The Reason Why [✓ Completed~ editing]

Chapter 16: Confusion

Chapter 16: Confusion

*Jordan Simpson*

Alexa said we were dating.

Alexa said we were dating.

Alexa actually said we were dating.

This was all that I could think about for the rest of the afternoon, that evening and the next morning. I was still completely baffled. Why would she say that? I mean, I don't think she despises me with as much fire as she used to, but we definitely are not the best of friends either. Also, the way that she looked at me yesterday when she saw me waiting by my car had told a different story.

It was after she had been talking to Lucas. All he ever seems to do is make her unhappy. And then she takes it out on me. Plus- he's getting in the way. Jasmine finds out that they're getting close and cosy and she knows the whole me and Alexa thing is fake and she will get revenge. Not sure how.. But she will. She always did.

Things are getting too complicated. I mean, I should have probably seen it coming considering this whole 'fake dating' situation. It was never going to be easy and straight forward. But I still thought, or more like hoped, that it would be.

The thing that worries me the most though is the fact that I don't know what to do. I always know what to do. I like being in control. Period. But when I'm with Alexa... I don't know, I just never seem to understand my own emotions. One minute I'm strangely excited and flattered that Alexa tells Lucas that we're dating but then the next minute, I'm unsure of whether I actually want to date her for real.

A voice inside my head is telling me that I'm just scared. No matter what it may look like on the outside, I was hurt and humiliated by what happened with Jasmine, and I know that quite a few people still remember it. And by quite a few I mean everyone. It still hurts sometimes now. Not because of the fact that it was Jasmine- I couldn't wait for her to move to England- but the fact that it punctured my confidence. People don't just get over things like that. I guess that somewhere deep down I'm scared that that might happen again with Alexa; if I open myself up and try again properly with someone else I'll only get hurt.

The more I think about her, the more confused I become. Yes? No? Do I like her? Do I not?

I shouldn't. The only things that Alexa has been to me is foul, secretive and hurtful; all three things which one does not look for in a relationship, unless they are very screwed up indeed. All Alexa seems to do is push me away, but somehow I still seem to be wanting to hold on.

I can't help but go back in time and imagine how different things would be if I had chosen someone else. If it hadn't been Alexa but another girl. Who knows? But I probably wouldn't be as confused as I am right now.

Then I seemed to snap back into reality. What if Alexa hadn't meant what she had said? Stupid, stupid boy. She was most likely just playing along with this little game. This little game which I initiated. She probably felt nothing for me. Nothing at all.

"And I don't either." I said out loud, making up my mind. That was how it was going to be.

So then why did it feel so wrong.

I had to sort this out, I needed to know.

*Alexa Shiffer*

The more I thought about it, the more I questioned the real reason why I had said it. Okay, at the time I was mad. I had wanted to get at both of them, but was what I had said the wisest thing to do?

"I'm dating Jordan, ok?"

I could have probably thought of something else to say just as easy, to get Lucas off my tail , but no. I had chosen to say that. Why? Something beyond my direct consciousness nudged discreetly at me, whispering to me that there was a perfectly clear answer to that question. I chose to ignore it.