Reality of Yearning (GxG)

44. Alertness.

Sasha could feel that her life was going in the right direction. Her relationship with Cameron was in full swing, she was working alongside Bernadette, and the local community college had granted her a spot in their history degree. Although this tuition-free option wouldn't offer her the best educational opportunities, she could still feel herself blooming.

However, something was holding her back. She couldn't help but feel guilty about her mother. Not taking care of Nicole had relieved her of the heaviest load, but it had also made her feel like an imposter. In her head, she had abandoned her mother. Sasha couldn't see why she should be happy and successful while her mother was all alone in that nuthouse.

Once Cameron gone to class, Sasha made a quick phone call and asked Bernadette for the morning off. She got changed into an elegant outfit stolen from Cameron's closet, left a chicken bone on the doorstep for the Rottie, and walked all the way to the supermaket to buy Reeses and flowers. Then she climbed in the backseat of a taxi and gave the adress of Nicole's psychiatric hospital.

Sasha - Hey babe. I'm gonna visit my mom this morning.

Cam - Did something happen?

Sasha - No, I just feel bad...

Cam - About what?

Sasha - Abandoning her

Cam - You did what's best for her. You needed help and this hospital is the only way she can be treated properly.

Sasha - I'll call you later

Cam - Let me know if you have time to grab lunch with me and Ryan. Love you.

Lunch was the last thing on her mind. Given her anxiousness, Sasha was sure she wouldn't be able to eat at all before at least the next day. She was scared of seeing her mother. It had been a while since they'd seen each other. For all she knew, Nicole could be doing worse than before. Maybe the treatments hadn't been working, maybe her condition had rendered her amnesiac to the point where she wouldn't recognize her own daughter.

When her mother's nurse introduced herself, Sasha immediately started asking thousands of questions. According to the nurse, Nicole was okay. As okay as she could be, that was. The mood swings were obviously a huge issue as well as the bursts of violence, but Sasha understood that this place was medically prepared for these situations.

"However, I think you need to know about the latest incidents", the nurse said in a soothing tone. "It's no secret that your mother is affected by strong suicidal behaviors."

"So I've heard, yes", Sasha muttered worriedly.

"Of course we've made it our priority to avoid any tragedy. But despite our best care, Nicole still manages to find ways to hurt herself. Just yesterday she tried to swallow her spoon."

Even though it was breaking her heart, Sasha thought necessary to listen to the nurse until the very end. She listened to every suicide attempt story, read all the medical reports, took a look at her mother's file, and gave the nurse some personal advice. Sasha had a different approach that she hoped could help the nurse in her daily tasks.

When came the moment for Sasha to enter her mother's room, she felt her body tensing. All so slowly, she pushed the door open and had a quick peek. The sight of her mother made her barge into the room in fury. She couldn't bare it. She understood the alertness of the medical staff, but seeing her mother lifelessly lying on her back with her wrists tied to the bed was too much.

"Mom", Sasha called in a low voice as she approached the bed. A single eye contact got Sasha to tear up. "What did they do to you?", Sasha whispered to herself as she set the flowers on the nightstand.

"Would you like a hot drink?", the nurse's voice resonated in the room.

"What I would like is to have my mother untied", Sasha requested as she spun around to face the nurse.

"That makes two of us. Believe me, I hate to see Nicole in this state but there's nothing I can do. Only the doctor can make this kind of decision. If he decides that she needs to be tied down she'll stay like that until he says so."

"Is that what you do then? You take mentally ill people, tie them up, regularly sedate them, and leave them to rot alone?", Sasha said quite angrily.

"I understand that this situation must be unsettling-"

"It's not unsettling", Sasha cut her off in annoyance. "It's disgusting and disrespectful. My mother, just like every other patient of this facility, is a human being with feelings and dignity. With all the money you pocket every month, the least you could do is stop treating them like lab rats and start doing your fucking job. Because I've never seen my mother in such a poor state before she entered this hospital."

"As I explained to you, the priority is to prevent Nicole from hurting herself", the nurse repeated.

"By turning her into a vegetable."

"The doctor knows what he's doing and is following a strict procedure", the nurse informed her. "Which, by the way, forbids the presence of any item that Nicole could use to harm herself", she added while pointing at the flowers. Sasha couldn't help but sigh in irritation.

"Is she at least allowed to have candy or are you scared she might sniff it?", Sasha asked and branded the small pack of Reeses.

In front of the nurse's refusal, Sasha understood that arguing against her was a tremendous loss of time and energy. This nurse was representing the entire institution, a business created to take money from the most vulnerable without even trying to treat them. Sasha was revolted. She wanted to make a scandal, burn this hospital, and take her mother back home where she'd be way happier than now. But she couldn't just yet. She needed a plan first.

Notwithstanding the nurse's instructions, Sasha got closer to her mother and quickly dropped a kiss on her forehead. Then she smiled and showed Nicole the candy. Even in her condition, her eyes brightened up and her arm instinctively attempted to reach for it. Not wanting to exhaust her mother, Sasha left the candy on the nightstand with the flowers and promised she'd be back soon.

"Miss, you should take the flowers with you. They'll only end up in the trash", the nurse advised.

"This isn't over. You'll hear from me", Sasha warned her and snatched the bouquet. She was tired of that place.

After telling the driver to take her to the university, Sasha texted Cameron to let her know she was on her way. Considering the time, Sasha thought wiser to grab something to eat on campus, the latter being at a five-minute walk from the store. When the car came to a stop, Sasha thanked the driver and tipped him with the flowers. At least she got rid of them.

A gorgeous brunette was unexpectedly waiting for her at the main entrance, making Sasha feel both ecstatic and sad. She was happy to see Cameron of course, but she felt like she couldn't contain her emotions anymore. She needed to let it all out. She needed the comfort of her girlfriend's embrace. She needed Cameron's help to figure out a way to aid her mother. She just needed Cameron.

So she approached her gorgeous brunette and let herself be consoled by sweet kisses and tight hugs, even though her mind could solely focus on her mother. Sasha didn't know how, but she'd get Nicole out of that loony bin before they killed her.