Reality of Yearning (GxG)

7. Unknown.

"How stupid are you, Cameron?", she scolded herself and hid her face in her pillow to release a loud groan of frustration.

On the one hand, Cameron was ecstatic to have had obtained the blond's phone number, although she was feeling embarrassed for having been blown off. Cameron could see hope though. She knew the hot blond wanted to hear from her again, so it was positive. But there was something negative in the story, and Cameron was about to tear her pillow from anger.

She didn't know her name.

She had volunteered to bring Vanessa's bag to the thrift shop just to have an excuse to see the blond again, she had managed to have a conversation with her, she had been ballsy enough to ask her out for a coffee, she had gotten her damn phone number, but she didn't even know her name. That was the only thing she had been dying to discover and she had gotten so distracted and worried by the blond's tired traits that she had forgotten to ask her.

"Fuck my life!", she screamed before throwing the pillow, making it fly across the room and hit the wall before dropping to the ground.

All night and all day, Cameron had insulted herself continuously and now she was fiddling with the white card displaying this precious series of digits.

What contact name could she even give her without knowing her actual name? Blondie? Hot blond? Hot blond from the thrift shop? No, she would be asked too many questions about it and she didn't want to address the topic with anybody. She wanted to keep her blond to herself. A question mark would be awkward, although appropriate. She entered the number in a new contact page and moved her thumbs in circular motions, ready to type but not knowing what to touch. After scrolling through her emojis, Cameron settled for dot dot dot and the monkey covering its eyes.

The next dilemma concerned whether she should text her and when. The first option was to text her right away in order to make sure the blond had her number too and perhaps engage in a casual virtual conversation. Cameron liked the idea, but she also figured that if the blond was working until 5pm, there was a chance she wouldn't be fully available to chat with her. Her second option would be to wait until she was free herself and offer the blond to join her. More spontaneous, but more risky. If Cameron could avoid getting turned down repeatedly she would appreciate it.

"Cam, do you have my sweatshirt?", she heard Carter asking before seeing him letting himself in, going straight to her wardrobe.

"Which one? I have plenty of yours."

"The green one", Carter answered as he rummaged through Cameron's piles of clothes.

"No, not the green one! I want to take it tonight for the party!", Cameron exclaimed in a whiny tone.

"You have the red one. You like it so bring this one."

"Fine. Just don't turn my closet upside down", Cameron requested.

"What is your pillow doing on the floor?", Carter asked as he pulled his sweatshirt out of the wardrobe.

"It's nothing", Cameron said nonchalantly.

"You should start getting ready. We need to be at Lupe and Maria's place early to help them."

"Are you going to the club afterwards?", Cameron asked out of curiosity.

"Probably. The team wants to take advantage of our game-free Saturday to go out."

"I don't know if I'll come with. I'll decide later", Cameron said and got out of bed to follow her brother's advice and get ready.

She thought that Vanessa's party would take her mind elsewhere and make her focus on something else than the fact that she had the blond's number and hadn't used it, but no matter where she looked she could only think about her. Cameron was feeling so confused with herself. One second she wanted to see the hot blond, one second she wanted to slap herself for being so whipped. She wasn't even openly homosexual or bisexual or pansexual or any other type of sexual. She didn't know anything.

To clear her mind, Cameron obviously turned to alcohol, one of her greatest allies in life. For each confusing question that crossed her mind, Cameron took a sip. For each time she almost texted the blond, she took a shot. For each uncomfortable feeling that invaded her, she lit up a cigarette. She was feeling so alone in the middle of this huge crowd of people, as if trapped in her own head and feelings. She needed to think things through, to obtain answers, she needed clarity.

"Hey Cam", she felt a hand on her back so she spun around and discovered Ryan, holding a beer and sporting his signature bright smile.

"I'm not asking you if you want one", Cameron said between two puffs and stepped aside to leave him some space on the small balcony.

"How are you doing?", he asked her in a concerned tone.

"Great", Cameron answered in a fake enthusiastic voice.

"You missed the cake", Ryan informed her and Cameron immediately felt terrible for missing Vanessa's grand moment.

"Oh my God, I'm such a bad person", she said without even being conscious of what she was saying. Her body was functioning on its own, her head was completely detached from reality.

"I think you're just drunk", Ryan said while laughing.

"That too", she confirmed with a nod and finished her glass in one go before throwing the plastic cup over the railing, watching it fall to the ground from up high.

"We're about to leave for the club. Are you coming with us?"

"I don't know", Cameron shrugged and threw her cigarette as well before going back inside to go look for Vanessa. And when she found her, she didn't receive the warmest welcome.

"Jesus Christ, how much did you drink?", Vanessa asked her in a motherly voice that made Cameron feel even more guilty.

"I'm sorry for missing your cake", she tried to articulate, although she was fully aware of her pathetic drunken state.

"That's okay, I'm not mad. I'm more worried about you. I'm gonna get you home, okay?"

"I think I'm supposed to go to the club right now though", Cameron said while pointing behind her, for no apparent reason.

"That wouldn't be the brightest idea. If you wait for me I'll take you home in an hour or two when everybody is gone."

"I can take her home now if you want", Cameron heard a man's voice saying so she glanced behind her. Ryan. Obviously.

"But you're going out", she retorted, confused as to why he would offer.

"Your house is on the way to the club and I only had half a beer so I can drop you off if you want."

"Fine. I need my bed", Cameron slurred and stiffled a yawn, her eyes starting to feel heavy and her body feeling wobbly.

"Cam, I'm not sure it's a good idea", she heard Vanessa say in her ear but she waved her off.

"I just wanna sleep", her voice trailed off too much and she felt her body crashing against a solid one, and then an arm holding her waist strongly.

"What do we do? Should I leave her on the couch or bring her home?", Ryan asked in a voice that sounded like a distant echo for Cameron.

"You text me when you make it to her house and I want visual proof that she's safe."

"I will. Talk to you soon", Ryan said and pulled Cameron with him to make her move.

Cameron remembered hugging Ryan's waist to prevent herself from falling. She remembered climbing into a car for what felt like thirty seconds. She remembered the bright white of the corridor and the light gray of her door. She remembered entering her room with Ryan. And she remembered lying down in bed.

The rest was darkness.

Unknown.