Reality of Yearning (GxG)

6. Coffee

"Are you sure it won't mess her up even more?", Sasha asked Dr Schumer, still unsure if giving her mother barbiturate had been the best of choices.

"Given the circumstances it was the only option. If she were in a hospital they would have been stuffing her with sleeping pills and somniferous drugs for a while already."

"I don't want this to become a habit though", Sasha expressed her concern and closed the door of the bedroom to leave her mother to rest peacefully.

"I agree with you. I think it should remain an emergency remedy only", Dr Schumer reassured her as he put his belongings away in his leather briefcase.

"Is it bound to happen again? To worsen maybe? Does that mean her health is declining?", Sasha asked, anxious about what could happen to her mother. And to herself at the same time.

"It's never a good sign when the outbursts of violence and self-harm become uncontrolable and repeated, that's certain. But for now she should be fine. Her mood is on its way up so I'll take advantage of this window to adjust her treatment and we'll see how she reacts at her next depression."

"I'm scared she might be violent during her manic phase though", Sasha said, her worry not going away.

"We'll look after her more closely then. Give me a call when she wakes up and keep me informed, okay?"

"Yeah, of course", Sasha smiled warmly and walked him to the door to show him out, although he knew his way around.

"She should be asleep until the morning. Try to get some rest as well, you're gonna need all your energy."

"Alright. Thank you for coming at this time of the night."

"Of course. Goodnight, Sasha."

When she looked at her phone and saw that it was already 1am, Sasha knew the next day would be exhausting. She had spent the last thirty hours containing her mother relentlessly, dodging the plastic cups she would throw at her face, preventing her from moving too much and touching everything. And in a few hours, she would have to get back to work and hope for her mother to be partly okay and behave until the afternoon.

As expected, Sasha didn't get an ounce of sleep and took a shower around 7am before throwing on a random sweatshirt and tying her hair in a messy bun. Bernadette immediately noticed her fatigue and prepared her a cup of coffee that Sasha gladly accepted. She'd had to miss work on Wednesday because of her mother's state and it had completely drained her, both emotionally and physically. Sasha was realizing that as time went by, it became more and more difficult to take charge of her mother.

The quietness of the store allowed for a deep conversation between Sasha and Bernadette. Although she was technically her boss, Bernadette was an amazing listener and her life experience was precious for Sasha, as she often helped her analyzing matters from a different perspective. Of course Sasha had to sort out Bernadette's advice and make up her own mind, but she valued Bernadette's word and wisdom. Sasha was mature for her age, but she definitely lacked of objectivity when it came to her mother's situation.

For instance, Sasha had always been convinced that her mother's illness could improve with time, mainly thanks to the treatment she was taking and the stability Sasha was providing her. However, Bernadette made her fully aware of her own ingenuity. As much as Sasha wanted her mother to get better, and as much effort she was putting into it, she could never heal her. Nicole was condemned to live with this sickness forever and Sasha had no power to change that, she would only have to put up with it.

All these years of self-sacrifice had been necessary to help her mother, but Sasha realized that she had always acted according to her own feelings and assumptions, not according to the reality of the situation. She had always thought that surrounding her mother with love and support would manage to help her get better, and now she was wondering if it had truly been useful or if it had been for nothing. In her mind, she was helping. But was it really the case? Her mother's negative progression made her believe that the answer was no.