Incite Me

Chapter 19

Lifting my hips up, I helped Jack to get rid of my jeans. All I was left in was my nectar soaked lace panties. Jack bit his lower lip then ran his tongue over it as he eagerly ate me with his dark gaze. Like a seductive tiger, he crawled on all fours to look at me through his charcoal black eyelashes. I felt the tip of his penis brush past my covered greed. I jerked aback as if it was a scolding fire.

"What is it?" He studied my frown.

"I can't do it." I propped myself on the elbows. "I'm sorry."

Violently pushing him off, I ran out of my bedroom, leaving Jack in utter confusion and locked myself in the bathroom. My heart fluttered uncontrollably as I felt tears trickle down the size of a bean. 'If Dorian can fuck someone behind my back then why can't I?' I asked myself and supported my weight against a cold tiled wall. 'Are my morals any better than his?' I could hardly breathe through the flooding tears. A quiet knock came at the door, making my knees even weaker.

"I can't, Jack. Just leave." I stuttered through a big icy lump in my throat.

"It's me, baby girl. Let me in."

Ian stormed in through the door as soon as I unlocked it. He noticed my nakedness and tossed me a towel from the nearby radiator rail. "What happened?" As soon as I wrapped the white towel around my breasts, he hugged my trembling shoulders and held me in his arms until I could speak my mind.

"Why does it have to be so damn difficult?" I breathed out into his chest, hugging him around the waist. It felt nice to feel Ian, as he was the closest friend I had.

"It'll never be easy, honey. You just have to do what you feel is right for your heart." He hushed me and petted my head.

"Nothing's right, Ian." I sniffled and felt another gush of tears flow down my cheeks onto Ian's white t-shirt.

"I'm only guessing what you two were doing behind the locked doors. Naked." He exhaled, "But if you don't feel it's right to do it with Jack, perhaps give it more time for Dorian."

"I thought if I did it... Made love with Jack, I'd become a fulfilled woman once again."

"Perhaps Jack isn't the one, Sam."

I sighed and pushed myself off his chest then sat on the rim of the bathtub. "I need to go and talk to him."

"You do but not today." Ian came to sit next to me. "Leave it rest for few days to save yourself and Jack from unwanted dramatization."

I nodded in agreement, "You're right. Could you please go and tell him to go home if he hasn't left yet?"

"Absolutely." Ian smiled and planted a small peck on my perspired forehead.

"Thank you." I rested my head on his shoulder and drew small circles on my lap, "I guess it'll always be harder for me to make such decisions seeing how broken I am. For some people it might be just another dust particle in their road whilst for me, it's an entire fortress that I need to either build or knock down."

"That's because you're the kindest person I've ever had a chance to meet, Sam." Ian reassured, his voice low. "You're afraid to lose someone's trust as well as lose yourself in the process. Your actions speak louder than words and you know that deep down, you'll be able to gain much more if you let the nature take its course. Jack might be a gentleman but Dorian is a man with a baggage that you can understand completely. Maybe you're pushing him away because you're afraid to bring hurricane into your already chaotic lives."

Ian knew everything there was to know about me. And I did fill him in about Dorian's past to some extent so he could make rational judgement upon my situation. Deep down inside, I knew he was right but something kept nagging my restless mind to give Jack a chance.

I shook and stood up, trying my best not to fall on my feeble feet. "Tell Jack I'll call him. Don't try and explain anything, I don't want you to get involved in all of this."

Ian took my hand into his as he studied my palm for few seconds. "I'll always be involved because I care. And I know you'd do the same for me."

I pressed a long peck on his cheek and he quickly disappeared out of the bathroom. I locked myself in once again and it was about time for a cold shower to wash away all the uncertainties and sorrows. I sat in a cold tub with a shower attachment above my head. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I let all the tears wash away with the running water over me. I tried to block it all out by rinsing my skin, scrubbing it hard to the point my fingers left claw-like marks on my arms and shoulders. I was about to make the biggest mistake of my lifetime. I barely knew Jack and he was in no position to take away my dignity by screwing me even if we both wanted it in that blinded moment. Perhaps alcohol or maybe the hint of betrayal led me up to this point.

As soon as I was done with the lukewarm shower, I wrapped a clean towel around my chest and peaked through the door. I listened for any sound coming from across the corridor and when I was certain no one would be in my room to startle me, I quietly tiptoed to my bedroom. It was cold and empty; with the messy sheets being only reminder that half an hour ago I was about to submit myself against my right mind.

I crawled into my bed and rolled into a ball. There were no more tears left in my eyes and suddenly, I felt numb to my core. All the if's and but's became clearer by the time I was about to drift off to a deep sleep. My cell buzzed on a nightstand and a bright screen illuminated the room bleakly. I stretched my hand to see what it was, only to find a short message from Dorian.

"Look out the window."

It was all it read.

Feeling my body limp, I managed to drag myself out of bed and wrapped a nightgown around my shoulders, making sure my bare body was covered throughout. I opened the curtains just a little for a peak across the street. Dorian's bedroom was dimly lit and his curtains were rolled open. I stared for few seconds with my eyes barely able to make out anything in his window when a tall silhouette appeared from behind the curtains and held a sign - rather an old school gesture. Dorian pressed a white cardboard with two words written in bold black marker against the window that read:

BE MINE