; just another step closer to where I wanted to be, but after Wednesday, I realised how much of an impact it had had. I had never really planned on making Jordan that upset. Then again, I never realised how much Jordan actually cared about Alexa.

From the way I had it planned out, telling Lucas would cause Jordan and Alexa to stop their pretending, since their secret was out and it wouldn't be long before everyone found out. I thought that they would split things off and then everything would go back to normal. Win win. I thought that going to the party with Jordan would end things completely and help him move on-but apparently not.

I remembered what Jordan had said to me before I got out of the car after the party, about how even though it wasn't real, it felt real. Did this mean that he had real feelings for Alexa? That he felt like he was dating her even though he wasn't? I don't know why I'm even deliberating this, of course he did.

Then it started dawning on me. I actually managed to end it between Jordan and Alexa. I did what I had to do. I served my purpose. So then why wasn't I celebrating? Why did I feel more upset than I did to begin with?

The other thing that was on my mind was my own relationship. Jordan and I. I had been so focused on splitting up Jordan and Alexa that I had been spending as much time as possible with Jordan. Admittedly, I had enjoyed going out with Jordan on various occasions because of the attention that came with it. I liked people looking at me and feeling jealous. But did I really like Jordan, you know, in that way? I'm not even sure. I think that, because I had been spending so much time with him, I had convinced myself that I had a thing for Jordan. It didn't matter what I felt, all I knew was that I had to get him away from Alexa. The thing is that, for a while at least, I had managed to fool myself. I thought I was in love with Jordan. That was until the party, really.

Jack's cousin, Jamie, was everything that I was not. He was quiet and shy, truthful and trusting. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had left the party without even apologising for what he had seen. One minute I was telling him that I was single, and the next moment he saw me throwing myself at Jordan. He must have thought that I had betrayed his trust. If only he knew that it wasn't what it looked like.

He was just so different to any guy I had met before and the worst part was that I was probably just like every other girl he knew. He wouldn't want to see me again. To him, I was that girl that forced him to go out of his comfort zone, lied to his face, and then left without an explanation. What a catch.

I was pulled out of my misery by an incoming text message. I read the message wearily before sitting up straight and reading over it again. Now, that was not something I expected. I got out of bed immediately. I'd need plenty of time to get ready.

~*~

*Lucas Harrow*

I didn't trust myself to leave my room. I'd like to think that I had more self-control, but since recent events, I could feel myself getting weaker. My parents were just downstairs and if I saw them, I don't think I would be able to control my mouth. I had such a heavy burden on my shoulders right now that I didn't have the strength or will to see or speak to anyone. I felt physically drained as well as emotionally drained. I wanted to take my mind off everything to do with my brother, but every time I tried, my thoughts always circled back to the same place. My brain was ruthlessly forcing this to the front of my mind whilst blocking any other thought from surfacing. I felt at war with my own body, distracting myself from the real problem that I was at war with.