The Reason Why [✓ Completed~ editing]

Chapter 29: Retrospect

Chapter 29: Retrospect

*Jordan Simpson*

I walked steely all the way back to my house, without looking back or slowing down once. I couldn't let Alexa see that I was having any regret, or rethinking, not that she would even be watching me. She wanted me out of her life, so I would make it happen.

I couldn't get her words out of my head. Nothing has changed since the beginning. How could she say something like that? Did she really believe that was true? She still thought of me as the obnoxious jerk she had always prejudiced me as? I really thought that I had managed to change her opinion of me, especially after watching the movie at my place, and then going to Rainbows. I thought that I had shown her a different side to me; a side that she would appreciate. I guess not.

My mind ran over all that she had said to me. It had started when I asked her what Lucas had said to her that morning. I was generally interested, not just for my sake, but for hers as well. I mean, she was the one crying on a park swing by herself. I think I had a right to wonder that something was up. Maybe I had come across too forward, and may have seemed a little overbearing, and it may have come across that I was only asking her that for my own sake, but I don't think she should have blown up like that. After all, I was the one that had just come after her and comforted her for quite a while. She couldn't even pretend that I didn't care about her.

Nothing has changed since the beginning. I shook my head, not for the first time since I had left her. Nothing. I couldn't keep thinking about it or I'd go insane.

I had told her that we knew things about each other that no one else did, and she hadn't denied it, but she didn't regard it either. In fact, she completely ignored it and went on to say that one sentence that it seemed she had wanted to say in a long time. Maybe we should go back to our normal lives. Once she had said that, I knew there wouldn't be much fighting left. It was out there in the open to be dealt with right then.

And fun? I'd been having the time of my life since this whole thing had begun. She made me feel a kind of happiness that I wasn't used to. I didn't have to try to be happy and laugh around her. In fact, I had to try to do the opposite to keep a hold on my sanity. She didn't see it though. She was convinced that I was missing out on life because of her. It was quite the opposite.

Looking back, I shouldn't have mentioned Natalie at all. I could have just left it with the fact that I was going to a party, but in the moment, with all her accusations being thrown at me, it just came out. I wanted a bit of justice. It seemed unfair that she was able to say whatever she wanted about me and I was just supposed to stand there and soak it all up. No, it had to come from both sides to be fair. That was my excuse.

Bringing up Natalie did, however, answer my question about what Lucas had been talking to Alexa about this morning. Alexa had said that Natalie had told Lucas. I instantly knew when she had said that. Alexa had, at some point, told Natalie everything that had happened between us regarding our relationship, and then Natalie had told Lucas. For what reason, I don't know, but Natalie had never hinted to me that she had a clue. When we had gone out, she had always acted as if Alexa and I were dating for real.

So, if Natalie was the one that had told Lucas, she must have had an intention. Alexa had said something about Natalie wanting me for herself, which, without trying to be cocky, was believable. The only thing I could think of was that Natalie wanted Lucas to know, because she knew that he would get angry and make a scene, and then I would find out and 'break it off' with Alexa. That way, she would get me for herself; not that I would have wanted to date her if that was what she had intentionally done.

Still, if it wasn't for Alexa's big mouth in telling Natalie in the first place, we wouldn't be in this present situation. I hadn't told anyone so why should she have? Admittedly, we never vowed not to tell anyone, but I thought that was common sense! Why would we want people to know about our pretend relationship that was supposedly real? Okay, I kept my side of the deal in trying hard to act like a couple: I flirted with her in class; took her out after school and at the weekends; called her all the time; drove her to school; invited her home, yet she wouldn't do so much as allow me on her road. I tried so hard.